This time, though, Redditor PsychologicalKing125 isn't settling for another go-round at the Mondrian South Beach.
"Stop searching my bag when I go to the pool!" the King laments about the popular destination in a recent thread on r/miamibeach titled "Hotels for middle-aged DINKs who still like to party...to an extent." The poster seeks a place with comfort, chill, and life.
"We like a pool that has life, something vibey. Not looking to pay 1 Hotel prices. I was looking at the Standard, but people seem to hate the rooms. Will stay in Miami Beach, South Beach or Miami proper if it works. I love a balcony...."
Local hotel connoisseurs were quick to show up and show out, ready to dish the goods.
Hotels for middle aged DINKs who still like to party...to an extent
byu/PsychologicalKing125 inmiamibeach
The Bentley Hotel: For the DINK on a Budget
The Bentley Hotel (510 Ocean Dr., Miami Beach) is a strong contender for DINKs looking to stay near the South of Fifth action without spending the whole dual income. U/South_Conference_768 shares this practical tip: "Not luxe, but solid and an amazing location South of 5th."For DINKs who value location over luxury, the Bentley appears to be a go-to.
Dream South Beach: For Taco-Loving Rooftop DINKs
Rooftop pools and tacos? Say no more! U/bigbyf gushes over the Dream South Beach (1111 Collins Ave., Miami Beach). "The rooftop pool also has a bar, High Bar. That's where the wife and I always stayed before we moved to SoBe."The Dream serves up a mix of laid-back luxury and liveliness, plus Naked Taco right downstairs.
The Esmé: Boutique Bliss for Low-Key DINKs
For DINKs who vibe with understated charm, u/meredith_xlserally points to the Esmé (1438 Washington Ave., Miami Beach) without elaborating.No notes, no drama: just boutique chicness for DINKs who want a stylish yet quiet escape. Plus, it's home to one of Miami's best omakase spots for DINKs who dig sushi.
The Setai: Luxe DINK Zen
Despite a past sex scandal, for the DINKs who demand peace with their pools, the Setai Hotel (2001 Collins Ave., Miami Beach) makes a splash in the comment thread as a calm, upscale option. "Good location and calm vibe," u/South_Conference_768 confirms.Also worthy of mention: The hotel has recently expanded its tranquil aura with Japón, a Japanese restaurant that offers 40 types of sake.
The Edition: The DINK Oceanfront Favorite
When it comes to oceanfront vibes with a polished edge, the Miami Beach Edition (2901 Collins Ave., Miami Beach) gets plenty of love on the thread. For DINKs who "wanna be on the ocean," u/Miamisima says, "Check out Edition," while u/makemescweam exclaims, "The edition!" with no further explanation. A few other Redditors cite it as one of the "best options."The Edition's blend of sleek luxury, oceanfront views, and exclusive events (like a Silencio nightclub pop-up during its tenth-anniversary celebration) make it a standout for DINKs seeking Miami's upscale energy.
The Standard Miami Beach: A Playground for DINK Royalty
If Miami Beach hotels were movies, the Standard (40 Island Ave., Miami Beach) would be a cult classic: weird, sexy, and beloved for its quirks.Addressing u/PsychologicalKing125's er, reservations, fellow Redditor u/DayNo326 was effusive in praise: "We always get one [room] with the tub outside. Ask for a corner, maybe a little quieter. This place is great for couples. Spa is awesome."
U/Ashtag916 went down another road entirely:
"Okay, the Standard's rooms are kind of funny. But also, we had some of the best erotic loving. The best oysters. Erotic Hamman Turkish rub and scrubs. It's a spa — the vibe is great. It's kind of weird in a badass way after you go to fontenblue [sic] or wtf ever. I hated that hotel. Folks take 2928292 hours to walk from one side to the other. Service is top-notch at Standard. The bed is very comfortable. The weird curtains in the room provided an entertaining dance or two 🤣 circus o le 🤣."
There was one minor downside, apparently: "We were only in the room for sex, sleep, and showers. The patios were weird, lol, kind of has shower curtains as dividers."
But wait! There's more! "They also have shrooms in the mini-fridge," Ashtag916 imparts. "Never seen a mini fridge/bar set up like that one."
Us either! Clearly, that last detail required further investigation. So, New Times called the hotel and spoke with Carla at the front desk.
"Shrooms at the minibar?" she responded. "Um, I'm not confirming. It might have been a pop-up at some point. Give me a second."
After a brief hold, Carla returned. "Thanks for holding," she said. "So, we don't have shrooms. They're illegal."
She noted that the spa does stock teas that may include mushrooms. When we asked to speak with someone who could tell us the brand, we were sent to voicemail. A follow-up attempt involved leaving a message with the head of marketing and culture (AKA the person in charge of minibar selections) and backing that up with an email.
Needless to say, we'll update this story if and when we hear back. In the meantime, shrooms-gate remains unsolved.
Back to the rooms themselves, u/RedRearDelt offered a nuanced take:
"Hating the rooms at the Standard is a feature, not a flaw," they write. "They do this on purpose. They want you to go outside. Sit by the pool. Hang out in the gardens. Have a mud bath. Play bingo."
For the record, the Standard's Se(x)tember series appears to have taken sensuality to new heights, offering workshops on intimacy, astrology, and even a DIY glass butt plug to make and take home.
Honorable Mentions
U/Miamisima mentions the Edition but also cited the W South Beach for its oceanfront appeal, adding, "W has great balconies." U/cfrancisvoice suggests Soho Beach House (4385 Collins Ave., Miami Beach) "if you have a membership" and the Faena (3500 Collins Ave., Miami Beach) "if you want to be spendy."
And notwithstanding the price tag, u/chrissjur deemed 1 Hotel South Beach (2341 Collins Ave., Miami Beach) one of the "best choices."
