Comedy

Bandanna-Clad Iguana Spotted Near Melreese Country Club

Artist conception
Artist conception Photo-illustration by Joshua Ceballos; photo via Melreese Country Club/Facebook
Neighbors know not to say his name, lest they face the consequences. He's fiercely protective of his territory, and anyone who steps on his turf should expect to get whacked. He can be identified by the bandanna worn around his neck, and his long, striped, green tail. He's Iguana Bandannicus, the bandannaed iguana, and he stalks Miami's streets.

On Thursday afternoon, former New Times staffer Arielle Castillo informed an eager audience on Twitter of the first sighting of Iguana Bandannicus, at her friend's Airbnb near Melreese Country Club. The outlaw lizard purportedly leapt out at the man from over a fence to assert its dominance before being called away by one of its compatriots.

Castillo says the witness could not understand the iguana's handler because she spoke Spanish, betraying the creature's possible Latino background.
New Times dispatched its resident cryptid hunter to attempt to track the creature after news of its existence reached the public. The Airbnb where it was spotted was empty, save for a child's bike near the front entrance. No one answered after several knocks on either of the two doors. Had the monster scared off the inhabitants?

Several residents were present at the house from which the iguana is said to have leapt, but none knew anything about the creature. When asked if they knew of an iguana living on the premises, they said they weren't aware of any. Mention of a bandanna didn't seem to surprise them or prompt any questions. Maybe they were covering for him.


Spotting a passing mail carrier, New Times asked whether the brave public servant had seen a creature matching the rogue iguana's description. He said many iguanas lived around the nearby canal, but none that he'd seen sporting a bandanna. A master of deception, Bandannicus, able to hide in plain sight among its brethren.

So many questions remain. Does Bandannicus lead a motorcycle gang? Does he wear the bandanna to protect him from freezing on cold Miami nights, or did he steal one from a recently groomed dog? Will he apply for Miami's opening for a new police chief, given that he apparently understands Spanish better than most of the current applicants?

Editor's note: Please report sightings of Bandannicus to [email protected] Pix or it didn't happen.
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Joshua Ceballos is staff writer for Miami New Times. He is a Florida International University alum and a born-and-bred Miami boy.
Contact: Joshua Ceballos