Stephen Colbert takes on what has to be the issue plaguing out nation's teens the most these days. No, it's not bullying, budget cuts, or teen pregnancy.
According to a KPHO Phoenix news story, teens are soaking tampons in vodka and shoving them into whatever available orifice they can find. How do we know this is true? Because a Phoenix high school security guard heard about it. And according to Colbert, when a high school security cop hears about something, it must be true.
Of course, says Colbert. That explains why the women in tampon commercials look so happy -- they're hammered.
But the trend doesn't stop with girls. According to the security cop, boys are putting these vodka- soaked treats into their rectums. Which leads Colbert to assume that teen boys are literally getting drunk off their asses.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
Colbert has one tip if you're going to try this new trend: "If you soak your tampons in tequila, don't salt the rim." Truer words have yet to be spoken. Watch after the jump: