News Roundup

  • R.I.P. USA Economy. Mr. Economy was born in 1621 when some Pilgrams traded corn with Native Americans. He died last evening in the Manhattan offices of Lehman Brothers. He is survived by his third wife, Ester, and five children.

    Hyperbole aside, the events of the last 24 hours will reshape the financial sector as we know it. Lehman Brothers, the fourth largest investment bank, filed for bankruptcy. Merrill Lynch sold itself to Bank of America. And AIG, the largest Insurer in the country, is selling everything that's not nailed down in a bid for cash to evade a credit ratings downgrade. [WSJ]

  • A non-historic failure: The Dolphins got creamed by the Cardinals. It is nice to know that in these uncertain financial times at least the Dolphin's God awfulness remains constant. Betting against them is a safer investment than anything Wall Street has to offer. [Herald]

  • The Herald says newly installed Superintendent Alberto Carvalho's biggest challenge will be to unite the school board. Maybe he can spare a little bit of the five gallons of hair gel he uses everyday to get them in order. [Herald]

  • Cuba is asking Washington to lift the embargo for six months to help with Hurricane damage. [Herald]

  • Hurricane Ike killed at least 16 Americans, and took out 10 oil production platforms. [Local 10]

  • The State's Attorney General's office is investigating claims that some gas stations gouged prices after Ike. [NBC 6]

  • There's is no good news today. Nothing. So here is an adorable old lady holding a baby pig. When we officially enter Great Depression 2: Subprime Mortgage Boogaloo she will probably be forced to eat that pig, but for now it remains adorable. [YouTube]

    --Kyle Munzenrieder

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