Sports & Recreation

Joan, an instructor at Corpo Yoga Studio, is a goddess. Her hair color seems to change every week. Most recently, it was cotton-candy pink, an ode to her heart chakra, no doubt. During class, she listens to everyone’s bodies, adjusting each sequence to whatever she feels is necessary in the room. None of those bodies should be too stressed by the price of her class — a drop-in costs just $20 at Corpo, and a 20-class package is available for just under $300. Sometimes Joan leads impromptu headstand sessions, where students partner up and take turns trying to achieve the illustrious pose. While some yogis might be severe in their asceticism, Joan encourages laughter. Falling and disruption are just as essential as meditative silence, she insists. Acceptance is key. As everyone lies in shavasana, Joan circulates like a peaceful fairy, dabbing temples and foreheads with light lavender oil, awakening third eyes and emanating clarity.

Readers’ choice: Hot Yoga House Miami

It’s fair to enter most public restrooms, like all Keanu Reeves movies, with very low expectations. The vast majority are barely a notch above popping a squat on the roadside as honking motorists speed past and laugh. But if most public restrooms are the 47 Ronin-era Keanu bombs, the toilets at Village Green Park are Point Break. Perched in the emerald heart of the tony Village of Key Biscayne, this pit stop feels like an oasis you should pay for the privilege of visiting. Inside, the air conditioning cools, while soft lighting, floor to ceiling stall doors, and a fully stocked supply of toilet paper all whisper, “Serenity now.” Walk in to this public restroom and you’ll imagine Keanu himself saying it Matrix-style: “Whoa.”

Readers’ choice:

The Underline is an ambitious plan to convert the path beneath the Metrorail into a ten-mile linear urban trail, designed by top architects and urban landscapers to be Miami’s answer to New York’s now-iconic High Line. But anyone who has run on the curvy trail today knows it’s already great. The Metrorail’s tall infrastructure casts a cooling shadow on the trail, and whizzing trains send a steady breeze down while your feet hit the pavement. Sea grape leaves and rock doves line the path beside you. And for now — before the starchitects and the glowing national media move in — it’s a relatively seldom-used trail, making it perfect for a late-afternoon jog. Traffic rests at a stand-still along South Dixie Highway, but you’re flying by. From Coconut Grove Station on SW 27th Avenue north to Brickell Station, it’s a three-mile jog. And on your way back, you can treat yourself to a cafecito or craft beer from El Carajo — or simply take Metrorail back if it’s that kind of day.

Legend has it that a pot of gold sits at the end of a rainbow, and fact has it that at the south end of the winding 25-mile Metrorail system, a commercial wonderland awaits. Riding Metrorail isn’t something most Miamians do for fun, but that public transit commute can be a joyride if you stop at the Dadeland North station and run into the open arms of that colorful Britto character. The train deposits you at Dadeland Mall, home to 185 shops and restaurants, including the state’s largest Macy’s. The shopping is awesome, but driving to the mall is a headache, and trying to find parking (or your car afterward) is the reason Amazon is doing so well. Forgo everything that is crappy about the experience; let Metrorail do all the hard work, sit back, and take in the beautiful sights of suburban Miami along the way.

(Cue Weird Science theme. A stern-looking old man in a white lab coat enters the room and turns on a projector.) “Zee science eez clear — crystal clear! Traffic, eet eez very, very bad for your health. Just 30 minutes of breathing highway fumes triggers eentense stress, vee have found. Scientists in Boston say older people suffer memory loss and other problems when regularly soooobjected to car congestion. So yez, my friends, the traffic, eet eez killing you. And nowhere in Miami eez killing you faster than the Palmetto Expressway between NW 41st Street and the Dolphin Expressway. How do I know? Science, dummies! Zee researchers at American Highways Users Alliance croonched zee numbers and found zat zees eez zee worst, most bottlenecked roadway in Miami. Drivers lost 1.4 million hours and suffered $30 million in wasted time on zat road just last year. As a scientist, I can confirm: Zose are big numbers! So stay off zee Palmetto. Do eet for your health.”

They came by the dozens March 1. They rode $5,000 titanium road bikes and rusted beach cruisers, über-hip monochrome fixies and rented Citi Bikes. And huge grins crept across their faces as they pedaled past the bayfront and — at last — back onto the gently arcing bridge that marks the eastern boundary of the famed Venetian Causeway. For nearly a year, the historic link between South Beach and downtown Miami had been closed while crews worked to repair a decaying bridge, leaving cyclists with a Sophie’s choice of dodging high-speed traffic along the MacArthur and Julia Tuttle causeways if they wanted to make the journey. But now the Venetian is back, and so is the crown jewel of Miami bike routes. A fully marked, separated bike lane takes cyclists through the mansion-studded Venetian Isles, past turquoise waters and gleaming yachts. Whatever kind of bike you’re rocking, it’s worth hopping onto and cruising across the Venetian. And enjoy it while you can — it will close this fall for several more weeks of repairs. And enjoy it while you can — it will close this fall for several more weeks of repairs.

Changes in Miami’s landscape are often dramatic. Lincoln Road was once a slum. Wynwood was neglected and crime-infested. And Northeast 79th Street at the northern edge of the MiMo District was a derelict stretch of blighted buildings. Lincoln Road is well on its path toward becoming the next Bal Harbour, and Wynwood is a global hipster enclave, but 79th Street’s rejuvenation has been quieter and more remarkable. Beginning at the former immigration building on Biscayne Boulevard at NE 79th Street, where a 324-unit development including a hotel is underway, and continuing to the glorious JFK Causeway, which spans the bay, a line of restaurants and bars has recently sprung up like sprouts in spring. The old dependable is Boteco, a delightful Brazilian joint where you can get some feijoada and dance the samba. The old dependables are Boteco, a delightful Brazilian joint where you can get some feijoada and dance the samba, and Mina’s Mediterraneo, a classic Middle Eastern place that has a great brunch and live music too. Then there’s Tap 79, where the beer is fresh and exotic. A new bar, the Anderson — run by the mad geniuses behind the Broken Shaker — slings first-class cocktails. Then there’s Marky’s Gourmet/The Russian Store, where you can get everything from chocolate to fine caviar, and Schnitzel Haus, the kitschiest spot in town for a legit German meal and a towering glass of Hefeweizen. After eating, head across the bridge to Pelican Harbor, where you can boat or just live the nautical life.

Unless you’re willing to fork over heaps of cash to a valet attendant, parking in Mid-Beach is a Category 5 headache. Thanks to the combination of hot spots like the Fontainebleau, Soho Beach House, and the Confidante, a rush of cars always seems to be hunting for an elusive street parking space. Snagging one in the dead-end roads east of Collins Avenue feels like winning the parking Powerball. When you tire of driving in circles, make the wise choice and take a left to Charles Garage at 43rd Street and Collins Avenue. It’s definitely not the cheapest parking — the first hour costs six bucks — but it almost always has spots because everyone tearing along the curve to Indian Creek Drive tends to forget it’s there. Except for busy weeks like Art Basel or New Year’s Eve — which are times when you should avoid driving on the Beach anyway — you can always save yourself some driving pain by pulling inside. And just in case you’re thirsty on your way out, the parking attendant sells refreshments in addition to collecting your parking fee.

Just south of the trendy Upper Eastside, where Russian billionaires are plotting the next wave of luxury condo towers, an older Miami holds out. Banyans line the streets of the historic Morningside neighborhood, where snow-white ibises roam freely, heading east toward the spot where Miami’s best-rounded park hides nestled along the bayfront. This is not a cleverly designed concert venue or a hole-in-the-wall pop-up park. Morningside is a space conscious of its natural surroundings. On weekends, families barbecue near loved ones renting kayaks and paddleboards. Basketball courts and soccer fields brim with bustling, sweating players. But for those slow Thursday mornings, there’s also a quiet bench and a sunrise waiting over Biscayne Bay.

Readers’ choice:

Sorry to break it to you, fanboy, but it’s highly unlikely you’ll ever shoot on the same basket Dwyane Wade has dunked on or throw a football on the same field where Tom Brady once scored a touchdown. But in Miami, you can actually practice your backhand on the very same courts where Serena Williams and Novak Djokovic have played. For two star-studded weeks every year, the best tennis players on Earth descend upon Crandon Tennis Center on Key Biscayne for the Miami Open. But for the other 50 weeks, the same courts where pros vie for million-dollar prizes are open to any hacker with a racquet and the $7-to-$13-per-hour the courts cost to rent. There are 26 hard courts, including eight with lights. There are also six clay courts, two of which are red European clay, as well as two grass courts if you want to pretend you’re at Wimbledon. Though you’re more likely to see an egret or heron flying overhead in this scenic locale across the bay from Brickell, you might also stumble across Grand Slam champions Andy Murray or Juan Martin del Potro, who often use the site for training.

Some people seek spiritual renewal in a soaring, stained-glass cathedral, others at a stark Baptist altar. For another class of Miamians, they don their knockoff Barca kits, strap on their $45 Adidas cleats, and head to church every week on the soccer pitch. Just like any houses of organized religion, those pitches vary from the ostentatious — full fields of natural emerald grass — to the humble scraps of bumpy turf in a badly maintained park. Miami Soccer Station falls somewhere in between. In a small lot off NW 79th Street, affable Colombian owner Rafael Garzon — who owns multiple fields in Bogota — built two five-a-side pitches that are perfect for an after-work kick-around or a weekly competition among neighborhood friends. The fields cost just $100 to $120 per hour (which translates to a reasonable $10 to $12 per player if you don’t have subs), and there’s an air-conditioned break room with Gatorade for sale when the Florida heat gets you down. Garzon even built a foot-volley court in front where players can keep their skills sharp between games. For all local Messi worshippers, it’s a welcome spiritual way station.

Readers’ choice:

For years, the Nautilus Hotel has hidden in plain sight. That’s no fault of the hotel, a Morris Lapidus-designed gem in the heart of South Beach. It’s just hard for any place to stand out when it’s within two blocks of international celebrity hot spots such as the Delano and the Raleigh. But it’s finally time for the Nautilus’ own moment in the SoBe sun, thanks to a recent revamp under the Sixty Hotels group. And among the Nautilus’ most striking deco details is its enviable pool deck. Architecturally simple, it’s elevated by lush greenery that only augments its unembellished beauty. In the center is a 1,890-square-foot heated saltwater pool, perfect for doing a few laps or simply relaxing along the edge. An underwater sound system provides tunes for those who need a little encouragement while pulling out breaststrokes. Lounge chairs and cabanas along the gorgeous teak deck are available to rent, but the best spot is at the pool bar toward the back, where great tropical cocktails are on order. And the beach is only a few yards away in case you need to take the edge off the tropical heat. Daytime visitors can take a dip in the pool by renting a daybed ($150 weekdays and $250 weekends) or a cabana ($250 weekdays and $350 weekends).

The Feana Hotel Miami Beach officially opened its doors during Art Basel Miami Beach 2015. And even amid a global art festival built to make headlines with audacious shows and eye-catching works, Faena somehow stood out. The 24-karat-gold woolly mammoth skeleton by artist Damien Hirst in a glass case in the backyard didn’t hurt. But the Faena’s attraction goes well beyond its considerable art collection. The hotel drips with fascinating details, from the deco-inspired Saxony Bar to the funky indoor-outdoor feel of Argentine restaurant Los Fuegos to the first “South American-inspired spa” in town, Tierra Santa. Faena has immediately brought something resoundingly different to Miami’s glut of always-revamping hotels. And there’s more to come at this sprawling property. By the time Alan Faena and business partner Len Blavatnik have finished building their beachside utopia, it will include Faena House, Faena Forum, Faena Versailles, Faena Bazaar, and the Casa Claridge’s guest houses. Miamians will be able to plan a staycation at the hotel, live in a condo at the House or the Versailles, see performances in its theaters, and even have office space in the Bazaar.

