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Healthcare workers wear protective gear at a drive-thru testing center in West Palm Beach.EXPAND
Healthcare workers wear protective gear at a drive-thru testing center in West Palm Beach.

Uncle Luke: Coronavirus Will Be Worse Than a Cat 4 Hurricane

The coronavirus pandemic is proving the United States has the dumbest government in the world. And it'll only get worse while Donald Trump is in charge. It doesn't take a stable genius to realize the president could have gotten this crisis under control had he not declined the World Health Organization's testing kits.

It's really simple: Get the tests. Then test everybody. The people who test positive should go straight to quarantine for treatment. Everybody else can go about their lives. South Korea has drive-thru COVID-19 testing centers where people are in and out in about ten minutes. They get the results via text usually within 24 hours, and it's free.

Meanwhile, in the Sunshine State, the Florida Department of Health is releasing updates about the number of infected people at 1 o'clock in the morning when everybody is asleep. Even then, the state is so behind on releasing information that it isn't always clear where the new cases are, how the virus is spreading, and whether the infected people recently traveled.

We have now reached the point where schools and colleges are closed, big nightclubs such as LIV are going on hiatus, the Youth Fair and other big events have been canceled, restaurants and bars aren't letting more than 50 people inside at a time, and Miami Beach has enacted an 11 p.m. curfew in the middle of spring break. Some cities are taking more precautions than others. The City of Miami closed all of its parks, but parks in Miami Gardens remain open.

It's as if the entire nation is under a Category 4 hurricane warning. But this situation will be much worse because hurricanes usually affect only some states, and goods can still be brought in from elsewhere once a storm passes. People are panicking and emptying store shelves in preparation for self-isolating for three months of this shit. Gun shops are nearly cleaned out as people have bought up all the ammunition and most of the firearms. Reports are conflicting about how long we should expect to shelter in place. Some say eight weeks. Others say six months.

Hospitality workers might soon be laid off as hotels, restaurants, and bars are forced to close. When people who have no money left for rent are evicted, major anarchy will ensue. Police officers who haven't been tested will be asked to patrol danger zones. Some of them will lay down their guns and quit on the spot, as New Orleans cops did in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

Trump claims he will provide small businesses with assistance. That's bullshit. The only way you will get assistance if you can't qualify for a small-business loan is to grease Trump's boys on Wall Street.

And it could all end with Trump extending his presidency without an election. Already, Georgia and Louisiana have delayed primary elections to avoid large masses of people at polling stations. Trump — who keeps blaming Barack Obama for the nation's problems despite being in office for more than three years — could declare nationwide martial law, and no one would be allowed out of their homes for months.

When this is over, the coronavirus pandemic will have been worse than a hurricane. The Florida economy will take at least three years to recover.

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