In a case custom-built for Internet pun headlines, a woman crashed her car in the Keys last week while shaving her bikini line in traffic.
Here at Riptide, our high-paid team of tabloid-producing nickname writers spent literally minutes considering the case of Megan Mariah Barnes before deciding to endorse "Pubic Enemy Number One."
The Key West Citizen, which broke the story, went with a "Razor Sharp Focus" joke. Not bad, boys; not bad at all.
Anyway, back to the lovely Ms. Barnes.
According to the FHP's report cited by the Citizen, Barnes was driving about 45 mph through Cudjoe Key last Tuesday when she decided to shave her bikini region while her ex-husband, Charles Judy, steered from the passenger seat.
The plan went awry when an SUV slowed in front of Barnes's Thunderbird in order to make a turn.
The 37-year-old Barnes, who is unemployed and lists a home address in Indiana, was allegedly too concerned with her trim-job to notice and slow down.
Barnes's Thunderbird slammed into the back of the SUV near Mile Marker 21.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Check out this fantastic quote in the Citizen story from one of the state troopers who responded:
"She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit," Trooper Gary Dunick said. "If I wasn't there, I wouldn't have believed it. About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot... who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, 'Nothing will ever beat this.' Well, this takes it."
The pubic-maintenance crash wasn't Barnes's first brush with the law. In fact, the Citizen reports, she had been convicted the day before the crash with DUI and driving with a suspended license.
She faces a new felony hit-and-run charge and two misdemeanors.