It is now safe to say another mediocre Dolphins football season has successfully completed the circle of life that is NFL in Miami — from consumption to indigestion to eventual painful, horrid, regret-filled evacuation of the system. There was nothing special about the Dolphins' 24-14 loss to the Dallas Cowboys Sunday. It was just another lost Sunday in a stretch of lost Sundays spanning roughly the same timeline as the film Boyhood.
But this latest annual Dolphins failure somehow found a way to cut even the
Some of the faces and names have changed, but the movie plot has not — the Dolphins are exactly like a Hangover movie.
It's been 15 years since the Dolphins last won a playoff game. Lamar Smith was running back. The game wasn't even on TV locally. You probably bumped Eminem's The Real Slim Shady on the way to see Cast Away in the theaters the week before.
After the loss this past Sunday, we took to Twitter to ask people exactly what they were doing the last time the Miami Dolphins won a playoff game. The results were as depressing as you may have expected.
@Rizzmigizz I watched it at my grandparents' house. They are both dead now, it is sometimes difficult to distinguish them from the Dolphins.— David Hill (@dave6834) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz Working at Dan Marino's Town Tavern in Ft. Laud. It doesn't exist anymore, much like my hope in the Dolphins.— Craig Philhower (@cphil674) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz celebrating my one year olds birthday which she is now a junior in high school and driving!— D. Mike Wood (@DMikeWood) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz I was in 1st grade. I graduate college in May.— Josh Appel (@JoshAppel) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz probably trying to get my middle school crush to notice me in my KoRn t-shirt.— James (@SavesTheJames) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz I didn't have my drivers license when Fins last won a playoff game. I'll be 32 in January.— Matty I (@TheMattyI) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz I was in preschool the last time they won a playoff game and I just graduated college.— Amee Dominguez (@AmeeLDominguez) November 22, 2015
I was in kindergarten. I'm old enough to drink and vote now. https://t.co/ETdbcX8zJN— Big The Cat (@ArieseBernard) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz Twin Towers were still standing the last time the Dolphins won a playoff game— Jorge Corrales (@JorgeCorrales) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz i was in elementary school. I've since graduated college and live on my own— ?Billy Richards? (@B_RiCH305) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz lying to girls in the AOL Miami chat room saying I was 6'4", built, and single.— Ray Finkle (@Lt_Einhorn) November 22, 2015
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
@Rizzmigizz I was in 2nd grade...graduated college this year— Rohan Nadkarni (@RohanNadkarni) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz I was listening to CDs at blockbuster music and tower records— rick (@ricksg78) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz whatever a 6 year old does. Eating crayons or something— Derek Allen (@derekjallen9) November 22, 2015
@Rizzmigizz i was 5. not interested in football. probably wondering what my genitals were— BIRDS (@BIRDS_austinmon) November 22, 2015