The speeds of sound and light remain constants, but the speed of crap accelerates like a rocket luge on Crisco Mountain. Seriously, the daddy of the spoof-movie genre, 1980's Airplane!, stocked its pop culture arsenal with references to 1957's Zero Hour, 1970's Airport, and 1975's Jaws. By contrast, this ostensible parody of big-budget adventures (specifically The Chronicles of Narnia) reaches all the way back to last May's The Da Vinci Code, July's Pirates of the Caribbean 2, and October's Borat. (Borat?!) Just like the filmmakers' previous Date Movie, this feeble fast-buck shitbomb is an amateur-hour game of Spot That Reference, intended for people who crack up simply at the mention of anything topical sudoku, "Lazy Sunday," Cribs. Which means that by the time this dud drops on Netflix, it'll be as obsolete as a Chia Pet jokebook. The only bright spot: Darrell Hammond's spot-on demolition of Johnny Depp's Capt. Jack Sparrow, uncanny right down to his swashbuckling dying gesture. Jim Ridley
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Now playing at theaters throughout Miami-Dade