Pudge, Pudge, Pudge. How we loved chanting your name this championship season. Your chubby image spoke of determination and guts, team spirit and flavor. Pudge was cute. Pudge symbolized a tough and hungry underdog squad. In fact we got used to seeing your big J.Lo butt flabbing around the bases. But now that you've announced that you are leaving the team for a $30 million contract at some unknown ball club, your paunch ain't that pretty anymore. Your greed has made you just like every other fatheaded professional athlete who thinks he can't get by with a mere $7 million annual salary. Well, on behalf of all the newly christened Marlins fans, we say "Fuck you, fatty!" May you continue to engorge your materialistic ego in some gringo town full of scrawny American girls with big hair and bad teeth. -- By Juan Carlos Rodriguez
Revved Up
FRI 12/19
If the Grand Prix Americas sparked your need for speed, only as ticket prices picked your pocket, consider the Homestead-Miami Speedway Daytona Prototypes Test session where the engines will rumble gratis. Thirteen race teams are slated to show up to measure their performance for the upcoming 2004 Rolex Series season. The track has been recently revamped and this will be the first chance some drivers have to try the new course. The event will also feature a handful of virgin cars that have yet to be road-tested. Why prototypes? Prototypes are built according to set regulations. The regs limit what technology can be used, thereby giving the little guy a shot at edging out the corporate competition. The engines begin rumbling at 9:00 a.m. and continue through Saturday, December 20, at Homestead-Miami Speedway, 1 Speedway Blvd. Admission is free. Call 305-230-5000. -- By Victor Cruz
Seaworthy
Ahoy X-mas
SAT 12/20
Nothing says Christmas in South Florida like a big-ass motorboat decked out in strings of colored, twinkling lights. Put a Speedo-wearing Santa onboard waving at folks during a leisurely evening cruise along Biscayne Bay and you have the makings of a parade, the Miami Outboard Club's 6th annual Holiday Boat Parade to be exact. Beginning at 7:00 p.m. from the MacArthur Causeway and traveling to Miami Beach and Bayside, the illuminated extravaganza returns to the club for a dance party featuring Hanzel and the Calle Ocho band. Watching the boats and admission to the dance are free. Call 305-379-3000. -- By Nina Korman
