The Marlins Have Unveiled Billy the Marlin's New Look and It's Nightmare Fuel

The old Billy.
The old Billy. Photo by USAG Miami / Flickr
The Marlins are changing quite a bit. Everything from new players to new uniforms to new stadium seating will be introduced to fans come March 28, when the Colorado Rockies and Marlins open the season at Marlins Park.

Fans may be surprised to learn the Marlins mascot, Billy the Marlin, also has a new look. And by "new look," we mean "sleeping was fun while it lasted."

We were totally unprepared for this, Derek Jeter. You've shaken us to our core.

The new Billy the Marlin — equal parts terrifying and puzzling — had people talking last week. The team brought out something even crazier than the dolphin-headed human the Dolphins trot out every week. That is truly a remarkable feat.

In a way, we suppose that's good for business. While the Marlins are under construction and people are learning the names of all these new players the team has acquired in recent trades, you want the fans stimulated.

Welcome to the Miami Marlins 2019 season, I guess. We're oddly here for it.

But in their attempt to make Billy more fan friendly, the Marlins have unwittingly created one of the creepiest mascots in all of sport. The lovable, overweight, joyful fish has been replaced by what can only be described as a trying-too-hard-definitely-up-to-something mascot.

Some have described the new look as just old Billy the Marlin after a winter on the keto diet. Others have compared him to a knockoff figure you might find in the Dollar Tree toy section.

As some have pointed out on Twitter, though, when the Marlins debuted in 1993, Billy rocked an even worse look. It was as if they put a guy inside an actual dead Marlin every game.

So there you have it — the Marlins killed old fun-loving Billy the Marlin and replaced him with some new dude we aren't trusting just yet. On the bright side, though, it could have been so much worse. Think 1993.
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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.
Contact: Ryan Yousefi

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