In the last two decades people have earned themselves freedom -- freedom not to marry young, marry straight, marry within their race, stay married, or even marry at all. As it turns out, being free doesn't guarantee you any dates. But speed-dating companies can. For between $20 and $40 per event, speed daters receive one-on-one time with 8 to 30 people in one night.
Though the big three speed-dating companies -- 8minuteDating, HurryDate, and Pre-Dating -- have their distinguishing characteristics, they all base their events on the same template. Speed-dating singles generally need Internet access to secure an account on the company's Website. (For the time being, this little requirement tends to draw people who have a minimum level of education and/or income.) After registering for an event, the singles gather together in the location of the dating event -- normally a popular restaurant, bar, or club on a weeknight -- to participate in one-on-one dates, timed at a few minutes each.
The daters each have a name tag, which normally includes first name and last initial or first name and ID number, and a "scorecard." They use their scorecards to mark "yes" or "no" for each date. Once the speed daters get home, they log on to the Website and enter the names of the people they liked. If two daters have entered each other, they receive e-mails with the other's contact information. (Companies don't guarantee matches.)
Pre-Dating founder and CEO Vince Gelormine believes his six-minute format is best, but understands that his clients will patronize other companies. "Someone who is single will do multiple things to meet people," says the 36-year-old former investment banker, who is single. "I don't look at any of that as competition. I look at it as if we're providing another tool in the single person's toolbox."
According to the heads of the big three speed-dating companies, the industry has grown more than 400 percent in the past two years, making it the first dating phenomenon unique to the 21st Century. Today 8minuteDating claims to be in more than 70 cities, HurryDate in more than 60, and Pre-Dating in more than 45. This year all three companies can boast at least one impending marriage between clients. Each offers events in South Florida, and each holds a very strong belief in the idea that a few minutes can make a big difference when you're looking for love.
- 8minuteDating -
Most of these events are held on work nights, so speed daters often arrive a bit late and in slightly wrinkled business casual. The first people they meet are the 8minuteDating coordinators -- Nicole Soltau, a friendly and unimposing Asian-American woman, and Tracie Gordon, a gregarious and robust African American.
As candidates enter the Hard Rock Café at downtown Miami's Bayside Marketplace, Soltau and Gordon give each a name tag and a scorecard. The scorecard includes suggested conversational topics ("Where are you from? What kind of work do you do? What's the best trip you've ever taken?") as well as rules and tips ("Please, do not ask anyone for their last name, phone number, e-mail address, business card, or for a date..."). A free-drink voucher and an ice-breaker, a riddle on a piece of paper, round out the 8minuteDater's standard materials.
The tables are numbered and set with two votive candles. At each seat, an 8minuteDating.com drink coaster extols that this is "The fast, fun, and guaranteed way to meet someone!" as sixteen tiny, two-dimensional faces smile, slightly smug, as if they discovered this a long time ago.
The 8minuteDating logo is a martini glass with a heart-shaped olive inside. Kebabs, quesadillas, and chicken fingers huddle together in chafing dishes. While waiting for the dating to begin, some of the women pair off and chat; the men waste little time introducing themselves to the women.
In general it seems that women at male-female speed-dating events socialize with each other far more than do the men. "That's because men are on a mission," explains West Palm Beach's John F.X. Warburton, a psychotherapist who has been working with individuals and couples since 1964. "They think it's something they can control, so they have to find out all the information they can. The guy is looking for the formula while the woman is interested in the process, which is why she talks and exchanges. It's just a different orientation."
Because speed dating is still somewhat new, many of the people who attend are nervous neophytes. Understanding this, Tracie Gordon begins the event with a pep talk: "We're here to have fun. We're all in the same boat. We want to meet people.... Does a match mean I've found true love? No."
Gordon adds that each date lasts eight minutes, at the end of which time she will ring a bell to signal that daters should move to the next table. (At 8minuteDating events, both the men and women change tables.) With the ring of a bell the first round begins, and Gordon watches her daters like a mom on a bench at the playground.
