The bathrooms at some of the Miami's most popular places have been used for their traditional purpose, and for many other reasons as well. As bathroom attendants will attest, people take advantage of the seclusion to do things they probably wouldn't do in public.
"You get everything," said one attendant, who wishes to remain nameless. "From sex, to drugs, to rock and roll, baby (laughing)."
Never ones to pass up an opportunity to put together another useful list, we here at Short Order felt it time to rank these pissoirs in order of greatness. So. if you find yourself near one of the following five and in need of "rock and roll" feel free to swing by.
5. The Loews
When it comes to bathrooms, South Beach staple The Loews literally towers above the rest. As one of the tallest structures on the playa, the hotel is all you can see heading down 16th street towards Collins. The bathroom right outside Preston's restaurant is among the cleanest and nicest smelling in all of South Beach. A bamboo plant greets you as you use a towel. Forget those time-consuming hand dryers..
4. The Fontainebleau
Back when the Fontainebleau spent Yankee Stadium amounts of money to renovate the iconic hotel on 44th and Collins in 2009, special attention was given to the water closets. "If you think this is nice, you should see the bathrooms in my apartment," said John Hudson, a resident of Tower 1 -- to whom we had the good fortune of explaining to why we were taking a picture of an empty bathroom. "They really pay attention to the details - the fixtures, the faucets, (etc)." You may have to pay attention yourself when walking into the above bathroom right outside restaurant Gotham, or you'll walk right into a mirrored wall.
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3. The Setai
The Setai is known for its masterfully-designed pool that huddles a mess of VIP tables right up against the pool basin just outside a small lobby, visible once you walk in the front door. Adjacent to the pool is Miami's most enchanting bathroom - a cross between Confucius' castle and Versace's mansion. A soft white candle glistens between the stalls as green light is projected into an array on the sink ceramic and rolled up towels await your filthy hands,
2. Las Vacas Gordas
When we told owner Luis Gajer his bathroom would be selected as one of Miami's best, he said it was about time the restaurant got the recognition it deserved. While he is proud of the numerous awards for its outstanding steaks (Las Vacas was named best Argentinean restaurant by the New Times in 2010), this is the facet that makes Gajer's face light up. Not only does the design fit the restaurant's ideal location on Normandy Drive, but the single stall also features a television above the toilet for your viewing pleasure. Oh, and while you're there, try Short Order's favorite, a 1.5 rolled behemoth of a steak called the enrollada.
1. Club 50 at The Viceroy
Where else can you take a tinkle 50 flights up while looking down at the mouth of the Miami River pouring into Biscayne Bay? Get treated to floor-to-ceiling windows that afford visitors a view as far as the eye can see. If it's a number two that beckons, go all the way to the last stall for an epic view that only a city like Miami and a building like the Viceroy can provide. The exclusive nightclub is only open Thursday to Sunday, so any other day of the week you'll have to settle for just the gorgeous rooftop pool.