Don't Sleep on Miami's Best "Missed Connections" This Valentine's Day

For almost 20 years, Craigslist's "Missed Connections" section has been a seemingly endless well of hopeful horniness. Since launching in September 2000, the message board has inspired a web series, a collection of songs, and a not-small number of marriages

After Craigslist shut down its personals section two years ago, "Missed Connections" basically became the de facto dumping ground for users looking for casual hookups. But if you sift through the posts ISO some NSA booty, you can still spot the brave souls taking one last stab in the dark at connecting with a total stranger.

As New Times writer Jerry Iannelli pointed out in 2016, a slew of local "Missed Connections" mention Publix, so if you're looking for love, make haste to your neighborhood supermarket. But first, check South Florida's Craigslist board to make sure your person isn't already out there somewhere. Here's a quick roundup of some of the latest and greatest posts.

The turtle savior

The girl who was saving the soft shell turtle on 35th Str. Oddly enough we cross paths when I least expected it. Has it ever happened to you that you met someone and after the moment passed you said to yourself why didn't I? As you were driving away in your big gray Jeep I shook my head in disgust wishing I would have only asked your name. You were on your way somewhere. Respond back in a email and in the subject line put where you were going. Can I get a do-over? It's time for me to leave a lasting impression on your heart. P.s. There is a lake in the fenced in area where you put the turtle. You saved him now lets do something good for us. 

The sexy grandpa

GL male in sixties, very fit, blue/silver. I saw you with wife(?) in Publix and you had a sexy sparkle in your eyes. You seemed to show an interest. Would like to reconnect. If not you, must be over 70.

The "total babe in Total Wine"

Accidentally brushed against you in the Total Wine on Mills Dr. I said “excuse me.” You said nothing. But the way you looked said it all. The air was dense with something. Almost like a storm. Was it the air? Or was it you? You were... I don’t know how to describe it. Brooding? Sleek is the word, I think. Ever since I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind. In that split second of contact, it felt like our worlds melted together. It’s amazing where the mind goes in moments like those. And where it doesn’t. I suddenly found myself thinking about power lines. The buzz of electricity in the summer. A loose, live wire ripping free from its conduit to whip wildly on the scorching blacktop. I thought about fire hydrants, their valves wrenched open in desperate attempts to release floods of unbearable pressure. I considered how you would feel like a shocking snap of fresh ginger. At checkout, I snuck one last look before staggering out into the sun toward my car. A woman in the parking lot was scolding her child and I briefly lost balance. Maybe I’ll always miss you. Maybe everything will feel harsher from now on. Even in your absence, you’re still somehow my relief. 

The hot mom at Trader Joe's

You were a young curvy woman in tight jeans that encased a sumptuous bottom. Your rack was memorable as well. You were with a little boy wearing a kipah.

The sushi lover

Soo long shot. But to the tall glass of water at sushi sake. Hi how are ya. I had red lipstick on and couldn’t quit looking at you. If you know who I am or remember. Message me.

The leggings wearer buying tuna

Looking to connect with the beautiful young lady from walmart. We ran into each other at the Walmart on lake worth and jog. You were blonde and in leggings and a black shirt. I believe it was grey leggings but I could be wrong. You were shopping without a shopping cart which seemed funny. I was in your way in the aisle with the tuna. I moved to try and get out of your way but got right in front of what you needed. You smiled and said its behind me. I was Hispanic and in a rick and morty shirt. I cant believe I froze and couldn't find anything to say. Hope this finds you.

And last but not least, the nude gardeners

Wife and I cruised down Dania Cut canal and saw you and your wife doing nude gardening. We liked what we saw and would like to meet. Fun nudist couple here
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Jessica Lipscomb is news editor of Miami New Times and an enthusiastic Florida Woman. Born and raised in Orlando, she has been a finalist for the Livingston Award for Young Journalists.
Contact: Jessica Lipscomb