DJ Paris Hilton Sucks Balls ... In France!

See also "Paris Hilton's DJ Debut Sucked Balls" and "DJ Paris Pisses Off Samantha Ronson and Deadmau5."

Paris Hilton is a modern tragedy.

This dumb bitch already destroyed what little faith we still had in the DJ scene when she puked all over Pop Festival in Brazil. But breaking our uhntz-uhntz-ing hearts just wasn't enough for her.

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Because she hates art, music, and our ears, Hilton "did" her "thing" behind the decks again at The Gotha Club in Cannes.

That's right ... DJ Paris sucked balls in the home country of Daft Punk, and that should probably be illegal.

But maybe we shouldn't be mad at her. Maybe we should be mad at this guy. If he would stop fixing her shitty levels, the club owner would have to kick her off, right?

Oh, what are we saying? He's not the problem. He's just doing his job. He's probably getting paid $1,000,000 an hour to sweep up Paris's bloody mess of a mix.

Hilton shouldn't call herself a DJ. She should call herself an OBGYN, because she's not mixing, she's performing musical abortions.

What's with this girl? Excuse us ... woman. She's made it to 31 now. But she's still prancing about the party scene as if her money gives her an excuse to be a total failure at everything besides doing coke and wearing designer dresses. Why hasn't she contracted a career-ending STD from her headphones yet?

This is probably something that will just keep happening. We should probably just get used to DJ Paris Hilton sucking balls all over the globe. Or abandon EDM entirely before its rotting corpse stinks up our lives.

Hopefully, though, the backlash will strike soon. That way, all these poser train-jumpers will find something else to shamelessly hump while fistpumping. And we can have our blessed artform back.

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