Do Implant Bombs Mean Miami Is Now More Dangerous Than Mazar-i-Sharif?

Miami has long been the unofficial fake boob capital of the country, probably the world (nice try, Caracas).

Now, however, the Transportation Security Administration says that terrorists may be plotting suicide bombings using surgical implants.

Suddenly our artificially enhanced paradise is looking scarier than a dark alley in Mazar-i-Sharif, Afghanistan.

The TSA revealed on Wednesday that it had received warnings that terrorists may try to sneak explosives aboard U.S.-bound airplanes by hiding them inside a suicide bomber's body. That could mean detonative breast or butt implants, or, even more deviously, bombs hidden inside someone's stomach, a la The Hurt Locker.

If some SoBe silicone were to fall into the wrong hands, it wouldn't be the first time that terrorists used South Florida as a training ground for an attack. Shortly after September 11, 2001, New Times uncovered how hijacker Mohamed Atta sneaked into the U.S. via Ft. Lauderdale and learned to fly in SoFla.

Thankfully, the evidence that boob bombs are an imminent threat is thin. There aren't any known instances of terrorists going this route, and TSA officials say any such bomb would likely require wires or metal that could be picked up by scanners.

The closest we've come to seeing an implant bomb in the U.S. is probably the botched underwear bombing from Christmas 2009.

But nobody here wears much underwear anyways, so Miami is probably safe for the time being.

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Michael E. Miller was a staff writer at Miami New Times for five years. His work for New Times won many national awards, including back-to-back-to-back Sigma Delta Chi medallions. He now covers local enterprise for the Washington Post.