We once had a guy tell us, "You just like Magic Mike because Channing Tatum was in it." Well sir, that is true. Mr. Tatum could make a movie where he did nothing but read his mail and we would probably go see it. (Maybe even twice.) But the real basis of that movie is that girls and gays love a sexy naked man. Have the ability to dance? Well, our panties are officially in a twist.
Straight men like to think that they are the only ones getting in on the strip club action. On the contrary: if you guys are going, we (being the girl and gay community) are going too. We just aren't talking about it. You have your classics like Le Bare, which is predominantly for the bachelorette party crowd. But with it's 1980s decor and lack of full nudity, it's not ideal. Until a few months ago, you also had Swinging Richards, a strip club full of gorgeous naked gents putting the name of the club to action. But there was one issue: they frowned upon the lady kind.
But now, we have good news: The Floppy Rooster has opened in Miami for anyone and everyone looking for an au natural good time.
Located about five minutes from the airport, the Rooster is about 30 minutes from Miami Beach. And don't be afraid that you will miss it: just look for the ginormous Vivid Live sign from its sister club next door. Yes, that same Vivid that brought you the classic and classy Farrah Abraham's Backdoor Teen Mom.
See also: Vivid Live: A Miami Strip Club From the Folks Who Brought You Weinergate
Upon arrival, you are greeted by perhaps the happiest doorman to ever exist. Yes, we said the doorman were happy, not complete assholes. A Miami novelty! From here on out, we will be referring to them as "unicorns."
If you are a man, you can expect a cover ranging from free up to $10; ladies, you'll pay anywhere from $10 to $20. But what might surprise you is that upon paying cover, you are given "funny money." It's fake money that they encourage you to give back to the dancers. So if you were planning to stuff $20 into the g-strings of the dancers anyway, you've just broken even.
Once you're inside, the options are of abundance. You can post up at the bar, take a seat by the stage, grab a table (with bottles starting at just $75) or reserve the "baller room" that includes champagne and a man of your choice. Maybe just want some one on one time? You can head over to the friction room. What goes on there? That's for you and your $15 to find out.
As for the dancers, even the pickiest of eaters will be able to find a piece of meat they like here. Not to steal a line from Will Smith, but "every different nation, Spanish, Hatian, Indian, Jamaican, Black, White, Cuban, and Asian" takes the stage at one time or the other. (Actually, when we visited, there were no Asian dancers. Sorry for the let down.) One highlight for a patron sitting next to us was porn star Castro Supreme and his very large, well, you know, who danced multiple times throughout the evening. To say it was this man's Christmas morning is an understatement.
Male strip clubs are a lot like men themselves: you love them or hate them. Our visit to the Rooster was far from our first time to an all male nude strip club. (Sorry, mom!) What you usually find at these places is a roll of the eyes that you, a lady, is there and expectation to spend your entire paycheck on the dudes and the drinks. But the Floppy Rooster's an equal opportunity perv-fest. General Manager Sam Yovan told us: "We want everyone to enjoy themselves here. If you leave with one thing, we hope it is with the feeling you got great customer service. If you don't, come see me." This is the same GM we saw clearing at table of glasses and plates so a group could take a seat right away. Whens the last time you saw that?
Oh and speaking of plates. There food is as hot as the dancers and actually really delicious. We tried the quesadilla, truffle fries and coconut shrimp. All were amazing. Mind officially blown.
All in all, our visit to Miami's newest nude male review was an evening of pure filth. Pure filthy fun.
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