Best Miami Hurricanes Player 2016 | Joe Yearby | Best Restaurants, Bars, Clubs, Music and Stores in Miami | Miami New Times

Cheetah: You're listening to Cheetah and the Chimp on WBOM, Miami's best fictional sports radio channel. I'm your host, Jose "Cheetah" Chavez, with my sidekick, the Chimp.

The Chimp: This Chimp is bananas today!

Cheetah: Can't believe they let you out of the cage today, Chimp. You're wild! But now it's time to let our listeners' opinions out of the cage. We've got Ken on the phone from Doral. Ken, hit us with it.

Ken: Hey, guys! Longtime listener, first-time caller. I just wanted to say, why aren't we talking more about Joe Yearby? The guy became the ninth running back in Hurricanes history to rack up more than 1,000 yards in a single season. He led the team in all-purpose yards. The guy had eight touchdowns. I mean, I'd say he's the running back of the future for the team, but already, as a sophomore, he has established himself as one of the team's major keys.

Cheetah: You know I've seen a lot of running backs in my day, and it's true — this guy gets the ball, and he tends to run pretty far with it.

The Chimp: That's why you're the expert, Cheetah!

Readers' choice: Brad Kaaya

One shouldn't open up a piece praising the best player on the 2016 men's Hurricanes basketball team by claiming that his transfer to the team in 2013 from Kansas State was something like an angel descending from above. That would be ridiculous. Angel Rodriguez only helped lead the team to the Sweet 16, one of the Canes' best NCAA tournament showings in history. It would be just stupid to claim he moved around the court as if he had wings. The senior point guard as a teenager only left his family behind in Puerto Rico to move to Miami to pursue his dream of playing basketball. And quoting lyrics from angel-related pop songs by the likes of Sarah McLachlan or Shaggy to describe him? Forget about it. Rodriguez only averaged 12.6 points per game this past season and led his team in assists, steals, and turnovers. His talents deserve serious written admiration that doesn't devolve into lazy wordplay around the fact that his parents happened to name him Angel, and we will do that just as soon as we figure out how.

What makes Mike Inglis special is that he somehow mixes being a complete Miami Heat homer with telling it like it is, even when it is not good for the local boys. He has a way with words, good and bad, that makes him Miami's favorite sportscaster. When things are going well, nobody is better. His iconic and legendary lines after championship-sealing victories will forever be embedded in Miami Heat fans' minds. If you're missing the game, nobody is better at painting a picture of what's happening than Inglis. Even if you aren't at the game, he's somehow able to put your emotions in courtside seats. Nobody in Miami calls a game like Mike Inglis, and no Heat game would be the same without him.

Readers' choice: Will Manso

You're lying on South Beach, soaking up that vitamin D and grooving to the waves, when suddenly it all goes wrong: First comes the pushy club promoter thrusting free drink coupons into your hands. Then come the frat dudes who thoughtfully brought along their iPod speakers so everyone within a five-block radius can hear their brostep blasting. Let's be honest: You came to the beach to chill, right? So hop into your car and head a couple of miles north, to a stretch of sand that feels a few zip codes away from the busy, see-and-be-seen SoBe vibe and the concrete skyline of Mid-Beach. North Beach is clean, quiet, and perfect for precisely what the beach is best for: relaxing. And with more and cheaper parking options than elsewhere on the beach, including a giant city-run lot on 73rd Street, your suntan won't cost you $20 in meter fees.

Readers' choice: South Beach

Photo by Bill Lea / USDA Forest Service

There's something supremely gratifying about driving straight toward Disney World and then promptly passing right by the House of Mouse in lieu of the great outdoors. That feeling is especially true when your final destination is Ocala National Forest and its more than 600 lakes, rivers, and springs. Established by President Theodore Roosevelt in 1908, it's the oldest national forest east of the Mississippi and the southernmost in the nation. Located just four and a half hours from Miami, Ocala National Forest will make you want to swap Fantasyland for a subtropical fantasy: swimming or snorkeling in the chilly, clear waters of springs that bubble out of crevices in the earth. There are also plenty of paddling and hiking options. At the most frequented destinations, including the Juniper, Alexander, and Salt springs, camping costs about $21 per night. Though you won't meet Mickey and Minnie, you may see bears, alligators, boars, coyote, and bobcats. The forest is a land of adventure and discovery too.

If you're a 65-year-old with a homemade costume of a Schlitz beer can in the back of your closet, you've probably heard of Stan's Idle Hour. If you're not that person, well, consider this your introduction. Two hours from Miami, straight west on U.S. 41, this colorful dive bar defines Sunday Funday. In the small town of Goodland — which bills itself as a drinking village with a fishing problem — the live music at Stan's kicks off around 11 a.m. with an elaborate recording of the National Anthem, including several verses you didn't know existed. Lunch is simple and usually fried: shrimp, scallops, oysters, soft-shell crab. Though this place isn't technically a biker bar, you'll see your fair share here. But you'll also find Marco Island condo dwellers, vacationing Midwesterners, Florida crackers, and, if you're lucky, former Speaker of the House John Boehner, a friend of the late owner, Stan Gober, who raised his family in Miami before moving to Goodland in 1969. Don't leave until the band plays "The Buzzard Lope," a sort of bastardized version of the chicken dance penned by Gober before his death in 2012 ("Looks like they're on dope/They are doing the Buzzard Lope"). If the song alone doesn't have you flapping your arms like an idiot, the signature Buzzard Punch rum drink sure will.