"It's a way to get out and enjoy yourself," she explains. "There's no pressure. If I'm at a bar, I have to wait for someone to talk to me. Here, we're all coming for the same reason. Even if a person doesn't make a connection, he or she can think: 'At least I've gotten to know people I wouldn't have known before.' Also it's a cheap date."
A video crew from Telemundo shows up. (Speed-dating events are crawling with journalists.) The reporter -- guapo, moreno, suave -- and his cameraman rush to set up shop at the back table, where the camera's bright light shines like a third eye as the reporter pretends to have an intimate dating moment.
Almost every man sits the same way -- elbows on the table, leaning forward. "[That position] is two things," begins Warburton, who is also a dancer and performance artist. "It's a thrusting gesture. And it's certainly more intense. It implies being more intimate. I don't know if it means that, but it implies it."
After two dates the ice has broken, or at least melted in drained cocktail glasses, and everyone seems to remember they are all just people talking to other people. By round four Gordon has to ring the bell more than once to get them to move along.
During intermission people use the restroom, step outside for a cigarette, or review their notes from the first four rounds to answer the questions posed on the score sheet ("Was your date respectful?") and to finish this statement: "I would like to contact this person again for: Dating, Friendship, or Business." One man secretly excuses himself and goes home, which means one woman is dateless every round for the rest of the event. When this happens, Gordon gives whoever is sitting out a free-drink voucher. During round eight, the final round, this woman is "Kerry R4H." I sit down to talk with her.
Kerry is an attractive, forthright 34-year-old computer programmer and single mom. She's been having a hard time meeting people. "How do I meet somebody when I've got my face in the computer all day?" she asks. "A lot of people tell me to get a hobby, and I'm sure that would work, but that's where the single-parenting thing comes in. My daughter is a hobby."
This is Kerry's first speed-dating event, and it was not an easy thing for her to do. She closed the registration Webpage twice before finally registering, then didn't tell anyone other than her mother and brother. "I guess if it was a success, I'd tell people that I went," she says. "But since it's not a success yet, I don't want to talk about it. I'm just one of those people who hate to fail at things."
For Kerry, simply attending a speed-dating event is in some way an admission of failure. "I was popular in high school, popular in college. I always had dates," she recounts. "Now, to not have people flocking to me.... My ego says the right man will see me walking down the street and come running. But that's not what happens in the real world. It was hard to admit that I had to do something."
Overall Kerry is impressed with the quality of men. "They were just normal people.... One guy said, 'I didn't think that people actually do this. I wanted to check it out.' I was like, 'What a rude guy.' The reason I wanted to go, the hope that I had, was that I would be sitting across the table from people who were going, 'Yeah, it really is difficult to meet people.' It's kind of disappointing to be a part of someone's little experiment."
I suggest to Kerry that maybe this guy only said that because he is also embarrassed about participating. She agrees this could be true. "But either way," she counters, "I'm immediately turned off. Either you're honest about not wanting to meet people, and I don't want to be sitting with you, or you're lying about not wanting to meet people, and I don't want to be sitting with you."
Even though she will not attempt to match with any of tonight's guys, Kerry remains hopeful for future 8minuteDating events. "I like the concept of sitting two people at a table. There's that awkwardness when you're walking up and starting a conversation with someone and then you find out they're married and there's the wife around the corner giving you a dirty look. This event takes out the awkwardness of starting a conversation."
Sometime in July, Kerry will participate in a single-parent event, which Tracie Gordon is hosting in part because Kerry requested it. "I think that will be the best for me," she says. The only other thing Kerry dislikes about this event is that she didn't have a chance to meet every guy here. (A gripe unique to 8minuteDating.)
With a degree from Tufts University in human factors engineering, Tom Jaffee, the company's 40-year-old founder, sticks by the length of his dates. "There's a concept called Miller's Magic Number -- seven plus or minus two -- which is the number of things your mind can contain at a given time," he explains. "I think people have sort of had enough after having eight or nine dates. The eight minutes is designed to give people enough time to talk about themselves and make an educated decision. And if eight minutes seems like drudgery, you know you probably don't want to spend your precious time with that person anyway."