In a city where history is constantly torn down and replaced by luxury condos, the Curtiss Mansion & Gardens is an enduring success story. Located in Miami Springs, the estate was home to Glenn Curtiss, the aviation pioneer and codeveloper of Miami Springs, Hialeah, and Opa-locka, from 1925 until the time of his death in 1930. Designed by Martin Luther Hampton, the same architectural mastermind behind Miami Beach City Hall and the Congress Building downtown, the mansion, like Miami Springs, was constructed in Pueblo Revival style. Though Curtiss lived in his two-story Miami Springs residence for only five years, 500 Deer Run continued to pave its way through history long after his death. His wife, who eventually remarried, lived in the mansion until the late ’40s with her second husband, who was mayor of Miami Springs from 1942 to 1944. Through the years, the property would bear the name “Miami Springs Villas.” It would later serve as a training base for the crew of Eastern Airlines and Pan American World Airways. The mansion was sold again in the late ’70s. Even though it was designated a local historic site under the City of Miami Springs’ History Preservation Ordinance in 1987, the building was abandoned for years, falling victim to vandalism and arson. At one point, the structure was held up by only pillars. But the property was donated to the City of Miami Springs in 1998, and the nonprofit Curtiss Mansion Inc. was established, symbolizing the beginning of a long restoration. In 2012, the Curtiss Mansion, carefully rebuilt to resemble its original 1925 condition, reopened its doors, proving that in spite of all the bulldozers, Miami still cares about preserving its history.

Readers’ choice: Vizcaya Museum & Gardens

Sure, almost every born-and-bred 305er grew up going to the beach at el farito (AKA Bill Baggs Cape Florida State Park), but you’d be surprisingly hard-pressed to find a Miamian who has toured the Cape Florida Lighthouse. And as one of the oldest lighthouses in South Florida, Cape Florida has a fascinating history — not to mention one of the best views of Key Biscayne, Stiltsville, and beyond. Built in 1825 as a 65-foot structure, the lighthouse has survived everything from hurricanes to attacks, including one by the Seminoles during the Second Seminole War in 1836, which resulted in a fire that nearly led to the lighthouse’s demise. Later, Confederate sympathizers destroyed its lamp and lens during the Civil War in 1861. While Cape Florida was abandoned and decommissioned several times over the years before being rebuilt, relit, and eventually raised to 95 feet, it has served several functions throughout the decades. Among them, it was used as U.S. Signal Station Number Four during the Spanish-American War and, most notably, was part of the National Underground Railroad Network to Freedom, where hundreds of black Seminoles escaped from Florida to the Bahamas. Sure, Cape Florida’s history is interesting itself, but nothing beats the spiraling 109 steps to drink in the views of the Magic City from the top. And luckily, you can experience it free Thursday through Monday from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m.

You won’t find lasers or neon lights at this rager. But if you’re lucky enough, you just might get to party with some of the hottest stars in the galaxy. We’re talkin’ Polaris, Perseus, and the Pleiades. Having trouble recognizing these names? Then the Southern Cross Astronomical Society’s Weekly Star Party is definitely one you want to crash. The stellar bash goes down every Saturday at 8 p.m. at Bill Sadowski Park in Palmetto Bay, where you’ll get to hang out with local astronomers, learn about the solar system, and check out constellations, stars, the moon, and maybe even a planet or two. Though SCAS has been offering free viewings and lectures to the public since 1922, only a select few have heard of the organization. But don’t worry — you don’t have to be on the VIP list to join this fete. SCAS’ Star Party is open to everyone of all ages. And the best part: There’s no cover or BYOT (bring your own telescope) policy — all you have to do is show up. Special events are held periodically, so be sure to check out their website before you head out.

We’ve all done questionable things as kids — raided the kitchen cabinet and mixed up all the ingredients just because we had nothing better to do, taped the bathroom door shut while our older sister showered, attempted to fish with paper clips and marshmallows. But every now and then, we surprised our parents by joining in normal childhood activities such as laser tag. And no other place in the 305 lets you unleash your inner 12-year-old like 3,000 square feet of nonstop laser tag action — fog, black lights, and multilevel forts included — at Laserland & Adventure. Unlike offering a typical game of laser tag where you simply point and shoot, Laserland provides an alternative to the norm: namely, special missions. During this variation of the game, you receive special laser powerups and abilities to help you score the most points and complete your laser tag mission. You have only 20 minutes, so if you want to be crowned laser tag royalty, strategy is key. But don’t worry — even if you come in last, you can still get your competitive fix with plenty of air hockey and videogames in the arcade lobby. Here’s to being 12 again.

