Estelle Getty, Golden Globe and Emmy winning actress, died today in her home in Los Angeles at the age of 84, only three days before her 85th birthday. Sadly, she died from Lewy Body Dementia after being incorrectly diagnosed with Parkinson's and Alzheimer's diseases.
For those of you who don't religiously watch Golden Girls re-runs on Lifetime while earing endless amounts of cheesecake on lanais, Estelle was best known for her role as Sophia Petrillo -- a Shady Pines Retirement Home refugee and the smart-ass Sicilian mother of Dorothy Zbornak, played by the all-around sexy beast known as Beatrice Arthur who, ironically, was a year older than Estelle.
Being that the 1980s sitcom was set in Miami, we at the New Times feel it's our personal duty to properly commemorate Estelle's death Sophia-style by listing some of Mrs. Petrillo's best zingers and posting some of the funniest Golden Girl parodies:
Rose: Sophia, why are you in such a bad mood?
Sophia: Excuse me Rose, but I haven't had sex in fifteen years and its starting to get on my nerves.
Blanche: I have writer's block. It's the worst feeling in the world.
Sophia: Try ten days without a bowel movement sometime.
Sophia: Why do blessings wear disguises? If I were a blessing, I'd run around naked.
Blanche: I don't really mind Clayton being homosexual, I just don't like him dating men.
Dorothy: You really haven't grasped the concept of this "gay thing" yet, have you, Blanche?
Blanche: Well there must be homosexuals who date women.
Sophia: Yeah. They're called lesbians.
Sophia: Make way for the victors.
Rose: You won the big game?
Sophia: No, Rose. We lost and we all changed our names to Victor.
Rose: Wow, Sophia, that was some story!
Sophia: Yeah-funny, touching and with a surprise twist ending. I wonder if was true. Damn that stroke.
Dorothy: Hi, Ma. Whatcha watching?
Sophia: I dunno, one of those Steven Spielberger movies.
Dorothy: That's not a Steven Spielberg? What are they doing?
Sophia: You know what they're doing. We had that talk when you were twelve.
Dorothy: Ma, I can't believe this! You rented a dirty movie?
Sophia: Dirty is in the eye of the beholder... OK, maybe "that's" a little dirty.
Sophia: If I met a man who was over seventy but still looked half-way decent, I'd be on my back faster than you could say, "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
Dorothy: So, how much is this Italian contractor going to charge for remodeling the garage?
Sophia: [the contractor speaks in Italian, and Sophia translates] He said he'll do it for free for three reasons! One, he loves his work, two, his men haven't been together for a while, and three, he loves to be in the company of pretty young women!
Dorothy: Oh, wow... in that case, I guess we'll have to agree!
Sophia: Great! So, here's a list of the pretty young women that you'll have to hire.
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Blanche: [referring to her brother and his lover visiting] My goodness, what would the neighbors think if they saw two men lying in my bed?
Sophia: They'd think it's Tuesday!