To what does Jaffee attribute the growing popularity of speed dating? "Word of mouth has been a huge factor. Another factor that fits in is how society has changed. More and more so, people are busy and frustrated with playing games. Areas are transient. People don't have the depth of friends or family to fix them up. This is a very efficient, cost-effective way to meet people. Twenty-eight dollars for the entire evening. That's less than four dollars per date. And what we do is sort of like online dating in reverse. With online dating you exchange information first, and then you get to meet. We're the other way around.
"When you get there, people are kind of nervous," Jaffee continues. "But as soon as they get to that first date all the tension sort of dissipates. A room of single people all interested in meeting someone, they're all about your age and there are no games. They realize this is about as cool as it gets."
John Warburton says "as cool as it gets" is not how he would describe the experience for someone like Kerry. "If they're walking in there with stigmas, they may be laughing on the outside, but they're not laughing on the inside," he muses. "If she goes to those places and does that activity, she can be perceived as a woman longing for, wishing for, wanting -- making her feel more of her vulnerability. Then she feels ashamed about her feelings of vulnerability, which everybody does."
- HurryDate -
I arrive at Fort Lauderdale's Olé Olé at the Las Olas Riverfront in the middle of a monsoon, which is probably why a few of the women scheduled for this event don't show up. HurryDate coordinator Dan Benjamin, a single 36-year-old mortgage broker and board member of Young Professionals of Covenant House, presides over the gathering dressed in a referee's jersey, complete with whistle around his neck. He grew up in Hollywood and, like HurryDate founders Ken Deckinger and Adele Testani, graduated from the University of Florida. Dan encourages me to participate. Remembering what Kerry said about feeling like an "experiment" for men who weren't really there to meet people, I hesitate. He assures me the table would just be empty if I abstain, so I write "New Times" under "Marli #15." Dan gives me a HurryDate scorecard adorned with the company logo: a martini olive with a heart inside it.
As a short film, this moment of my life would be called Chasing Ben Affleck (if you know what I mean -- wink), so I'm probably the least nervous. Like 8minuteDating, the men here are, for the most part, handsome, employed, and sweet.
With about 25 dates in one night, singles at HurryDate meet more people in a sitting than at 8minuteDating or Pre-Dating. To accomplish this the coordinators keep each date at a brief three minutes, after which time the men move to the next table. (A gesture of speed-dating chivalry.)
"We picked three minutes for a very specific reason," says 27-year-old Adele Testani. "It's enough time to figure out if there's a basic attraction. It's also short enough that if you don't like the person, you don't have to spend an eternity with them."
A lanky German man wearing a tie is animated and endearing until a piece of spittle flies from his mouth and lands on my face. It's a small and simple misfortune that could happen to anyone, I remind myself, and it wasn't his fault. Still it disables my ability to keep up the staccato of small talk, so I just smile at whatever he's saying, which he takes as a reason to smile wider and stare at me without blinking or looking away. (What kind of gesture would Warburton consider this?) I feel like a strudel two inches from Augustus Gloop -- "Don't lose your head, Augustus. We wouldn't want anyone to lose that now, would we?" -- when the bell finally rings and the next date approaches.
He has a shaved head and ruddy, cupid-bow lips that match the red T-shirt stretched taut over his broad, muscular shoulders. In my eyes he seems to be the most handsome guy in the room. He's also the first HurryDate I have after my Ketel One and tonic kicks in.
"You seem like a good guy."
"And you can tell that in a minute? Whether or not I'm a good guy?"
"Good point. Probably not. What do you do?"
"I run a summer camp for kids."
I think about Kerry from 8minuteDating and wonder what kind of woman this man prefers. When the bell rings I'm sad to see him go.
Toward the end of the event a tall, thin man with a slight Southern accent sits across from me with a drink in his hand. "What the fuck, man? How are you?" he asks. He's very, very loud but friendly. Seeing that I'm a reporter, he confides that women have been asking him if he finds them attractive, then gives me his opinion of his fellow male daters. "Some of these guys are fuckin' nerds, you know. I don't need to take fuckin' notes, man. Do you need to take notes? Here, I'll tell you all you need to know about me. I like to play pool. I like a good steak. I like good red wine. That's all you need. Pool, steak, red wine. Simple. There you go. All right? Take care, sweetheart."
