Five Things We All Can Learn From The Carvalho Scandal
More emails were released today in the ongoing Alberto Carvalho / Tania deLuzuriaga saga. These ones show deLuzuriaga coaching Carvalho on how to prepare for an interview for the top job of the Pinellas county school system.
At this point deLuzuriaga's journalism career is pretty much over, and Carvalho's fate is still in the balance. But that doesn't mean they shouldn't learn from their mistakes, and, since they were so public, that we shouldn't learn from them either.
Below are five handy pieces of knowledge we all can garner from this whole sordid affair.
1. Ladies, no matter what the circumstances, never carry on an extra martial affair with a man 17 years your senior, even if he looks like Robert Downy, Jr. Actually, especially if he look like Robert Downey, Jr. He may be Iron Man (heh heh), but he's got a lot of baggage. Nothing good can come of that.
2. If you are going to carry on that affair at least use code words when emailing each other. There's really no telling who could get into your inbox. After deLuzuriaga told him she hadn't manicured her lady hair in days, Carvalho briefly tried this and emailed her, "Don't shave. Wanna are it."
He could have gone with, "I want you to are my stiff are while I'm are-ing your tender are with my nubile ares. Are my are real good, and then I'm going to stick that are in your are until you are. I wanna are all over your are and lick it off with my are and are it back into your are and go back and forth forever."
Then he realized he sounded like a pirate, arrrrrr, and aborted the message.
3. Never make some weird simile involving your daughter when txting your mistress.
"Keep texting. Keep clean as my daughter keeps lunging for it with those Carvalho quick reflexes."
4. If you know you have a potentially damaging, shady past in town and someone offers you an awesome job in another town - take it. Whoever released these emails obviously had an axe to grind. You have to wonder if they would have been so inclined if Carvalho would have high tailed it to Pinellas instead.
5. If you're a sane human being there's really no reason for you to enter teaching or journalism. Occasionally someone breaks into the $100k salary range, but mostly you get shit pay and are held to incredibly high standards. Then to top it off, it's pretty much unethical to are anyone you meet on the job.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss Miami New Times' biggest stories.