Film & TV

Anthony Bourdain No Reservations: Sydney

Tony is drinking with some friends as they discuss Sydney, Australia. Everyone has a boat, the weather is perfect, and people drink in broad daylight. Personally, it sounds like Miami with kangaroos.

It's not all fun and games, as Tony finds out while flying in a private plane to visit a sheep farm. Lightning streaks the sky and the seat belt sign flashes a reminder that death must come to all men.The tiny plane lands and Tony is treated to many lamb chops fresh from the barbie (though Bourdain refuses to play along and insists on calling the cooker a grill). Tony's with chef-restaurateur-host of MasterChef Australia, Matt Moran. They're at Matt's father's sheep farm and we are treated to no scenes of animals getting whacked.

It's still raining as Tony heads back to Sydney to find that hipsters have taken over. Apparently

our guy is getting soft, because he says, "if you want to dress up like

Duane Eddy go in peace. As long as you make great food." He's at

Porteno, where chefs Ben Milgate and Elvis Abrahanowicz slow roast whole

animals for your dining enjoyment. Matt joints Tony for a meal of veal

sweetbreads, blood sausage, chorizo and an entire pig's head (served

with a knife in its unseeing eye).

One obligatory scene of the

Sydney Opera House before we head over to Harry's Cafe de Wheels for a

meat pie with mushy peas and gravy, where our intrepid eater admits he's

a tad too sober for a curried pie for breakfast, but...what the hell.


sounds fantastic, by the way. Basically it's football without any

padding, helmets, or safety equipment, played in what looks like Ralph

Lauren wear by teams named after cute farm animals. Tony takes in a game

between the Rabbitohs and the Roosters. Not to say that the sport

doesn't have any concern for its players well being. We're told that you

can no longer pick someone up and drop them on their heads. The

Rabbitohs, much like the Miami Dolphins, do not win. After his fifth beer, our tipsy hero quips, "somewhere Russell Crowe is crying."


in Australia, you simply must swim with the sharks. It was hyped that

Tony would do a shark dive, but it's a bit disappointing that the scene

takes place at a giant aquarium. And that these sharks aren't great

whites. Yes, yes, it's probably because of some insurance clause, but I have to

tell you that if I were a Travel Channel bigwig and this was Bourdain's last

season I'd let him try his luck in the deep ocean. Holding a chum

bucket. That's Emmy material. But in an aquarium with sea turtles and

stingrays? Meh.

Speaking of aquariums, we visit Golden Century Seafood in

Chinatown. Which is where chefs go after dinner service when they're drunk. That

sort of surprises me because the last time I went to eat seafood with

drunk people, my friend took one whiff and threw up all over my mussels.

Thankfully, I was sober enough to request another serving.


Tony hoists a pint with his new friends in the sunlight, chef Matt says

that this is what Sydney life is all about -- drinking in the afternoon

while the wife frantically texts you because you're about three hours

late. Sounds just like Miami to me!

Next week: The sex, drugs, and rock & roll edition.

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times. She has been featured on Cooking Channel's Eat Street and Food Network's Great Food Truck Race. She won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature about what it's like to wait tables.
Contact: Laine Doss