I'm unable to concentrate because the girl next to me is leaning all the way over the table so the young man sitting across from her can smell the perfume on her neck. She has a curtain of long, curly black hair that makes it difficult for me to spy whether or not he's begun to kiss her. It's a small spectacle that I'm having a hard time dismissing. People clearly make matches at these events.
With HurryDate there's really no time for notes or for differentiating whether or not you'd like to know someone for business, friendship, or romance. People are encouraged to circle "yes" or "no" quickly, which I fail to do and am therefore a failure as a HurryDater. At the end of the night the group has blended into a single memory of attractive, professional young adulthood. The dates who stick out are the four I just mentioned -- one of whom wasn't even mine. Still I feel good about the people I met and the way I spent the last two hours, even though I don't enter any matches.
I do, however, hear from "Jason," a 38-year-old software salesman. New to the area, he signed up for HurryDate and told a friend, who laughed at him. Of the experience, he says: "Overall it was a fairly relaxed process, even though the pace was a bit frenetic." He received a few matches but the women never returned his subsequent e-mails. Jason says it's unlikely he'll go to this type of event again but would encourage others to try it. "It's relatively fun, easy, and something to try," he offers. "But I wouldn't expect to meet my soul mate there."
"Even if you don't meet your soul mate, you're gonna have a great night out and just have a fun experience," says Testani, a cheerful young professional who is not above using smiley faces in her e-mails. She met her partner Deckinger when the two were high school students in Boca Raton. (Testani graduated from Spanish River High School in 1993. Deckinger, former "Mr. Boca High," graduated in 1992.)
Testani has participated in her own events. "I was amazed at how exhausted I was at the end of it," she marvels. "The adrenaline was kind of pumping, and I was like, 'Wow, 25 dates go so quickly.'"
Warburton says these short dates rely heavily on something he calls "magical thinking," which he explains this way: "'If I just go and just interact for a few minutes with fifteen to twenty people, I may find my heart's desire.' Not that we don't all do that anyway. The people who put the ['don't expect true love'] disclaimer out do so in order to cut off at the path possible legal actions or hurt feelings.
"But the three-minute date is putting all its money into the magical thinking pot: 'I'm just going to look at her or him and react and think: Ohh, isn't that nice or I don't like him.' This is all based on internal stuff, not the other person."
Younger daters seem to appreciate the more-and-shorter-dates format, which may be why MTV featured HurryDate in one of its Sex2K documentaries. Planetout.com also links to HurryDate's Website to keep its readers informed of same-sex events across the country. Even with all the attention, Testani admits, "There's still a little bit of stigma attached."
- Relay Dating -
Blond, muscular, and very handsome, 39-year-old Edison Farrow bears a striking resemblance to American Idol's Ryan Seacrest. The outfit he dons to host relay dating also bears a striking resemblance to Dan Benjamin's from HurryDate. In a ref's jersey and with a whistle around his neck, Farrow encourages his 37 gay male relay daters at Miami Beach's Lime Bar to take their seats, which are lined up in two long rows of 18. Their dates will last two minutes; then they take the next chair to their right. Because there is an odd number of participants, each man has a break when he reaches the single seat at the head of the two rows. I'm sitting next to this chair, on a stool at the bar. The only woman in the room, I'm like the free space on a Bingo card. When the men reach this seat, they look down the row, which earns the nickname "the gauntlet," and sigh: "Wow, that's a lot of people."
These guys are all pretty handsome, yet not uniform. White, Hispanic, and African American. Some are dressed conservatively, some in club clothes. Some are muscular, others look more bookish. They start each date with a smile and a handshake and everyone seems unguarded and open to conversation -- not something one often sees at, say, a circuit party or a big gay venue. Their two-minute interactions seem very much the same as those at HurryDate -- people ask the same questions, make the same faces.
As I chat with the men in the Free Space, I notice two things. They almost all would have preferred fewer dates and more time. Also they aren't that surprised at themselves for trying speed dating. Quite a number of the men had tried meeting other men online (and echoed the Tom Jaffee sentiment that people online tend not to look the way they describe themselves). For many of these gay men, who have often already used inventive ways to meet potential partners, this was just a new option.