There’s something supremely gratifying about driving straight toward Disney World and then promptly passing right by the House of Mouse in lieu of the great outdoors. That feeling is especially true when your final destination is Ocala National Forest and its more than 600 lakes, rivers, and springs. Established by President Theodore Roosevelt in 1908, it’s the oldest national forest east of the Mississippi and the southernmost in the nation. Located just four and a half hours from Miami, Ocala National Forest will make you want to swap Fantasyland for a subtropical fantasy: swimming or snorkeling in the chilly, clear waters of springs that bubble out of crevices in the earth. There are also plenty of paddling and hiking options. At the most frequented destinations, including the Juniper, Alexander, and Salt springs, camping costs about $21 per night. Though you won’t meet Mickey and Minnie, you may see bears, alligators, boars, coyote, and bobcats. The forest is a land of adventure and discovery too.

So here we are in 2016, again writing about how Dwyane Wade is the best Miami Heat player — what a time to be alive! In 2006, Wade was leading the Heat to the franchise’s first championship. Now, ten years later, he somehow continues to lead the team. The man has cemented himself as the greatest athlete in South Florida sports history. Yes, even better than a football player (c’mon, you know who) whose jersey hangs in the American Airlines Arena rafters. Wade is the reason Miami is considered a basketball town. Outside of ex-owners who brought teams to Miami, Wade is the most important man in South Florida sports history. He has brought class, stability, excellence, loyalty, and so much else to a franchise that before him was just trying to take the next step. Wade has not only helped the team take that next step, but he’s also built the team an elevator that consistently makes trips to the NBA penthouse. Dwyane Wade is what the Miami Heat is all about.

Readers’ choice: Dwyane Wade

Saying a 44-year-old man is the Florida Panthers’ best player sounds crazy, but Jaromir Jagr is no normal middle-aged man. Sure, he’s old enough to be a father to some of his teammates, yet his dedication to his craft has him in a position to lead. Jagr was a mainstay on the Panthers’ front line in 2016, leading them to the greatest regular season in franchise history and a playoff birth. Though the team didn’t advance past the first round in the postseason, Jagr’s leadership has the franchise going in a new direction. He’s committed to continuing to play for the Panthers for as long as his body holds up, and the team seems more than happy to have him. The man isn’t just a coach on the ice; he’s still producing, which makes him the most valuable Florida Panther to ever tie on skates in Sunrise.

Even Jarvis Landry would have had a hard time predicting this when he was drafted in the second round by the Miami Dolphins in 2014: 194 catches, nearly 2,000 yards, and nine touchdowns in two years. It’s been quite the start to what might be a long career for Landry. He has not only surpassed fans’ expectations but also blown them away. Landry comes up big when it matters most and is by all measures one of the tops in the league at his position. When the team needs a big third-down catch, Landry is quarterback Ryan Tannehill’s guy. When the team needs an energetic-tackle-breaking red-zone reception, Landry is the one diving at the pylon. It’s been a trend for two years, and it’s what makes Landry the odds-on favorite to be the face of the franchise. Most teams would say their quarterback would hold that honor, but most teams don’t have Jarvis Landry.

Readers’ choice: Jarvis Landry

Let’s be honest — there are only a few true candidates for this honor. Luckily, Erik Spoelstra would be a worthy candidate in any city or sport. He dealt with quite a bit this past season: blending rookies playing major minutes with aging veterans, adapting on the fly to a roster that continually changed all season, and, for the second straight year, picking up the pieces after losing Chris Bosh. Unlike last year, the Miami Heat this season made those mix-and-match post-Big Three-era pieces fit. The team not only made the playoffs but also did so as a top seed. Heat fans have been spoiled by LeBron championships, so Spoelstra is set to a higher standard than many other coaches. Everything the Heat achieved in 2016 comes back to Spoelstra, and for that, he must be recognized as the cream of the coach crop in South Florida.

