Who "Luv Dem Strippers"?
Well, we here at Crossfade do. Ditto 2 Chainz and Nicki MInaj, whose new music video features enough bulbous, earthquakin' ass to force a 12-year-old boy into puberty.
"I Luv Dem Strippers" is a modern-day love song to the working girls of America. Plus, it features Mr. Chainz first attempt at singing. And, uh, you'll see how it goes.
Don't miss a single crotch-less detail with Crossfade's extremely detailed breakdown.
0:00 - 0:14
Obligatory cash pile scene, title credits, smokey 2 Chainz portrait, and stripper dressing room makeup applications.
0:15 - 0:28
The girls continue to get ready, marking their personal lockers with name cards like "Diamond." Meanwhile, 2 Chainz makes some strange personal analogies. The tension rises and finally, we get our first taste of sweet, bouncy booty.
0:29 - 0:55
The high-brow chorus kicks in as plenty of thick bitches get their twerk on. No doubt, 2 Chainz is dressed like some kind of Run DMC throwback hipster. Bright, multi-colored lighting gives these dirty girls some candy-coated texture, because 2 Chainz luv his strippers in Technicolor.
0:56 - 1:24
So. Much. Ass. "Where is Paris Hilton," he asks. Clearly staying away from this hood-ass strip club. The girls show off their Cirque Du Freak moves, and 2 Chainz sings about his poor phone service. No offense, 2 Chainz ... But we think you should stop singing if you ever want your girlfriend to answer the phone again. You're scaring the strippers away with all that noise.
1:25 - 2:20
Upside-down, mid-air splits! Girls twerking on top of other girls while hanging from brass poles! Big, swollen booties! So much rain falling, you'd think it was a hurricane! More GIV vodka and sparkler-topped champagne than we could ever afford! Someone has some kind of endorsement deal! But wait! The queen of the ass-shakers has arrived!
2:21 - 3:15
Nicki opens her feature by rhyming "fucking crazy" with "fucking crazy." More like "fucking lazy," amirite? She gyrates like the classy stripper she really is. She touches a whole lot of apple bottom. Shout out to King of Diamonds' own Blac Chyna. We can't believe those big ole titties are real. All the while, 2 CHainz stays looking high and hard as fuck behind his designer shades. Nicki blows a wad in our faces before handing back the mike for the ever-grating chorus.
3:16 - 3:43
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Wait, how do you feel about the strippers, 2 Chainz? Do you really love them? Or do you just want to exploit them? If you really loved them like you say you do, you would whisk them away from this place. You would tell them that they're beautiful, inside and out. You would buy them fancy dresses. You would make them feel like princesses and cherish their thoughts, emotions, and beautiful minds. Money isn't love 2 Chainz. But we guess that's why you spell it with a "u."
3:44 - 4:06
No, Nicki, we got it. You're just not funny.