The world has been obsessed with Kimye for only about six months.
Still, in that short span, this unholy union between two of America's most dangerous attention-seeking missiles, Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, has fueled a million trashy headlines, sparked sordid tabloid stories, and given the paparazzi a reason to live.
But the appeal of Kimye isn't collective wealth or fashionable noteworthiness. We can't get enough of this dream team for one simple reason: They're probably the creepiest celebrity couple ever, and they look so happy creepily creeping.
Need a recap of their scandalous history? We got you, boo.
Back in 2006, pretty much no one outside of Hollywood knew the name Kim Kardashian. All that changed in 2007 when Kim Kardashian: Superstar hit sticky shelves across America. The XXX video featured the pretty rich girl and singer Ray J getting superintimate. Though Kim was pissed, the title foreshadowed massive reality TV fame. And the seed of Kimye's love was planted. Er, spilled.
Knock You Down
Haters beware, this is no Cruel Summer fling. Kanye has had a fire in his heart for those Kimmy cakes for years, long before we even knew she was his "Perfect Bitch." Hindsight being 20/20, we now see it was Kardashian that Yeezy was appealing to with his verse on 2009's "Knock You Down": "You was always the cheerleader of my dreams/To seem to only date the head of the football teams/And I was the class clown that always kept you laughing/We were never meant to be, baby, we just happened." Dreams do come true ... Huh, Kanye?
Wedding Blues, New Beaus
Kim broke hearts the world over when she married NBA star Kris Humphries in August of 2011. And then she freaked the world out by getting divorced 72 days later. Kanye was obviously pretty stoked, though, since he'd been crushing on that Kardashian shit since forever. The couple started dating soon after the split. And in March, they became fodder for tabloids when Ms. K was caught leaving Mr. West's house sans makeup, wearing the same clothes she'd worn the previous night. Walk. Of. Shame.
You Probably Think This Song Is About You
Ever since the couple came out, Kanye hasn't been able to stop bragging. First, he bitched out Kim's ex-husband in "Theraflu," saying the buster was lucky Ye didn't have him fired. Then, he dedicated all of "Perfect Bitch" to his lovely lady. Now, he's talking about how hot his girl is on camera with Ray J in his latest single "Clique." Oh, and Kim's appearing in his videos as the world waits with bated breath for the inevitable moment when the couple does their first duet.
All in This Together
Of course, when you're happy, someone else is going to come along and shit all over your birthday cake. So recently, gossip rags tried to break up the happy home by publishing a story about Kim's swinger sexcapades of yore. Back in 2001, Kim and her then-hubby Damon Thomas allegedly went out and got banged by a couple of porn stars. But that was then, this is now. Plus, Kanye likes to watch.
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SHOW ME HOW
Is That Cute?
No, seriously. We're now finding out that Kanye has been banging bitches out while watching Kim get creamed by Ray J for years. That ass has been his aphrodisiac. So you can imagine the hurting he's putting on it now that it's his, all his. Unless they go to a swingers party. Lyrically, we're pretty sure Kanye is open to that kinda thang.