If despite its hefty price tags and intimidatingly perfect patrons, you're drinking the Whole Foods' Kool Aid -- their flagship store in Austin might send you into a diabetic coma. It's the healthy eater's Holy Grail, even if too much of a good thing is, well, freakin' expensive.
The 80,000-square-foot market, bar, eatery, makeup counter and pick-up joint (we suspect) makes our local branches look like the neighborhood 7-11. But if you can't make the trek yourself, here's a photo tour of their edible wonders instead. And staying home is probably best. We're saving you like $750 in vegan cheese, organic face cream, and GMO-free lettuce.
Here's some ice-cold beer. Local beer. Beer you can drink while shopping. Seriously, get a brew in you and a $10 price tag for cereal will start to make sense.
Here's one of their in-store bars. Yes, I said: ONE OF. There's also a wine bar (see below). This place is the ultimate one stop-shop for eating, boozing, shopping, socializing and feeling morally superior to people who shop at Publix.
If you're not so much into beer, no worries. There's plenty of vino to class things up a notch.
More beer. This might be the world's best walk-in beer cooler. It has everything, from local IPAs to seasonal brews to hard ciders to shivering, indecisive patrons overwhelmed by the selection. Making your own six-pack is like the adult version of Build-a-Bear.
And because this is still Texas (barely) -- here are some custom-made cowboy boots in chocolate. Bonus points for the red, white and blue. Go 'Merica!
Here's where you can score Texas BBQ smoked onsite. Brisket, pulled pork, ribs, you name it. Not everyone in Austin's a bleeding heart vegan, after all.
If you're a coffee nerd, they've got baskets and baskets of beans. In true Austin style, this leaves little excuse to shirk the corporate chains (ahem, Starbucks).
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SHOW ME HOW
OF COURSE, there's a dessert bar. Well, several. This is the gelato bar, but there's also a cookie bar, a chocolatier stand (which you saw above), a baked goods corner, and countless other sweet treats and vegan goodies. Chocolate fountain, anyone? Chubbiness and socially-conscious eating are not mutually exclusive.
Prepare to spend a fortune, waste hours you'll never get back, and leave smelling like patchouli. But you'll feel better about yourself, and can you really put a price tag on store-bought self-esteem?
Follow Hannah on Twitter @hannahalexs.