Readers’ choice: Erik Spoelstra

Cheetah: You’re listening to Cheetah and the Chimp on WBOM, Miami’s best fictional sports radio channel. I’m your host, Jose “Cheetah” Chavez, with my sidekick, the Chimp.

The Chimp: This Chimp is bananas today!

Cheetah: Can’t believe they let you out of the cage today, Chimp. You’re wild! But now it’s time to let our listeners’ opinions out of the cage. We’ve got Ken on the phone from Doral. Ken, hit us with it.

Ken: Hey, guys! Longtime listener, first-time caller. I just wanted to say, why aren’t we talking more about Joe Yearby? The guy became the ninth running back in Hurricanes history to rack up more than 1,000 yards in a single season. He led the team in all-purpose yards. The guy had eight touchdowns. I mean, I’d say he’s the running back of the future for the team, but already, as a sophomore, he has established himself as one of the team’s major keys.

Cheetah: You know I’ve seen a lot of running backs in my day, and it’s true — this guy gets the ball, and he tends to run pretty far with it.

The Chimp: That’s why you’re the expert, Cheetah!

Readers’ choice: Brad Kaaya

One shouldn’t open up a piece praising the best player on the 2016 men’s Hurricanes basketball team by claiming that his transfer to the team in 2013 from Kansas State was something like an angel descending from above. That would be ridiculous. Angel Rodriguez only helped lead the team to the Sweet 16, one of the Canes’ best NCAA tournament showings in history. It would be just stupid to claim he moved around the court as if he had wings. The senior point guard as a teenager only left his family behind in Puerto Rico to move to Miami to pursue his dream of playing basketball. And quoting lyrics from angel-related pop songs by the likes of Sarah McLachlan or Shaggy to describe him? Forget about it. Rodriguez only averaged 12.6 points per game this past season and led his team in assists, steals, and turnovers. His talents deserve serious written admiration that doesn’t devolve into lazy wordplay around the fact that his parents happened to name him Angel, and we will do that just as soon as we figure out how.

What makes Mike Inglis special is that he somehow mixes being a complete Miami Heat homer with telling it like it is, even when it is not good for the local boys. He has a way with words, good and bad, that makes him Miami’s favorite sportscaster. When things are going well, nobody is better. His iconic and legendary lines after championship-sealing victories will forever be embedded in Miami Heat fans’ minds. If you’re missing the game, nobody is better at painting a picture of what’s happening than Inglis. Even if you aren’t at the game, he’s somehow able to put your emotions in courtside seats. Nobody in Miami calls a game like Mike Inglis, and no Heat game would be the same without him.

Readers’ choice: Will Manso

You’re lying on South Beach, soaking up that vitamin D and grooving to the waves, when suddenly it all goes wrong: First comes the pushy club promoter thrusting free drink coupons into your hands. Then come the frat dudes who thoughtfully brought along their iPod speakers so everyone within a five-block radius can hear their brostep blasting. Let’s be honest: You came to the beach to chill, right? So hop into your car and head a couple of miles north, to a stretch of sand that feels a few zip codes away from the busy, see-and-be-seen SoBe vibe and the concrete skyline of Mid-Beach. North Beach is clean, quiet, and perfect for precisely what the beach is best for: relaxing. And with more and cheaper parking options than elsewhere on the beach, including a giant city-run lot on 73rd Street, your suntan won’t cost you $20 in meter fees.

Readers’ choice: South Beach

Dog parks can be stressful for humans. You want to let your dog explore freely, meet new friends, and romp around. But how do you know if the other dogs there have been trained properly? What if they have fleas or aggression issues? These are the neuroses of a dog owner with severe attachment anxiety. But there’s a place in Miami that can help — for a lot less money than the therapist’s couch you probably need. Just over the Rickenbacker Causeway, next to the graffiti-covered Miami Marine Stadium, sits Hobie Island Beach. Cubans call it “Los Espinitos” because the beach is filled with mangroves popping up along the sand. It’s not an ideal beach for people, but for dogs, it’s a natural playground of adventure. Some dogs are afraid of water, flailing their paws as they try to walk across the swampy expanse. Others are natural-born swimmers. With the wind in their fur, dogs paddle across the shallow shoreline, discovering a new world — much to their relaxed owners’ delight.

