Taylor Swift is coming to town. She'll be singing about heartbreak and no-gooders and bad romantic decisions.
Of course, that's all swell and splendid, but we want to see Tay-Tay's other talents on display.
And no, we're not talking about her ta-tas. Girl has some dank dance moves. And by dank, we mean lanky, awkward white girl strut. But that's her swag, and she rocks it well.
We can all learn a lot from watching Swift's two-and-a-half-steps. Just check out her top ten dance GIFs.
The Excited Sing-Along
Before making it big, most celebrities and industry professionals are run through some kind of de-funning machine. They seem to lose all personality and playfulness in return for a hip jacket and a down-the-nose point of view. But not Taylor. She avoided the devil's soul-sucking contract, and she still belts it out like a true fan girl. Kudos to you.
The Happy Head Nod
Even if the song you're enjoying is sweet and soft, there's still a way to shine and be a star. Show the artist that they've got your complete attention with a beaming smile and a rockin' head bob. This is a good way to warm up. So use it early in the evening before you bust out the big moves.
Sometimes, the music fills you with such joy, it bubbles up and explodes right out of your chest. When that happens, don't try to fight the feeling. Instead, act it out with your hands and mouth. That way, the deaf members of the audience can experience the magic with you.
The Phys Ed Krump-Pump
Ms. Swift may be white, but that doesn't mean she can't try to krump her stuff like a clown. Damn sweet thing ain't got no meat on her bones, but she'll stay shaking' 'em till she's breakin' 'em. The best part is watching those two dudes try to decide just what in the actual hell they're watching. C'mon guys! Get into the groove!
The Shimmy Swirl
When you feel the sexy bubbling up, you've got to let it go like no one's watching, even if you're Taylor Swift and you know someone's always watching. Her sexy shimmy may be goofy, but that kind of honest and unabashed abandon shows confidence. And confidence is always attractive. If these guys can't hang with Tay-Tay's moves, that's their problem.
The Shoulder Shake
Sure, she looks like a bad backup member of a '50s doo-wop and soul trio, but that hasn't stopped Taylor from becoming a star! We hope she treats us to some shoulder-hip action while breaking down a ballad tomorrow night!
The Enthusiastic White-Girl Clap
Clap it like a white girl, bb. That means, make your moves really big and put your head down. Because inside you realize it's impossible to clap without looking like an extra on some Mickey Mouse Club sing-along VHS. Maybe it's the corresponding forward motion of the upper-body that emphasizes the Caucasian nature of it all. But as long as it comes from a genuine place of appreciation, you're all good.
The Number One
Rock 'n' roll has devil horns. The Black Panthers had the solidarity fist. And white girls dancing have the number one. When you really appreciate a musician's talent, you have to let them know that they're the best. Sing along, be excited, put one hand up, and then raise the index finger. Make sure you let Tay-Tay know when she's number one! Maybe she'll even see you and point back!
Just like clapping your every syllable, beating down the beat is a great way to emphasize the absolute sincerity and energy level of your words. Everyone knows you don't really mean something unless you punctuate the statement with exaggerated body movements. Surely, Ms. Swift pulls these moves out when rebuking a lover whose last chances have run out.
The Cover Girl Cluster Fuck
This massive hair flip (plus some sexy shimmies and krumps and shoulder shakes and peek-arounds) were all performed for Tay-Tay's 30-second Cover Girl commercial for next-generation makeup. What exactly is she doing? Who knows, but she's working it. If you can walk, you can dance, and Taylor lives by those words.
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