New Cookbook Has 90 "Drool-Worthy" Recipes to Prevent Beatings from Your NFL Husband

Human beings know not to blame the victims of domestic abuse. But what about blaming the victims' cooking?

In a news release of colossally bad taste, the publisher of a new cookbook by a Miami Dolphins player's wife suggests that if only these other wives had spent a little more time in the kitchen, they too could have had "a happy and safe marriage in the NFL."

Unlike the partners of long snapper John Denney's Miami teammates Chad Johnson, Phillip Merling, and Tony McDaniel -- all Dolphins arrested on domestic violence charges in the past five years -- Christy Denney has found a way to protect herself and their five kids:

Double-decker taco cupcakes.

You'll come for the appetizers, but dishes like juicy beef tenderloin will be #WhyIStayed.

See also: Miami Women Share Domestic Violence Stories in Video Installation: "These Women Amaze Me"

Last year, Cedar Fort Publishing allegedly canceled a novel because its author's bio made reference to his boyfriend. Now Cedar Fort is positioning women's lack of obedience and adherence to traditional gender roles as a cause of domestic violence.

They may have a point. Go back to that Ray Rice video. Notice that one thing he doesn't drag out of that elevator is a chicken apricot feta salad with citrus vinaigrette.

John Denney is in his tenth season with Miami and hasn't been accused of anything but being a good guy. The worst one can say about Christy Denney and her the Girl Who Ate Everything food blog is that she pushes a tilapia recipe "that tastes like Doritos."

Asked for comment, Cedar Fort reps referred us to Christy Denney, with whom we spoke last night from her home. When she answered the phone, her children and husband could be heard laughing in the background. "Sorry. It's like Grand Central Station in here," she said.

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline is reporting that its call volume is up 84 percent since the NFL scandal broke. If there is any upside to, say, Adrian Peterson pulping his 4-year-old son's testicles with a stick, it's that people are talking about domestic violence in new ways and that more of the abused are realizing that the danger they are in is not their fault.

Cedar Fort's approach to the problem is to quote Christy Denney and position her words as advice for not getting beaten by one's NFL husband.

"I think the key to having a happy marriage is to always be trying to make the other person happy and to be thinking about their needs," Christy Denney is quoted as saying in the news release.

Meaning: Cedar Fort wants you to know that if you women shut up, look pretty, stay in the kitchen, and sex us real good, everything will be cool. And if you're still abused after all that, perhaps you'd better give this new cookbook a try.

Christy Denney was concerned that answering our questions would be tantamount to "throwing my publisher under the bus."

Leave that to us, ma'am.

"People have this image of what the NFL is, of what the guys are like," Denney told us. "I had it too. And a handful of them are like that.

"But my brother-in-law [Ryan Denney] played for Buffalo for nine years, so we saw what it was like there first. Most guys are home with their families every night, not out at clubs. Most guys aren't even spending any of their money because they know they have to make it last."

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
B. Caplan

Latest Stories