In fact gays, along with Jews, are the pioneers on the speed-dating frontier. The simple explanation for this is that, barring visual cues like a yarmulke or an "Out and Proud" T-shirt, singles from these specific groups are far less likely to rely on sight to identify members of their desired demographic group. (On the other hand, straight singles looking to date someone of the opposite sex need only see people to know whether they're male or female and wearing a wedding ring.) As such, members of these minority groups have traditionally relied on intermediaries -- clubs, temples, bookstores, college groups -- as a way to meet potential partners.
Aish HaTorah describes itself as "an apolitical, international network of Jewish educational centers, providing opportunities for Jews of all backgrounds to discover the wisdom and beauty of their heritage in an atmosphere of open inquiry and mutual respect." In 1998 the Los Angeles branch offered its members something called SpeedDating -- one-on-one dates that lasted seven minutes. With the intention of getting Jewish singles to date within their religion, it was the first one-on-one event of its kind; soon it spread to Aish HaTorah's other North American branches. (In SpeedDating: The Movie, Charlton Heston stars as L.A.'s "Rabbi Yaacov Deyo" -- "Let my people date!")
Before Aish HaTorah, gay men and women had been frequenting similar types of events. Rafael Reisenberg is the 44-year-old founder of Date Bait. Operating solely in New York State and catering to gay, lesbian, and straight singles, Date Bait began in October 1996. (I participated in one of its events during the summer of 2001, when I was living in Brooklyn.) Unlike speed dating, it offers group interaction (not one-on-one dates), although it does offer anonymous and synchronized matchmaking events.
So why do these speed-dating companies trace their lineage solely to Aish HaTorah? "Well, before SpeedDating was established, Aish HaTorah was already established as a nationwide company," Reisenberg notes. "So once their L.A. branch started it, they could really spread the idea quickly. All the other ones that have come since then are following the SpeedDating format."
Aish HaTorah trademarked the term "SpeedDating" (capital "S," capital "D," no space), but it couldn't patent the format, nor could it patent the consecutive use of the words "speed" and "dating." In 2001 8minuteDating, then HurryDate, FastDater (also in South Florida), and Pre-Dating first set their numbered placards on tables for two, and the speed-dating industry was born.
"Kevin," a 33-year-old relay dater who works in retail management, first learned about speed dating on Oprah. "The topic of the show was women who have a hard time meeting a quality man. And I thought, 'Hmmm, that's kind of interesting.'"
Kevin says he's tried everything -- "bars, clubs, blind dates. It's kind of hard to meet somebody you want to connect with. You can have quantity but you won't find a lot of quality."
Though he has realistic expectations for this event, Kevin says he always has his eye out for the person with whom he is going to spend the rest of his life. "I think that's the one thing we all really want. Gay or straight."
- Pre-Dating -
With dates that last six minutes apiece, Pre-Dating president Vince Gelormine thinks his events are a compromise between HurryDate and 8minuteDating. "In three minutes it's hard to get past the small talk," he says. "It's okay for a younger crowd, but the older you go the less they like the three minutes. If you go beyond six minutes, it starts getting too long. Plus with the eight-minute dating you don't get to meet every person in the room."
Gelormine, who is based out of Broward County, ran his first event in Fort Lauderdale in December 2001. Of the three big speed-dating companies, Pre-Dating offers the greatest variety of dating events in South Florida. "If there's one thing I've learned," Gelormine declares, "it's that everyone has preferences."
Over the next month or so Pre-Dating will host events for black women/white men as well as white women/black men. His most popular event is older women/younger men. He also has a category for "plus-size admirers" as well as tall women/tall men.
"The bottom line is that a woman who is six feet tall has a heck of a time finding men her size. Where else can she find someone who is single, professional, in her geography, in her age range, and her height? And how long would that take her to come into contact with that? What's that worth? I think we provide a great service for the price."
