Some people say the best things in life are free. They are wrong, of course. Things like happiness and peace are nothing more than fair-weathered luxuries. But a Birkin Bag -- well, a Birkin is forever, friends.
Whether you shake your head at its unforgiving five-digit price tag, or gladly take out a second mortgage just to finance the most recognizable and exclusive bag on Hermes' stock list, the Birkin represents much more than just supple ostrich or near-extinct crocodile hides -- it symbolizes retail gluttony at its purest.
To give locals a taste, South Miami's luxury shoe store, Capretto, is hosting its second annual Birkin Bag Bar Thursday from 11 a.m. to 4 p.m. Drinking cocktails and gazing at some of the priciest accessories in the world in the middle of the work day? That is some Miami elite activity at its finest.
Named after the iconic English actress and singer Jane Birkin, who dominated the Hollywood scene in the '80s, the bag will be displayed in a multitude of colors -- from lime to pink -- and exclusive color ways. A flurry of styles like the Tiny Miniature Birkin, Troika Pony HAC, Grand Marriage's and Ghilles, will not only be on view to the public, but they can be purchased, too; they might even accept first and second-born children as a form of currency (worth a try).
The afternoon event doesn't just cater to Birkin zealots, but all fiends that make up Hermes' cult following. Guests with their wallets at the ready can also squander their money away on Kelly and Constance bags, alongside the Birkin's structured canvas.
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And don't you worry your pretty little heads about the notorious "waiting list" that Hermes is famously known for, because it ceases to exist. It's true; should you gamble your month's rent on one of the bags, you'll be able to take it home with you right then and there.
Being in the presence of the almighty Birkin and its equally expensive minions can be intimidating. Not to fret: complimentary alcoholic beverages will be there to support you in your fiscally irresponsible decision-making.
And hey, even if you don't wind up gloating to all your frenemies about the fabulous $16,000 plus bag that has now put you and your family underneath the poverty line, you'll still get the chance to feel like one of Miami's elite for the day, or at least like one of The Real Housewives -- the denial of buyer's remorse will hardly be noticeable.