Ice "Billion" Berg is "so fucking fly" that he "can stand on the ceiling." And though standing on the ceiling is not one of the listed Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, given that Berg is going to buy your bitch and start claiming your daughter -- never mind that all his whips are from across the border -- it's tough to suggest that Berg is not successful.
And yet Monday night's Jeopardy! included the category "Not a Successful Rapper" in which three rapper names were supplied and contestants had to identify the one out-of-place or made-up name from the list. The $200 clue (one-fifth of a "stack," for our readers using the metric system) was "Ice Cube, Ice Berg, Ice T."
See also: Five Signs You Might Be a Shitty Rapper
Buzzing in before Berg associates Rick Ross and Trick Daddy could, a contestant named Casey selected the wrong fucking answer, "Ice Berg," to which Trebek responded, "Yep. Not a successful rap musician."
Right. And, of course, we all remember when Trebek had 100 thick-as-hell strippers at his G5ive Lounge birthday party.
Aspiring hustlers should take note: Apparently, you haven't made it in the rap game until you star in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sequel (like Ice Cube and Vanilla Ice have done) or you get cozy with one of the biggest asses around (like Ice T and Alex Trebek's mustache have done).
Berg just put out a new mixtape! Meanwhile, Trebek is a bigger punk than a contestant who doesn't make it a true Daily Double.
Last month, the Federal Trade Commission stuck a Trebek-endorsed education company with a $18.7 million judgment over deceptive marketing. The company had guaranteed its product to bump up SAT scores by at least 200 points. Yeah, maybe if those were the Celebrity SATs (AKA the ACT).
Trebek can be hired to speak at your event -- or guest on your track, presumably -- at less than a third of what his agency charges for Angela Lansbury. In fairness, Lansbury is one of the baddest bitches out there, having written murder and all.
Trebek, on the other hand, endorses the Colonial Penn life insurance company, which means he actively does not want you to die. And what does Ice "Billion" Berg endorse? Not empty promises to children. Just a little something called Chronicles, one of Miami's finest mango-flavored superpremium cigarillos.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Financial news service MarketWatch calls Colonial Penn a "stupid investment" whereas at least one successful rapper has said of Chronicles, "I don't smoke it if it ain't that thang." (That "thang" being slow-burning Chronicles brand superpremium cigarillos, the official cigarillos of Ice "Billion" Berg, successful rapper.) The closest Colonial Penn is going to get to smoking you high as fuck is if you put in your will that you want to be cremated.
Ice "Billion" Berg hasn't yet responded to Trebek's attack, but he's probably faded from some potent potables, like a boss. What is a boss? Trebek, you'll find out soon enough.
Crossfade's Top Blogs