When some people think theater, they think boring and stuffy. Well, how's about a play called Jane Fonda's Breast? Or, I Stand Naked Before You? The second annual Lavender Footlights Festival of New Plays brings four nights of mind-expanding theater from gay and lesbian theater legends Edmund De Santis, Doric Wilson, and Julie Jensen, as well as local writer Mary Damiano. This year's special guest artistic director is David Zak of Chicago's Bailiwick Repertory Theatre, who will be working alongside respected local directors Barry Steinman, Rich Simone, City Theater's Gail Garrisan, and actor/writer Ricky J. Martinez. Expect the Tres Gai Musical Cabaret to bring some spicy fun to the stage. Footlights go down at Little Stage Theatre, 2100 Washington Ave., Miami Beach. Tickets cost $10 for single shows; $30 for musical cabaret; and $35 for show and cabaret. Call 305-573-6477, or visit (PEGY)


Shhh, listen. Did you hear that? Someone is singing that Hallelujah song and it's not even Christmas yet. Must be Seraphic Fire, the professional chamber choir and orchestra, belting out the baroque classic as part of the Great Music for a Great Space Concert Series. SF understands that you might not be feeling all that Christmasy at the moment, so they're giving a slight twist to George Frideric Handel's musical masterwork. They'll be performing some choruses and arias that are more apt to have been heard by the work's original audience in 1782 than by any modern crowd. Showtime is 7:30 p.m. at the Church of the Epiphany, 8235 SW 57th Ave. Admission is free. Call 305-667-4911. (NK)


The Weather Gods have been screwing with South Florida. Hurricanes whirl right towards us, veer away, then come hurtling right back to slam us with wicked winds and sheets of pelting rain. Weekend after weekend, our plans have been cancelled because of would-be hurricanes, leaving us with kitchens full of canned food and bottled water all for naught. Well, Twista and Jadakiss ain't having it no more. These rappers were supposed to be here for Labor Day, then that bitch Frances came along and pulled the plug on the show. Twista is more than ready to unleash his tongue-contorting, light-speed rhymes, and Jadakiss is fired-up, too. He'll perform his recent hit song "Why," which features controversial lyrics alleging a connection between President Bush and 9/11, exactly where the first presidential debate was held. The Hip-Hop Explosion is going down at 7:00 p.m., at the University of Miami Convocation Center, 1245 Walsh Ave., Coral Gables. Tickets range from $27 to $54. Call 305-284-8686. (PEGY)

SUN 10

Sunday marks the end of one long week and the beginning of another. Ideally you should take the day easy, spend it gearing up for Monday's drudgery. What could possibly make your slide into the work week easier than some Reggae on the Beach? Enjoy a classic reggae event with a lineup of old-time favorites including Leroy Sibbles, the original lead singer of the seminal reggae group The Heptones; Cornell Campbell, the crooner behind the hit songs "Queen of the Minstrels," "Boxing," and "Dance in-a Greenwich Farm;" Lorna Bennett, the chanteuse who brought you "Breakfast in Bed;" and the dread at the controls himself, Mikey Dread. Local reggae artists Johnny Dread, Junior Fearon, and eleven-year-old Jamaican sensation Javaughn Genius will also rock the mike at Bayside Hut, 3501 Rickenbacker Cswy., Key Biscayne. The show starts at 6:00 p.m. Tickets cost $20, get them at Call 305-361-0808. (PEGY)

MON 11

Her life seemed fairytale-like, a little girl's fantasy. Girl meets prince, girl marries into royal family, girl, now princess, has two beautiful baby boys, one of whom someday will become king. But Princess Diana's life was no fairytale and ultimately ended like a nightmare, chased by wolves with cameras whose merciless flashbulbs sought to capture even the blood and gore of her final moments. "Diana, A Celebration" showcases the possessions of the people's princess: letters and films from her childhood, her wedding gown, her diamond tiaras and designer dresses, the handwritten lyrics Elton John composed commemorating her death, the tribute her brother gave at her funeral. All will be on display from 11:00 a.m. till 9:00 p.m. until Friday, December 31, at the Museum of Art, 1 East Las Olas Blvd., Fort Lauderdale. Tickets range from $6 to $19.50, and can be purchased online at Call 954-462-0222. (PEGY)

TUE 12

Look out, a brand new detective is in town. In the second novel by local author Christine Kling, female tugboat captain/sleuth Seychelle Sullivan (try saying that three times fast!) is on the case yet again. This time in Fort Lauderdale she stumbles upon a boat containing a murdered Haitian woman and her still-living-but-scared-speechless daughter. Vodou, millionaires, swamps, and a trip to the Bahamas are among the obstacles Sullivan must overcome to solve the murder. Kling, an alumna of FIU's graduate creative writing program and a veteran sailor, reads at 8:00 p.m. at Books & Books, 265 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables. Admission is free. Call 305-442-4408. (NK)

WED 13

Next time you're at dinner with your artist friend who pleads poverty and sticks you with the check, make sure that he or she is not one of the recipients of a South Florida Cultural Consortium Fellowship for Visual and Media Artists. If so, they should at least be able to cough up the tip. Thirteen artists who received such an honor also got grants of either $7500 or $15,000. Yes, grants, which means they don't have to pay the money back! Winners of the fellowship also get their work displayed at a local museum. See this year's crop of new works by the lucky talents currently at the Miami Art Museum (101 W. Flagler St.) in the show "New Art South Florida." Among the soon-to-be big names: Clifton Childree, George Sanchez Calderon, Leyden Rodriguez-Casanova, Michel Delgado, Amy Broderick, W.W. Weaver, and New Times Broward-Palm Beach photog Colby Katz. The exhibition runs through Sunday, October 31. Admission is five dollars. Call 305-375-3000. (NK)

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Patrice Elizabeth Grell Yursik
Nina Korman
Contact: Nina Korman