Justin Bieber Loses Virginity, Lasts 30 Seconds, Allegedly Fathers Bastard Child

Forget everything we've ever said about Justin Bieber, dude's a total rock star. Not only did the underage Canadian pop star allegedly lose his virginity backstage at the Staples Center, he also may have illegitimately fathered a baby, baby, baby, oh!

According to Radar Online, 20-year-old Mariah Yeater is "demanding" a paternity test to "scientifically confirm [Bieber] is the father" of her three-month-old baby. In an affidavit filed late last month, Biber's alleged baby mama askS that the singer provide "adequate support for my baby."

The supposed 30-second sexcapade went down last year after a security guard plucked Yeater from the crowd at the Staples Center and asked if she'd like to meet Bieber. "It was obvious that we were mutually attracted to one another," she says in the affidavit. "He began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to fuck the shit out of me."

According to Yeater, Bieber refused to wear a condom, admitting he wanted to feel everything because it was his first time. "He was on top of me with my legs around him, Yeater says. "At the time I was on top of some type of shelf."

What Yeater wasn't on ... Some form of birth control. Nine months after the alleged incident, Yeater gave birth to a baby with an androgynous haircut who looks exactly like the Biebz.

Naturally, the pop star's dismissing the allegations. Crossfade, on the other hand, is totally buying into it. And here are three signs that Just Bieber is guilty of fathering an illegitimate child.

3. Hormones

When Matt Lauer interviewed Justin Bieber earlier this year on The Today Show, the pop star admitted that his voice was changing. "It's definitely lower," he said. I think that everybody's voice changes." A lower octave also suggests that Bieber's balls have finally dropped. And 30 seconds is all takes to go from innocent tween to horny teenager.

2. Staples Center Date

In September, Justin Bieber surprised Selena Gomez with a dinner-and-a-movie date at the Staple Center, the same place he allegedly impregnated another woman. He was either (a) trying give Gomez a 30-second tour or (b) pretending that nothing's wrong by treating his girlfriend to a nice, romantic evening to show how much he loves her.

1. Puppy Love

The classic "I'm sorry" move? A puppy. Bieber knew it would only be a matter of time before his 30-second baby-making mistake would come back to haunt him, so he bought Selena Gomez a puppy. It'll be easier for Gomez to forgive him when she looks into Baylor's pretty eyes.

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Victor Gonzalez
Contact: Victor Gonzalez