Gelormine is possibly the speed-dating CEO with the most personal dating experience, which may be why he has such insightful observations about the behavior of people at these events. He says the three reasons people don't try speed dating are: ego ("I don't need the help"), a lack of self-confidence ("I don't want to go and be rejected potentially by a dozen people"), and fear of the unknown. "The quality of people who go to these events is high," he notes. "But if you don't go, you never know. That's the key. Getting them to try it."
According to Gelormine, men especially don't realize how attractive the women are. But once they show up, more than 90 percent circle yes to at least one date. And many return.
Gelormine adds that psychological issues are definitely a factor he takes into consideration: "At the event, for example, we position the tables in such a way so the man is always approaching the woman. It's just a slight little thing -- but women tend to prefer not being snuck up on."
Women, he says, also appreciate not having to come up with ways to reject men, because all they have to do is answer discreetly on the sheet, as is the case with all speed-dating events.
"The guys need tips. There are a lot more areas where men can go wrong," Gelormine concedes. "Like talking too much about themselves or talking about past relationships. I'll tell you the biggest mistake guys make: As soon as they sit down, within 20 or 30 seconds they know whether or not they're circling yes. They see how she looks, gauge her voice and how she speaks -- and they know. So what do they do? They start selling themselves. They talk all about themselves because they already know they're saying yes to her. After six minutes the guys leave, having talked all about themselves -- and the women circle no. Most guys aren't all about themselves, but at these events people tend to extrapolate small things about who you are."
The more relaxed and confident a man is, the more yes votes he'll receive, says Gelormine, who has noticed that men repeat the process more than women do. Women tend to go about three or four times and then stop, but if men come back, they return an indefinite number of times. "Men look at dating as a numbers game, and this does help you even the odds. They'll repeat because they see the potential."
So why do women stop after three or four times? Says John Warburton: "If that's his data, that makes sense. If people don't have what I am going to call, for lack of a better term, an 'aha!' experience, they'll give it up. The females are much more oriented to the emotional experience, and it's harder to have an emotional 'aha!' experience, especially in those circumstances. Whereas the men are more oriented to the physical."
In other words, if a man sees women who are attractive at these events -- and aha!, he will -- he knows it's just a matter of time before he clicks with one of them. Whereas a woman going into the event may be looking to -- aha! -- click with someone right away. If she doesn't, she may eventually stop going.
"Janet" is a Jewish acupuncturist. She's never been married, is in good shape, and is also very friendly. I can't imagine anyone having a bad conversation with her. This Jewish-only event at Blue Café in Sunny Isles Beach is her second; her first was a Pre-Dating event for professional singles (of no specific religion) in Fort Lauderdale.
Although Aish HaTorah developed SpeedDating with the good intentions of helping Jewish singles find their beshert (soul mate), some of the women at this event, including Janet, are willing to dismiss the idea of a beshert in exchange for a compatible companion. "It's so hard out there to go from nothing to finding something in common," she says. "Although I don't really care if the person is Jewish, it is at least a starting point. I find that a lot of people don't end up married to the love of their life. That said, there still has to be some kind of spark."
This is also the second event for "Helen." A divorced mom with her own business, Helen wants to meet a Jewish man. "My last marriage, I married somebody who was a Southern Christian," she explains. "I'm a Jew from New York. I think that was a factor in our divorce."
After her first speed-dating event, Helen did match with a Jewish gentleman she liked quite a bit. But he ended up going back to an old girlfriend, and so she's giving Pre-Dating another try. "It's just another avenue to meet people," she says. "I'm not looking to get married again, but I would like to spend some good one-on-one time. I'd like someone to go with to services on the holidays. The more compatible you are with another person, the easier it is for the relationship."
The next morning both women report they didn't have a match with any of the men they chose. Both say they'll probably try Pre-Dating one or two more times. (Making it three or four times total -- right in Gelormine's predicted range.)
Recently Gelormine helped a New York-based colleague hold a "Lock and Key" party at Oxygen Lounge in Coconut Grove. Gelormine thinks this will be the next big trend in dating events. "You'll notice a total reversal of behavior," he advises. "The women approach the men just as much as the men approach the women."
