Food News

Vodka-Soaked Tampons: Boys Are Getting Drunk Off Their Asses, Says Colbert

Stephen Colbert takes on what has to be the issue plaguing out nation's teens the most these days. No, it's not bullying, budget cuts, or teen pregnancy.

According to a KPHO Phoenix news story, teens are soaking tampons in vodka and shoving them into whatever available orifice they can find. How do we know this is true? Because a Phoenix high school security guard heard about it. And according to Colbert, when a high school security cop hears about something, it must be true.

Of course, says Colbert. That explains why the women in tampon commercials look so happy -- they're hammered.

But the trend doesn't stop with girls. According to the security cop, boys are putting these vodka- soaked treats into their rectums. Which leads Colbert to assume that teen boys are literally getting drunk off their asses.

Colbert has one tip if you're going to try this new trend: "If you soak your tampons in tequila, don't salt the rim." Truer words have yet to be spoken. Watch after the jump:

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times. She has been featured on Cooking Channel's Eat Street and Food Network's Great Food Truck Race. She won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature about what it's like to wait tables.
Contact: Laine Doss