If you’re a 65-year-old with a homemade costume of a Schlitz beer can in the back of your closet, you’ve probably heard of Stan’s Idle Hour. If you’re not that person, well, consider this your introduction. Two hours from Miami, straight west on U.S. 41, this colorful dive bar defines Sunday Funday. In the small town of Goodland — which bills itself as a drinking village with a fishing problem — the live music at Stan’s kicks off around 11 a.m. with an elaborate recording of the National Anthem, including several verses you didn’t know existed. Lunch is simple and usually fried: shrimp, scallops, oysters, soft-shell crab. Though this place isn’t technically a biker bar, you’ll see your fair share here. But you’ll also find Marco Island condo dwellers, vacationing Midwesterners, Florida crackers, and, if you’re lucky, former Speaker of the House John Boehner, a friend of the late owner, Stan Gober, who raised his family in Miami before moving to Goodland in 1969. Don’t leave until the band plays “The Buzzard Lope,” a sort of bastardized version of the chicken dance penned by Gober before his death in 2012 (“Looks like they’re on dope/They are doing the Buzzard Lope“). If the song alone doesn’t have you flapping your arms like an idiot, the signature Buzzard Punch rum drink sure will.

Like to climb walls? Enjoy testing yourself and your body? How do you feel about trampolines and the NBC series American Ninja Warrior? If those questions tripped your need for adventure, there’s a place for you. Opened in 2015, North Miami’s Ninja Lounge includes 40,000 square feet of space — a full quarter of that covered by trampolines. About 20,000 people use it each month — and 5,000 to 8,000 on “a slow weekend,” says marketing manager Jessica Albert. There are three basketball hoops, two dodgeball courts, and an elevated ropes course. The main attraction is the ninja warrior obstacle course, a replica of the consistent features of the course used in the Ninja series. (It is also the only gym in South Florida certified by the show.) The place costs from $10 to $54.50 per hour, and monthly memberships start at $49 per month. There are also creative fitness classes, including ninja warrior boot camp, ballroom dancing, and hip-hop. “We get a lot of people training for the show,” says Albert, who lists athletes such as former Yankees catcher Jorge Posada and NBA star Dennis Rodman among clients. “There’s even a diner where you can eat after you work out,” she says.

When summer temps threaten to hit triple digits, there’s one place in Miami that stays a consistent 76 to 78 degrees: the historic Venetian Pool in Coral Gables. Fed by a natural spring and drained nightly, the 820,000-gallon pool built in 1923 is ideal for a midday soak if your backyard is waterless or you find yourself terrorized by obnoxious drunks when you venture downstairs to your apartment’s pool. This isn’t just any neighborhood pool, either — with waterfalls, rock features, and faux Mediterranean ambiance, it’s the only swimming hole in America on the National Register of Historic Places. For $13 for adults and $8 for kids (with extra discounts for Coral Gables residents), you’ll get the most bang for your buck if you get there early and make a day of it. Bring your own snacks to avoid the lines at the concession stand, and put the money toward a chair rental so you’ll have a place to sprawl out and stash your sunscreen. Take one last dip before the pool closes (around 4:30 to 6:30, depending upon the day and time of year) and ride home with the windows down so you can feel the hot wind against your wet hair. And if even that fails to shake your stubborn summertime blues, you have full permission to pull into the nearest parking lot and rock back and forth in the air conditioning.

