We feel your pain, Miami. Not only is it Monday, but also you just spent your entire weekend stuck in the house because of drenching rainstorms from a tropical wave. You deserve a little distraction this morning. Thankfully, the internet specializes in such things. We stumbled upon a treasure trove of old-school Dan Marino ads from the '80s and '90s that are sure to put a smile on your face.
If there is one thing we can all agree on, it's that Dan Marino makes us happy. Just say it: Dan Marino. Say it again: Dan Marino. Doesn't that feel great? Isn't your Monday already infinity times better? Cool. Now watch the man with the Right Arm of God sell you some crap.
Dan Marino and Daffy Duck hated each other? Huh?
As a kid, going to Blockbuster to rent a videogame was the highlight of a week. Remember how the better games had to be returned in three days, but Blockbuster rented out the older ones for an entire week? This Marino ad brings us back to a time when that Blockbuster bag was the sexiest thing in our room. And in this ad, we also get to see Marino pull out his classic Ace Ventura acting skills. He was basically Dwayne Johnson before Dwayne Johnson was Dwayne Johnson.
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Holy. Crap. This might be the best gift from the internet that Miami has received in some time. There are so very many things worth talking about in this ad: the idea of worshiping an '80s Chevy Cavalier, the super-'80s music, Marino hiking a ball to himself on a field and then glaring into the sunset like he's plotting to use kung fu on someone, the RPMs rising as Marino drops back, and then Marino jumping into the air in celebration at the end.
Try today's Chevy. Live today's Chevy! Did this commercial cost $7 to make, including the cost of the football?
This ad is vintage old-school Dan Marino. Is it weird that we never thought twice about a Miami Dolphins player selling winter gloves? We probably just accepted it because we were so happy to see Marino on our TV sets. The truth is, we can't even fathom buying these gloves in South Florida. Marino might as well have been selling snow tires. And is it just our filthy minds, or when Marino unfolds his shopping list, does it look like a sleeve of condoms? Let's be honest: 1987 Dan Marino totally could have used an entire 24-pack of condoms in one day. Hell, he could have used them all inside this Isotoner glove store.