Update: WPLG reports that police are now searching for Doogang3x.
Remember when Alex Jones said that Democrats were planning to start a Second Civil War on July 4? You all laughed. You made memes. But at least one Miami-based freedom-fighter appears to have taken Jones' suggestion to heart, and mounted an act of anti-capitalist rebellion on yesterday's annual celebration of hollow patriotism and processed meats.
Just kidding: Actually, some social-media "prankster" named Doogang3x lit a roman-candle-style firework inside a Dollar Tree near the Falls in Southwest Miami-Dade County, and it appears that the police and fire-rescue were forced to respond. Happy Fourth!
Disclaimer: Much like the twice-yearly warnings we issue not to shoot your gun in the air to celebrate Fourth of July or New Year's Eve, New Times implores you not to do this, you morons:
Frankly, the funniest part of the whole thing is that, upon entering the store and placing the lit fireworks on the ground, Doogang3x immediately sits down on the floor and starts shouting, "Why are they doing this!?" in an apparent attempt to blame the entire thing on some extremely wild Dollar Tree employees.
Doogang3x then seems to realize he's lit a sparkler inside a Dollar Tree, a store that seems to exclusively sell flammable paper junk, and that there's a bunch of cardboard right next to the sparking device he's just set off. He grabs a cardboard display box and yanks it away from the shooting flames. Smoke quickly fills the Dollar Store as bewildered employees and customers watch.
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Photos taken from the scene show some Miami-Dade County Police officers responding. MDPD and Miami-Dade County Fire Rescue didn't immediately respond to requests for more information on the scene.
A quick search through Doogang3x's online persona reveals him to be an extremely low-rent version of YouTube "prank" stars, such as Jake and/or Logan Paul. (It's hard to imagine a worse way to insult someone.)
Other clips show the Miami-Dade man bothering chain-pharmacy employees by scratching his crotch and shouting, "My dick itch, dawg," having some sort of fake seizure inside a Pizza Hut, and lighting an air-horn inside an Arby's. He has 183,000 Instagram followers — but, perhaps since his last prank brought the fuzz down on him, his account is now private. #FreeDooGang