There are only 74 days left until Super Bowl LIV comes to town and a slew of corporate entities duke it out for the attention of football fans in Miami and across the nation. If it's anything like Art Basel Miami Beach or Miami Music Week, brands galore will drop criminal amounts of money during the first weekend of February to ensure they have consumers' complete attention.
In one of the first major event announcements for Super Bowl weekend, everyone's favorite meathead, Rob "Gronk" Gronkowski, has announced he'll host the aptly named party Gronk Beach at the North Beach Bandshell. Naturally, the gathering will be presented by none other than esteemed energy drink company Monster Energy.
If you're unfamiliar with Gronk, he's a former NFL All-Pro tight end and three-time Super Bowl champ who played nine seasons with the New England Patriots. However, for all of his achievements on the field, Gronk is perhaps best known for his frat-bro personality, which a certain demographic of sports fans considers as nonthreatening as Colin Kaepernick is (purportedly) menacing. GQ perfectly described Gronk as "what would happen if a red Solo cup were the star of a Toy Story-esque movie franchise."
Sales pitches don't come stronger than that one, and that's exactly what Gronk Beach is banking on: attracting Miamians to the Gronkiest Gronk bash possible during Super Bowl weekend. The party, organized by the production team behind the event series Shaq's Fun House, has amassed an EDM and hip-hop lineup that includes Diplo, Rick Ross, Kaskade, Flo Rida, 3Lau, and Carnage. Though the roster is nothing to write home about — you could probably go to E11even on a given weekend and see any one of those acts perform — Gronk Beach's biggest selling point is its promise of unlimited drinks and bites.
So far, the only food purveyors mentioned are STK and the Salty Donut, but partygoers can expect a six-hour open bar — yes, even for general-admission ticketholders. However, like any good Miami event, there will be a VIP option so that self-important types can appear to have more money than a small island nation. Las Vegas' Wynn Nightlife will operate the VIP experience, because apparently Miami must import effective VIP service providers these days.
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The caveat? Despite the fact that Gronk Beach is only a six-hour event, tickets aren't cheap. However, the event will offer a concert and a food festival in one bundle, so Miami has seen worse. General admission starts at a relative bargain — $149.99 — but if you wait too long, the price will climb to $499.99. If you want the VIP treatment, tickets start at $499.99 and cap out at a whopping $899.99.
But wait — there's more! Packages start at $1,500 for a shared table and unlimited bottle service. Other party packages boast names such as "Tiki Touchdown," "Shake Your Tight End," "Wine, Dine, Sixty," "Gronk Spike," "The Ship," and, New Times' favorite, "Party Like a Gronk Star." The most expensive package, "The Ship," tops out at $100,000.
A limited number of presale tickets will be available beginning Thursday, November 21, at 11 a.m. To take advantage of the presale pricing, Gronk fans must register at gronkbeach.com to snag a promo code. Between the food, free-flowing drinks, and prestigious musical entertainment, don't be surprised if Gronk Beach proves popular enough to remake Miami's Super Bowl weekend in its namesake's image. Let's get Gronked!