When I arrive at Oxygen for the party on a Friday evening, the front room is already almost too packed to walk through. Each man, when he registers, gets a key. Each woman is given a padlock. No one knows which key opens which lock. The object is to find out via trial and error. The crowd is different from the people at speed-dating events -- I notice this immediately. Or it's the same crowd but the people need to work to get noticed since there are no guaranteed one-on-one interactions. As I watch Deco Drive's cameraman shine his light into the room, I come up with a new question for speed-dating coordinators to put on their scorecards: "If I were a reporter, why would you be an interesting source for my piece on speed dating?"
As a reporter, I'm going to answer my own question: People who attend these events are interesting because they're willing to face rush-hour traffic, the smirks of their friends and family, and most important, their own emotional baggage in the attempt to connect intimately with one another. I think this is what all the reporters at these events are trying to say: No matter how stratified and specific our romantic tastes have become, no matter how prevalent divorce has become, and no matter how far we've driven from that 1950s American suburb, people have not given up on love, and they have not given up on the possibility that they can find it with someone they've yet to meet.
At the bar I bump into "Andrew," a guy I sat with during HurryDate. I'm the fourth woman he's recognized from another event. He's the third person I've recognized from another event. (One was a coordinator for 8minuteDating.) There are too many people in the room. Andrew is getting frustrated -- he's not meeting any women here -- and says he liked the other events better, even though they've yielded no girlfriends.
"I wore my ass pants tonight!" he yells above the din.
"What's that?"
"My ass pants! I figure, if you can't dazzle them with personality, attract them with the ass pants!"
He turns and wiggles his ass, which does look quite nice in this particular pair of pants. I congratulate him. Then we decide to split so he can try to meet more women. As I watch him nudge between bodies, I'm reminded of something my mother once suggested to me -- that all conversations between two people can be traced psychologically to this one question: "Do you love me -- yes or no?"
Speed-dating coordinators, of course, would encourage you to amend that question when attending their events: Is it at all possible that you could see yourself feeling an affinity for me in some professional, romantic, physical, or friendly context at some point in the future?
Nonetheless, at night's end, no matter where you've done your speed dating, you'll still have to answer the big question: Yes or no.
8minuteDating
www.8minutedating.com, 617-859-8866
Miami-Dade, Broward, Palm Beach
Cost: $28.88 online, $33.88 at the door
Date length: Eight minutes
Number of dates: Eight
Types of events: Gay, lesbian, straight, African American, Jewish, Christian,
single parent, fitness-oriented
(coordinators are open to requests)
Pros: If you don't get a match, your next 8minuteDating event is free
Cons: You don't speed date with every available person in the room
HurryDate
www.hurrydate.com, 212-871-6707
Miami-Dade, Broward, Palm Beach
Cost: $35, register and pay only online, need e-mail address
Date length: Three minutes
Number of dates: Normally 25
Types of events: gay, lesbian, straight, African American, Jewish, Latin,
different age ranges
Pros: Lively and large group
Cons: It's called HurryDate for a reason
Pre-Dating
www.pre-dating.com, 954-741-3670
Miami-Dade, Broward, Palm Beach
Cost: $29 (register online or over the phone, not at the door)
Date length: Six minutes
Number of dates: Ten to fifteen
Types of events: Straight, varied ages, tall women/tall men, Christian, Jewish, African American, interracial
Pros: You meet with every available
person in the room
Cons: The more specified your group, the more likely you are to see repeat daters after your first event
Relay Dating at Lime Bar
1771 West Ave., Miami Beach
Cost: $20 cash at the door
(RSVP by e-mail only)
Date length: Two minutes
Number of dates: Up to 39
Types of events: Gay male
Pros: 40 guys at $20
-- that's only $2 per guy
Cons: Most frenetic pace of all the
speed-dating events
"Lock and Key" Parties
www.lockandkeyparties.com,
954-647-9441
Miami-Dade, Broward, Palm Beach
Cost: $15-$20
Date length: Two to three hours
Number of dates: It's a club filled with single people
Types of events: Mixer for straight
singles, ages 21 and over
Pros: You meet a lot of single people
Cons: No guaranteed one-on-one time with anyone, and it can be very crowded
-- Marli Guzzetta
