Ed Koch Gone Bad, Tiny Coolio Braids, and Crowdsourcing a Beard Joke

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.

Arrested: 9/18

Charged with: Battery

Dude, it's Nevin Shapiro's soul.

Arrested: 9/26

Charged with: Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, domestic battery by strangulation, threat against a public servant, battery on emergency medical care provider

Remember when Ed Koch was just the wacky mayor of a dilapidated New York City? Then he came down here, joined a ruthless old-man gang, and started beating up on every paramedic in sight.

Arrested: 9/23

Charged with: Petty theft

We're pretty sure we've featured her before. When you look like the naked AARP version of Jackie Brown, you're going to get featured everytime you're arrested. It's in the Mugshots Friday policy book.

Arrested: 9/19

Charged with: Burglary of an unoccupied structure

Have you ever seen mugshots from another county? The lighting sucks, and they're all wearing prison scrubs. Here, we got old ladies wearing headphones on their neck, and young dudes allowed to keep their baseball hats skewed behind them in a 1997 fashion, and we're pretty sure Annie Liebovitz is the jailhouse camera operator.

Arrested: 9/26

Charged with: Aggravated batter on a law enforcement officer, resisting officer with violence to his person

Oh my Lord, that neck. What does he keep in those folds? Nazi gold? Missing Connecticut children? MORE folds? Sweat? Probably sweat.

Arrested: 9/25

Charged with: Tampering with physical evidence, possession of a controlled substance, resisting officer without violence

Yay! Tiny Coolio braids!

Arrested: 9/16

Charged with: Battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting officer with violence

Wow. Cops are deeply in love with the charge "resisting officer with violence" because the guy can be beat up as hell and they can just claim he fought back when they were trying to cuff him. But when a mugshot shows the guy looking like Wile E. Coyote after getting blown up by some dynamite, the bullshit meter starts to beep kind of loud.

Arrested: 9/23

Charged with: Grand theft third degree, no driver's license

No honey, there's no good reason why I didn't replace the toilet paper holder with a fresh roll. Yes, honey, I understand why you now must brutally bludgeon me with an disassembled Ikea desk.

Arrested: 9/19

Charged with: Possession of cocaine with intent to sell

We were pretty confident this guy's beard looked like the cartoon character "Doug" hung upside down. That didn't hold up so well to Google image verification. So now we're opening it up to the crowd. Best suggestion of what this guy's beard looks like will get a pair of New Times sunglasses mailed to them.

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