Mugshots Friday: An Evil Beard, a Priest and a Karate Instructor Walk Into a Jail ...

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that...

By Gus Garcia-Roberts

April 27, 2012

Audio By Carbonatix

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Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 4/24

Charged with:Possession of cannabis with intent to distribute

Anybody else feel like the beard is the real (alleged) criminal mastermind and the poor man is just a pawn in its nefarious schemes?

Arrested: 4/23

Charged with: Disorderly intoxication

We chose this guy because we thought he was a priest...

Arrested: 3/25

Charged with: Strongarm robbery, battery

and this guy because we thought he was a karate instructor. Sorry, we may have thrown back a few when we picked these photos last night.

Arrested: 4/22

Charged with: Robbery, home invasion with a firearm, disorderly intoxication

Innocent until proven guilty but goodness-- if this guy smashed into my house drunk with a gun I'd give him Grandma's jewels and the account information for Little Timmy's trust fund. Even his booger looks like it could kick my ass.

Arrested: 4/21

Charged with: Prostitution

Officers, great job on cleaning the streets and all, but do you have to freakin' tag her with your name like she's Ted Williams' fish?

Arrested: 4/24

Charged with: Disorderly intoxication

You know how they say a picture is worth a thousand words? Well, this picture is an entire heartrending novel, but it's written in French, or some other romantic language I can't understand. Whose eyes are she looking into so deeply and with obvious love? Did Henry James write this mugshot? Why is she wearing a SARs mask?

Arrested: 4/19

Charged with: Aggravated battery, aggravated assault

Wait-- the lady with Macaulay Culkin's hair got in? How drunk was I?

Arrested: 4/21

Charged with: Aggravated battery with a deadly weapon

Is nobody concerned with the increasing frequency of blowed-up dudes appearing in mugshots?

Arrested: 4/25

Charged with: Misuse of 911

Okay, well at least somebody's as worked up as I am.

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Gus Garcia-Roberts

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