This Fat Guy Carrying a Football Was the Only Highlight in Dolphins' Latest Loss
Photo by George Martinez

This Fat Guy Carrying a Football Was the Only Highlight in Dolphins' Latest Loss

Coming off an embarrassing, nationally televised 40-0 loss to the Baltimore Ravens last week, the Dolphins got a chance against the Oakland Raiders this past Sunday night to prove to the nation they're actually not a bad football team.

Welp. Maybe the third time will be a charm when the Dolphins play the Carolina Panthers next Monday night!

Nah. Probably not.

Sadly, the rest of the country was once again treated to a heaping helping of crap football thanks to the Fins. And once again, everyone in Montana and Maine, and probably even a handful of unlucky people waking up in Vietnam, got to witness a Dolphins loss. This time the final was 27-24.

The good news is the loss drops the Dolphins to only 4-4. The bad news is the hard part of their schedule is coming up, they don't have a bye week to lick their wounds, they are bad at football, and they can't figure out how to grow grass on their home field. Other than all of those things, the Dolphins are doing just fine.

The 27-24 score really didn't tell the story of the terribleness of this game. This was a bad game with two bad teams playing poorly. The lone bright spot for the Dolphins was Jay Cutler playing lights out after taking a week off with broken ribs. Cutler was 34-42 for 311 yards and three touchdowns.

Everything else was bad — on both sides. Turnovers, drops, penalties, and players slipping on a field that was chewed up by the Miami Hurricanes and Virginia Tech only 24 hours earlier. The whole thing was just a big mess.

If you missed the game, we can sum it up in one incredible clip.

Early in the second half, Ndamukong Suh made a diving strip-sack of Raiders quarterback Derek Carr. Oakland's Marshall Newhouse saw an opportunity to be a hero, scooped up the ball, and took off. Soon he was reminded why he plays in a position that does not involve holding the football.

Yes, this play was as funny as it was sad.

Now the Dolphins are faced with an uphill climb to get back into the AFC playoff race. Three of the next five games are on the road, and two of those matchups are against the New England Patriots.

Next Monday, the Dolphins will get to try to contain Cam Newton in yet another primetime game and another late night of Dolphins football. Apologies in advance to everyone involved.

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