Sure, you can take your non-Miami friends club-hopping in South Beach or exploring the artsy streets of Wynwood, but let’s face it — that’s so cliché. Though the 305 takes pride in its hard-core party rep and burgeoning arts scene, to really give out-of-towners a taste of the area, you have to show them the weird side. And Coral Castle Museum is the epitome of all things strange in these parts. Constructed by Edward Leedskalnin — a five-foot-tall, 100-pound Latvian man with a fourth-grade education — using nothing but his bare hands and simple tools, the coral-rock fortress is rumored to have been built as a tribute to Leedskalnin’s love, Agnes Scuffs, whom he referred to as his “Sweet Sixteen” because she was 16 years old, a full decade younger than he was. Leedskalnin and Scuffs had planned to get married, but she called it off the eve of their wedding. With a broken heart and crushed spirit, Leedskalnin left Latvia. He lived in Canada, California, and Texas for some time but, after developing tuberculosis, ended up in Florida in 1918. He had begun construction of the castle in Florida City in 1923, a few miles south of its current location. But after hearing of a ten-acre site for sale, he moved to Homestead in 1936 and took the colossal stone pieces with him. It is said to have taken Leedskalnin three years to move the rocks. Construction at the current site began in 1936 and was completed in 1951, the year Leedskalnin died. However, no one really knows how he erected the castle. Some people say aliens helped, while others contend the whole backstory is a sham. He swore he “knew the laws of weight and leverage well,” which is how he precariously balanced multi-ton rocks atop one another. Regardless of how Coral Castle was built, your out-of-town buddies will definitely have one hell of a story to tell back home.

Readers’ choice:

There’s a better way to see Miami than from a traffic jam on I-95 in your Ford Focus. A sunset helicopter tour will set you back about 200 bones per head, but it’s the fastest and prettiest way to see Miami Beach and the surrounding area. TourHelicopter.com‘s choppers can fit up to six guests, but you need at least two to book a flight, so bring a favorite long-distance friend in town or that impossible-to-please love interest you have yet to wow. If you call ahead and time it right, you can catch the last bit of sunset and then transition into a nighttime tour of the city’s lights as you head back on the half-hour excursion (which is also by far the dopest way to check out Christmas lights if you book around the holidays). If you’re celebrating, and why wouldn’t you be, it’s A-OK to bring a bottle of champagne or your beverage of choice. But keep it classy — you’re on a helicopter, not a frat party bus.

Sometimes all you need is a blanket, a leafy tree casting some delicious shade, and a few minutes to contemplate life’s great mysteries while munching on a bologna-and-cheese sandwich. That may sound like a simple enough demand, but with all the sweating crowds, echoing traffic, and endless uhntz-uhntz madness that defines Miami, finding some peace and quiet in the Magic City can be a daunting task. But there’s a lush green oasis right in the middle of it all. In fact, it’s the first county park in the 305: Matheson Hammock. In 1930, industrialist William J. Matheson handed 85 acres of tropical hammock to the county and asked it to create a botanical garden. Four years later, the county bought a huge adjacent stretch of land to create more than 500 acres of oasis on the waterfront. Today you can find all of your picnic essentials, from massive banyan trees to pavilions and the occasional squirrel. There’s even a manmade atoll pool that empties and fills with the tides. There’s plenty of grass to pitch a picnic lunch, but there’s also a sandy beach with views of the downtown Miami skyline.

Christian Yelich is the finest Miami Marlins player you’ve never heard of. Casual observers will tell you that great baseball players hit long dingers and get a crapload of RBIs. And that may be true to some degree. But what really makes a great ballplayer is patience — knowing how to take pitches and wear out opposing pitchers, draw walks, and hit it anywhere in the field where it’s safe. And Yelich is arguably one of the best at all of these things in the majors. Baseball is a game of stats, and the stat gurus will tell you the most valuable hitters on your team are the guys who can get on base. Yelich is a wizard at fouling off bad pitches and a warlock at drawing walks. This season, he’s been among the leaders in on-base percentage and is driving pitchers batty with his uncanny ability to hit safely. Best of all, he now has Barry Bonds — arguably the most cerebral hitter of all time — as his hitting coach. Yelich may not be the sexiest player on the Marlins, but he’s the most effective. Someone’s gotta get on base when Giancarlo Stanton hits his monster dongs.

Readers’ choice: Giancarlo Stanton