Gwar Murders Justin Bieber, Pope Francis, Royal Baby in Fort Lauderdale


With Band of Orcs, Iron Reagan, and Whitechapel

Revolution Live, Fort Lauderdale

Monday, November 4, 2013

Better Than: Any Halloween party that we've ever attended.

"So, the human race goes bald, gets ugly, and wears a stupid skirt." -- Oderus Urungus

On a drizzly Monday night, Fort Lauderdale was in a for a trick (or treat?), when shock rockers Gwar and three openers showed up for an evening of screaming, moshing, and spraying blood from prosthetic dicks.

So yeah ... If you think this was like any other metal show, you are wrong.

See also: Ten Craziest Fan Cults in Music

Gwar's new album, Battle Maximus, came out on September 17, via Metal Blade Records. And ostensibly, the new slab was the reason behind your lords and masters' stop in Fort Lauderdale.

But this South Florida slaughterama was also part of their tour, Madness at the Core of Time, honoring lost scumdog, Cory Smoot, AKA Flattus Maximus, who unfortunately died last year.

Later, Oderus and his fellow rulers of Earth introduced the latest scumdogs: new bassist Jamison Land, AKA Beefcake the Mighty, and new guitarist Brent Purgason, AKA Pustulus Maximus.

See also: Gwar Taps Pustulous Maximus, "Foul Creature" and "Long-Lost Cousin," as New Lead Guitarist

Earlier that wretched evening, though, Band of Orcs, a bunch of freaks who look like they could possibly be characters from The Lord of the Rings (or a Gwar casting call), terrorized the captive crowd.

This five-piece collective from Santa Cruz, California, makes music that's been labeled as fantasy metal. And yeah, it was kinda like J. R. R. Tolkien screaming some awesome gibberish about good and evil (although it was mostly evil) into your bleeding ears.

Meanwhile, the Orc ringleader's mic stand was an axe. And it was utilized anytime the band's stage slave acted up. Shut up, gimp!

The second band, Iron Reagan, didn't wear costumes. (Of course, you could consider skinny jeans, long hair, bandanas, and band shirts to be a costume.)

Born in 2012 in Richmond, Virginia (and not originating from outer space), these four guys were very thrash-y and they kept every song fast and short. The guitar riffs were speedy. The drums were thumping. And soon, the mosh pit started to stir.

The third and final opening band, Whitechapel, was the hardest and loudest to play that night.

Lead singer Phil Bozeman and his Tennessee crew lived up to the deathcore label with all kinds of murderous sounds: pig squeals, grunts, and growls.

With a name like Whitechapel, we weren't really sure what we were getting ourselves into. But holy shit, that set was epic. Everything about this band had us wishing we were in the pit, from the gruesome vocals to the double bass drums to the face-melting guitars, and even the bass lines.

To end the set, Bozeman asked the crowd to create a wall so they could clash during the start of the next song. And what a beautiful spectacle. It was like Bozeman was Moses (covered in sweat), parting the Red Sea to clear the way for an apocalyptic alien invasion.


If you're not familiar with Gwar, legend has it that they were created to defeat monsters that existed on Planet Earth in the beginning of time, but their master got sick and tired of them for making a mess of things, froze them, and sent them to Antarctica.

It wasn't until the 1980s, when Earth's ozone layer was depleted, that Gwar's icy prison melted and they reemerged from a millenia-long cryogenic slumber.

There are currently five scumdogs: Oderus Urungus, Balzac the Jaws of Death, Beefcake the Mighty, Pustulus Maximus, and Jizmak Da Gusha, always accompanied by their "slaves."

Known to be among the fathers of shock rock, these rulers of Earth make make every attempt to never let the maggots (AKA humans) not forget it. So last night, Oderus reminded people that Gwar started this shit while bashing masked bands like Slipknot for stealing his act.

Then in a more sentimental moment, Oderus dedicated the show to fallen scumdog, Flattus Maximus, saying that Flattus was watching from a sacred place and asking the crowd to go crazy to make Mr. Maximus proud.

See also: Gwar's Cory Smoot (AKA Flattus Maximus) Dead at 34; No Plans to Cancel Tour

Gwar's set included songs from many of the albums. We got "Madness at the Core of Time" off 2013's Battle Maximus, and "Bring Back the Bomb" off 1999's War Party, and "Jack the World" off '94's This Toilet Earth, before concluding with a a rendition ("Ocean O'Riley") of the Who's "Baba O'Riley."

Obviously, though, a big chunk of the entertainment that maggots like us get from Gwar is the enormous amounts of fake blood that Oderus and the rulers of Earth spray on their victims.

Yes, we got caught in Gwar's extraterrestrial plasma shower. And this goo has yet to wash away.

Another bit of fun that's come to define the Gwar spectacle are the political figures, celebrities, and religious figures that Oderus, Balzac, Beefcake, Pustulus, and Jizmak decapitate on stage during their performances. And last night, the Queen of England, Justin Bieber, and Pope Francis got their heads lopped off.

They not only mutilated the Queen of England, but killed William and Kate's baby, Prince George. They also put Justin Bieber on a slab and ripped out his guts, while making fun of the fact that he was from Canada. When it came to the Pope, Oderus cracked, "Well, check it out Lauderdale, looks like we got us a new pope. I didn't vote for the pope! Did you vote for the pope!? You have any idea how many dicks he sucked, and how many death squads he ran back in Argentininya? Hey, Pope, why don't you go fuck yourself!"

The band also made fun of his name, claiming that Francis was a girl's name, followed by public annihilation and another bloodbath.

At the end of the night, everyone was covered in blood, from the maggots in the pit to the piggies in the shadows to the security guards, and even the people who were watching from the second floor

The floor looked like a fucking meat factory restroom.


Critic's Notebook

Gwar's Setlist:




-"Hate Love"

-"Metal Metal"









-"Battle Max"

-"Happy Death"


-"Ocean O'Riley"

-- Andrew Ensenat

Follow Crossfade on Facebook and Twitter @Crossfade_SFL.

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