We were perusing Complex's "50 Best Strip Clubs in America" with a bit of disgust. The mag rattles off multiple clubs in places like Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, and Pompano Beach, and we were just sitting there thinking, The hell, you not gonna put some Miami clubs on this list? There's even a club listed called "Magic City" that isn't anywhere near the actual Magic City. If Miami does one thing right, it's strip clubs.
Well, apparently we should have waited till we reached the top of the list to pass judgment, because the top two places are occupied by Miami ;landmark strip clubs.
The infamous King of Diamonds in Miami Gardens comes in at number two. The mag gives it specific props for being fully nude and offering good food. That's of course all you really need in a strip club, but KOD offers so much more.
"From skyboxes to tanning salons to the shoe shine station to Internet access in the bathrooms, this place has it all (golf carts are available to drive the most important customers from their car to the front door)," Complex reports. "Perhaps best of all is that you'll witness some of the most impressive pole tricks in the nation."
Not exactly news to us here. Miami New Times last year took an inside look at the history of the club.
However, if KOD was only number two, we couldn't imagine what would be number one.
Turns out Complex chose the nearby Tootsie's Cabaret for the ultimate spot.
"Tootsie's is damn near the Disney World for adults," according to Complex. "Looking something like a colossal nude theme park, there's a mock movie theater façade and marquee behind the main stage, a cash prize wheel spun daily, and a VIP lounge that has a life-size subway car model where you can go inside and get lap dances."
So there you have it. Miami Gardens is home to the two best strip clubs in America.
Nearby Scarlett's Cabaret, just over the county line in Hallendale Beach, took fourth place.
Of course, we're just a bit shocked these joints are the only Miami-area strip clubs to make this list. Pompano Beach alone has three.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.