Like to climb walls? Enjoy testing yourself and your body? How do you feel about trampolines and the NBC series American Ninja Warrior? If those questions tripped your need for adventure, there's a place for you. Opened in 2015, North Miami's Ninja Lounge includes 40,000 square feet of space — a full quarter of that covered by trampolines. About 20,000 people use it each month — and 5,000 to 8,000 on "a slow weekend," says marketing manager Jessica Albert. There are three basketball hoops, two dodgeball courts, and an elevated ropes course. The main attraction is the ninja warrior obstacle course, a replica of the consistent features of the course used in the Ninja series. (It is also the only gym in South Florida certified by the show.) The place costs from $10 to $54.50 per hour, and monthly memberships start at $49 per month. There are also creative fitness classes, including ninja warrior boot camp, ballroom dancing, and hip-hop. "We get a lot of people training for the show," says Albert, who lists athletes such as former Yankees catcher Jorge Posada and NBA star Dennis Rodman among clients. "There's even a diner where you can eat after you work out," she says.

Best Reason to Stay in Miami for the Summer

Venetian Pool

Photo courtesy of the GMCVB

When summer temps threaten to hit triple digits, there's one place in Miami that stays a consistent 76 to 78 degrees: the historic Venetian Pool in Coral Gables. Fed by a natural spring and drained nightly, the 820,000-gallon pool built in 1923 is ideal for a midday soak if your backyard is waterless or you find yourself terrorized by obnoxious drunks when you venture downstairs to your apartment's pool. This isn't just any neighborhood pool, either — with waterfalls, rock features, and faux Mediterranean ambiance, it's the only swimming hole in America on the National Register of Historic Places. For $13 for adults and $8 for kids (with extra discounts for Coral Gables residents), you'll get the most bang for your buck if you get there early and make a day of it. Bring your own snacks to avoid the lines at the concession stand, and put the money toward a chair rental so you'll have a place to sprawl out and stash your sunscreen. Take one last dip before the pool closes (around 4:30 to 6:30, depending upon the day and time of year) and ride home with the windows down so you can feel the hot wind against your wet hair. And if even that fails to shake your stubborn summertime blues, you have full permission to pull into the nearest parking lot and rock back and forth in the air conditioning.

Photo by Matthew Dillon/Flickr

Sure, you can take your non-Miami friends club-hopping in South Beach or exploring the artsy streets of Wynwood, but let's face it — that's so cliché. Though the 305 takes pride in its hard-core party rep and burgeoning arts scene, to really give out-of-towners a taste of the area, you have to show them the weird side. And Coral Castle Museum is the epitome of all things strange in these parts. Constructed by Edward Leedskalnin — a five-foot-tall, 100-pound Latvian man with a fourth-grade education — using nothing but his bare hands and simple tools, the coral-rock fortress is rumored to have been built as a tribute to Leedskalnin's love, Agnes Scuffs, whom he referred to as his "Sweet Sixteen" because she was 16 years old, a full decade younger than he was. Leedskalnin and Scuffs had planned to get married, but she called it off the eve of their wedding. With a broken heart and crushed spirit, Leedskalnin left Latvia. He lived in Canada, California, and Texas for some time but, after developing tuberculosis, ended up in Florida in 1918. He had begun construction of the castle in Florida City in 1923, a few miles south of its current location. But after hearing of a ten-acre site for sale, he moved to Homestead in 1936 and took the colossal stone pieces with him. It is said to have taken Leedskalnin three years to move the rocks. Construction at the current site began in 1936 and was completed in 1951, the year Leedskalnin died. However, no one really knows how he erected the castle. Some people say aliens helped, while others contend the whole backstory is a sham. He swore he "knew the laws of weight and leverage well," which is how he precariously balanced multi-ton rocks atop one another. Regardless of how Coral Castle was built, your out-of-town buddies will definitely have one hell of a story to tell back home.

Readers' choice:

There's a better way to see Miami than from a traffic jam on I-95 in your Ford Focus. A sunset helicopter tour will set you back about 200 bones per head, but it's the fastest and prettiest way to see Miami Beach and the surrounding area.'s choppers can fit up to six guests, but you need at least two to book a flight, so bring a favorite long-distance friend in town or that impossible-to-please love interest you have yet to wow. If you call ahead and time it right, you can catch the last bit of sunset and then transition into a nighttime tour of the city's lights as you head back on the half-hour excursion (which is also by far the dopest way to check out Christmas lights if you book around the holidays). If you're celebrating, and why wouldn't you be, it's A-OK to bring a bottle of champagne or your beverage of choice. But keep it classy — you're on a helicopter, not a frat party bus.

Best Of Miami®

Best Of Miami®