Girl Scout cookie season officially starts today in South Florida, and you know what that means, don't you?
Yup, dozens of little green hustlers swarming all over you whenever you try to enter a supermarket or big-box retail establishment. Trying to sell you boxes of overpriced chemical-laden cookies that are basically the same taste and quality as the crap you can buy any time of the year at Publix...but because of a great marketing campaign (or the allure of a cute pig-tailed tot), you're salivating like Pavlov's dog at the thought of a Trefoil or Thin Mint.
Thinking of this annual onslaught made us think of the Boy Scouts and why they don't sell cookies. In fact, Boy Scouts do sell something -- popcorn.
The Trail's End website sells popcorn, trail mix, and pretzels -- all benefiting the Boy Scouts of America. Trouble is, outside of a movie theater does anyone really eat popcorn? And does anyone ever eat trail mix, the unholy marriage of peanuts, raisins, and M&M's?
If the Boy Scouts are ever going to beat the girls at their own game, they've got to sell something a little more interesting...here are some suggestions:
A sure fire winner in the sales department, this meat candy is loved by all. While popcorn can only be enjoyed while watching a movie (possibly hinting to the need to be distracted from the fact you're eating something completely devoid of taste until you dress it with salt and butter-flavored machine lubricant), bacon can be enjoyed everywhere. This is one sure-fire fundraiser.
Boy Scout Beer -- we like the ring of it. What can possibly be more American than beer and Boy Scouts? Throw in the flag and a golden retriever and you've got yourself a Chevy commercial! Plus, beer is something that every household needs, unlike popcorn.
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3. Girlie Mags
Look, we're thinking most every Boy Scout has a stash of girlie mags hidden somewhere between Spiderman comics, so why not let these kids sell them on the open market? We're thinking something high-tech and on-line...like Amazon.com for the skin trade. True, Hugh Hefner's no Boy Scout...but you can bet he's eaten a few cookies in his day.
2. iPad Apps
When was the last time you saw an actual newsboy? That's because the Kindle, iPad and pesky tree-huggers who want you to conserve paper have made the daily paper all but obsolete. What's a Boy Scout to do? Move into the 21st century and sell iPad apps. We can see it now..a team of kids signing you up for the latest apps right on the spot. Somewhere up in heaven, Steve Jobs is cashing a residual check.
Boy Scouts have one thing that Girl Scouts will never have -- themselves (what were you thinking?)! Whether it's mowing a lawn, taking out the trash, or walking little old ladies across the street, Boy Scouts are known for helping people, right? So instead of earning those useless patches, why not charge for services? We're thinking $20 and hour to wash the car or rake the leaves. Sure beats hustling cookies, doesn't it?