Bad Girls Club Miami, Episode 3: Tats, Brats, and Bitches

Last night, on Episode 3 of Bad Girls Club Miami, the ladies get a serious dose of testosterone. Miss Erica and Danielle bring home some dudes. They're pretty grimy, but every girl needs some love, ya know?

Erica looks about 45 and her new lover Jeff looks about 17. Having guys in the house brings out Lea's view on marriage: You can't be with one man for the rest of your life. She knows this because she's in love with two different men. One's married and the other is devoted solely to her. Anyway, the new beaus bring H Boogie with them, AKA the wing-man. We're not sure who he is or what he is doing there, but what a name, right?

On our third stroll down Bad Girls Club lane, the ladies head out to get tattoos. Space cadet Danielle gets a song from the musical Rent inked on her thigh. Yes, an entire song. Was it the hard life of a NY artist or the AIDS epidemic she wanted to commemorate? Lets us not judge, so we shall proceed.

Danielle gets Rent tat, and Kristen cries home to mama.
Danielle gets Rent tat, and Kristen cries home to mama.

Stripper Brandi starts crying before the tattoo even starts. This type

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of boo-hooing hasn't been seen at funeral parlors or hospitals in years.

Come on now, Brandi, men stomp on your morals every day when they stuff their

dollars bills in your G-string. You can't take a little ink in your

skin? MAN UP!


Our favorite part of the tattoo experience had to be Kristen getting a

tattoo of the Bad Girl heart and then realizing what she had done might

upset her "very catholic" mother. Yeah, Kristen, that'll upset her - not

your constant drinking and love of panty-flashing.


The real gem of this episode is when Kristen's mom does actually get

super upset about her tattoo. In her mind, because of this tattoo,

she'll no longer be able to achieve her dreams of becoming Miss USA. Um,

have you spoken to your daughter recently, mother dearest? Miss USA has to have

an IQ of at least 35 (were guesstimating), not to mention the rule about

never being a whore on a reality show. Sorry mama, your girl is shit out

of luck.

Bad Girls Club Miami, Episode 3: Tats, Brats, and Bitches

The ladies head out to Fat Tuesdays for a night out on the town with the

new boys that are currently penetrating Erica and Danielle. Catya

immediately starts hating on Erica's lover Jeff because he wouldn't

cover their $32 tab. I mean, we have to give her some credit. If you

want to get laid, men of Miami, it's really pretty simple: Buy the lady a

drink or 10.


Then Catya dishes out some great advice, "If you don't have $32, you

have to ride out." Pure poetry, girl. You're like a modern-day Dear

Abby!  Not only did Jeff come home after not paying the tab, but he

later called Catya crazy. Seeing how this is the Bad Girls Club, this

remark got him spit in his face. I know, shocker. Even though Danielle

is an idiot, she stays out of the drama and goes immediately

upstairs and gets laid. Good for you, girl!

Bad Girls Club Miami, Episode 3: Tats, Brats, and Bitches

Last week, we had general concern for the mannequins inside the house

(we're not sure there are even any left after that beat down).

But now were actually worried about the ladies. No, not because of the

STDs they'll probably get, but from the constant glass being thrown on

the floor. The glass plates and cups really started flying when Kristen

lost her shit and started chucking shit at Danielle's empty head.


It was honestly insane. I mean, even Brandi was shocked, and she shakes

her naked ass for a living. The Bad Girls Club security (this exists?)

even had to come out and restrain Kristen as if she were trying to

escape from Shutter Island. Hey Oxygen, get some fucking plastic-ware already. The ceramic shit is a workplace hazard.

The final scene

shows Kristen carted off in a van, Morgan-style. Will she stay or will

she go? Perhaps she's headed to the Miss USA pageant? Damn, looks like we'll have to wait until next week to find out.


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