Case Kenny photo
Audio By Carbonatix
Case Kenny is tired of hearing about how hard it is to find love these days. The mindfulness expert and author of the recently published book, The Opposite of Settling, has seen all the stats and the snark, but he insists negativity is a big part of what is holding people back in the first place.
Kenny has made a name for himself with his podcast, New Mindset, Who Dis on SiriusXM, and by speaking at high-profile conventions about the power of optimism as it applies to professional, personal, and emotional growth. Organizations like the NFL have recruited him for workshops, and his Instagram profile (with more than 1.3 million followers) is widely shared for his red-pen-written motivational quotes. In his new book, he’s tackling how we can use a positive mindset to find love.
He sits across from me at Surry Hills coffee shop in Little River, twirling his infamous red pen between his fingers. His signature brand of optimism and mindset training led to his own discovery of love right here in Miami. It’s the week before his book launch, and he’s gearing up for a tour with multiple speaking engagements, including a stop on the Today Show. His girlfriend will be front and center, helping with check-ins at his conferences. Earlier in the same trip, he will be perched behind the booth at the Surf Lodge, supporting one of her DJ sets. “It’s cool how we can swap roles and find that balance,” he says.
To achieve a healthy and symbiotic relationship, though, Kenny says we first need to break the bad dating patterns that have historically held us back. If you’re stuck in a cycle of being ghosted, catfished, having your Rolex stolen by a date when you sleep, or feeling like you’re constantly competing with Instagram models or, God forbid, AI chatbots, it’s time for a mindset change.
“How do you wipe the slate clean?” asks Kenny. “If you’re always carrying with you that ‘past pain equals future pain’ – I hate to be the guy who’s like, ‘law of attraction’ – but you’re going to attract that same kind of familiarity.”
Optimism might sound like a platitude, but Kenny says research supports that a positive mindset often leads to desirable results. In dating, that means being able to approach potential partners from a position of trust.
“There is a lot of research that proves that people who make trust their default make more money, are happier, and are promoted more in their careers. That’s trust in others and trust in yourself. Have really high standards – we aren’t trying to be walked over or naÁ¯ve, but having those two things in balance will help you persevere.”
Still, before we even entertain the idea of meeting someone new, Kenny stresses the importance of being a whole person ourselves. “This book is about leaving your heart open to the possibility of a new type of love defined by absolute self-honesty – nothing borrowed and nothing assumed. Blank slate. It’s a love defined by its ability to intensify the happiness you’ve already created in your life and take it to the next level with your partner.”
Kenny compares a healthy relationship to the fries that come with an already satisfying meal. A partner should elevate, not complete, what’s already great about your life. It should feel good to be alive together, living passionately and authentically. “The biggest essence of a relationship is playfulness,” he says.
Rejection is an unfortunate experience most of us endure along the way, but Kenny says we should reframe that as a tool to filter out the wrong people. “Your passion is a filter for the wrong people and a magnet for the right people.”
Even the terms we use to describe love and relationships have power, Kenny insists. For example, ‘settling down,’ the common way we describe entering into a serious relationship and merging lives, suggests compromising against the joys of independence. Real love, Kenny says, should feel like settling up.
In that spirit, he dedicates the book to his girlfriend, Emily, whom he says has taught him what a genuine partnership should look like. “She changed a lot of my patterns – in a good way – and gave me so much clarity. Most people think that in a relationship, you inevitably get boring and lose your spark. Not true. We have gotten so much more out of life together. We have retained the things that make us beautiful and light.”
How did the lovebirds meet? Hinge. (There’s hope for us yet.)
Case Kenny’s The Opposite of Settling: How to Get Everything You Want Out of Love and Life Without Losing Your Spark is out now. casekenny.com.
