It's Friday... and that means the chaos of the South Beach Wine & Food Festival is officially underway. Foodies and winos from all over the world have flocked to our sandy beaches to take part in one of the biggest festivals in the country. You, however, are tired of hearing about it.
You're sick of your food blogger and PR rep friends talking about "the festival" for the last three weeks. We get it. We're kinda sick of it too. How crazy they must be to spend $225 on one ticket, for one day, at one festival. It's going to be hot, humid, crowded, "is she stupid or something?" you muse to yourself as your friend types in her credit card numbers to purchase her ticket online. You could think of plenty of other things to do with that 225 bucks.
Well, so can we. Here's what we'd do with the $225 we won't be spending at "the festival."
While the rest of your foodie friends are still sleeping in, dreaming of their hard-earned dollars going to waste, you're up early and pumped for a light morning jog. With the amount of food you're about to consume, trust us, you'll thank the calorie loss later. Free
Breakfast time. You've just finished your morning jog and now it's time to replenish and rehydrate. Steak and eggs at this quaint little cafe will do your body good (and surely get you prepped for the tough day ahead. Remember, you're on a mission to prove your friend's $225 wrong.) $15.75
It's hot, and the slew of festival goes all over the beach isn't helping. It's time to escape for a bit -- what better place than David's? After you order your batido de mamey, have a seat inside by the window and watch the ruckus unfold before you. Traffic jams, jaywalking, and the highlight, lightweights who are already drunk (it's probably only noon, by the way). $5.25
Chow Down Grill South Beach
By this point you've made your way over to Alton road for lunch. Unlike your friend who paid 225 bucks to have sample portions of a few dozen different types of food, you're stretching out the moolah and getting full-size portions. Go for the crispy fried snapper at Chow Down. It comes with a sweet and sour tomato sauce an Asian style slaw. $24.95
With everything you've eaten so far, you're prepped to get your money and weight's worth in afternoon cocktails. Stroll across the street to Rosa Mexicano on Lincoln Road. It's definitely a bloody mary day, so you make a solid choice with the spicy chile ahumado (roasted garlic, Oaxaca chiles). $10
Joe's Stone Crab
After your late afternoon nap, it's time for dinner. By this point, you've slept off the alcohol from those killer bloody marys and you've worked up an appetite again. A friendly reminder: you're still in much better standing than your friend who's wiped out and sunburnt at the festival. The one friend you have who isn't festival obsessed offered her company, so in return, you pick up the tab. After all, it's been a great day. She goes for the seafood cioppino (with stone crabs, mussels, and the like) and you dive head first into that steamed warm water lobster tail that stared you down when you walked in. A side of vegetable for the table to round out the heavenly meal before you. $90.85
Asia de Cuba
Time for drinks! Ah, what a fantastic day its been, and now to finally indulge in cocktails... c'est magnifique! Indulge in the signature cocktails like the mambo queen with a Laurent-Perrier and a "pop rock" rim. After that delight, try the Asia de Cuba Libre with house-spiced rum and chai cola. For the both of you, cocktails and gossip would be the perfect end to the evening. $32
Your spent a skinny $178.80 on your food-filled day. When you factor in your taxes and gratuity (it should round out to about $225), you'll still be far less sunburnt and far more pleased than your friend at "the festival."
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.