If Santa is looking for some last-minute holiday gifts for Miami Dolphins fans, we've got some ideas.
Here are five things Miami sports fans might be hoping for this Christmas. (Santa, if you're reading this, we'll gladly accept any number of these after the New Year.)
Here's where we stand. pic.twitter.com/NNAUVb6cZ1
— NFL on CBS 🏈 (@NFLonCBS) December 19, 2022
A Playoff Appearance
All Miami Dolphins fans want for Christmas is a do-or-die football game. In the words of Rose from Titanic; It's been [what feels like] 84 years!Since coming into the NFL in 1966, the Miami Dolphins have made the playoffs 23 times and won two championships. On its face, those results don't sound terribly bad.
Unfortunately, peeling back the layers of the onion on those numbers reveals just how bad the Dolphins have been at making the postseason since the turn of the century.
The Dolphins' last postseason victory came against the Indianapolis Colts... in the 2000 wild card round. Since then, Miami has only made the playoffs twice (2008, 2016) — and ironically, both appearances featured a thorough ass-kicking by the Baltimore Ravens.
At this point, most Dolphins fans would gladly welcome a playoff ass-kicking.
Per source, the Miami Dolphins will be wearing the white throwback uniforms against the Green Bay Packers on Christmas day. 👀 pic.twitter.com/fvhyW6e8TY
— MAKE THROWBACKS PERMANENT🐬 (@THROWBACKS4EVER) November 15, 2022
Permanent Throwback Uniforms
Enough is enough. It's time to give Miami Dolphins fans what they've long requested: Make the team's universally beloved throwback uniforms a permanent fixture on Sundays.Unfortunately for Dolphins fans, the organization and owner Stephen Ross continue to flirt with consumer happiness, refusing to submit final approval to undo the massive logo and uniform overhaul the team unveiled in 2013. It boggles the business mind why the team would stick with its current Sea World-looking logo over a line of new duds that would sell out instantly.
What better time to make an announcement that the uniforms will become permanent in 2023 than while wearing them at home on Christmas Day?
For those who missed the story, Hard Rock Stadium is built on dirt that used to be a burial ground of the Tequesta, the first people to inhabit what we now know as Miami. Seeing as how the Dolphins haven't won a damn thing since moving to Miami Gardens from the Orange Bowl, JS? pic.twitter.com/OX3c2LgjVr
— MoFuGr22 (@fer00255377) December 12, 2022
Break the Curse of the Tequesta
All the way back in 2016, New Times investigative reporting unveiled evidence pointing to the possibility that the Miami Dolphins are a cursed franchise. Not figuratively. Literally. You can read the article to catch up on the finer details, but long story short, Hard Rock Stadium is built on an Indian burial ground, and coincidentally, since making it their new homes, both the Dolphins and Miami Hurricanes have had nothing but bad luck and terrible seasons.
We're out of options. Maybe Santa has a line on someone who can break the Curse of the Tequesta? Praying hasn't worked.
Believe us, we've tried.
We love Tua see it. 🙂 #FinsUp pic.twitter.com/1Z7vWRSsqj
— Miami Dolphins (@MiamiDolphins) October 30, 2022
More Dan Marino
Based on pure talent, Dan Marino may be the greatest NFL player of all time. Coincidentally, he played for the Miami Dolphins and has long been employed by the team.Yet somehow, for years now Marino's exposure to Dolphins fans has been limited to a few photo ops. It's as if the best player in franchise history is some cousin we've never met who lives in Nebraska. Every year Dolphins get an intimate chat with members of the 1972 team, but when it comes to Duper, Clayton, and Marino — mostly crickets.
Dolphins fans want more Marino. Give the people a damn New Year's Eve Twitter Spaces, or something. Anything. Just more Marino.
Please do it now, before he's too old and retired to care.
BIG MOOD 😤#FinsUp X #BudLightCelly pic.twitter.com/7KZKfowcws
— Miami Dolphins (@MiamiDolphins) October 24, 2022
Super Bowl LVII Champions
If Santa is really taking requests, then Dolphins fans may as well shoot the moon and hope to land in the clouds. Let's end this terrible 50-year championship drought with a victory in Super Bowl LVII in February.Some Dolphins fans haven't seen the team hoist the Lombardi Trophy since they were kids. Others have never seen Miami win a title in their lifetime and just hope to witness one before they die.
Why can't 2023 be the year that ends all this pain? Give the gift of giving this holiday season, St. Nick! Miami needs a football title. It's been far too long.
