Love hurts — but that doesn't mean it has to remain painful. Just ask psychic Nicole, who for the past 25 years has built a practice on helping customers suffering from heartache. Her spiritual counseling and love spells are designed to strengthen relationships and ease weary souls. From her charming midtown shop, nestled next to an arepa emporium and neighborhood barbershop, Nicole dispenses advice on not only intimate matters but also business and money problems, health concerns, and negative influences that sully the spirit and mind. The spiritual healer immediately sets you at ease with her warmth and attention and also offers services including palm and tarot card readings, past life regression, aura cleansing, and chakra balancing. Skeptical? Just dial Nicole for a $25 tarot card reading or one free question answered by phone for first-time callers. Prices for services vary, and you'll also discover plenty of crystals, candles, and other items at her shop to soothe your mind and body, not to mention heal that wounded heart.

There's only so much time on the same old treadmill a human being can take. At some point, the soul must rebel and head to Legacy Fit in Wynwood, where owner Manning Sumner will get you looking and feeling your best with a holistic approach. Sumner's core philosophy, "No Days Off," is an 84-day fitness road map with a no-nonsense approach to getting you in shape. A monthly group class training membership will set you back $150, or you can pay as you go for $20 per class. His "boot camp," meanwhile, will push you to your limits with a mixed schedule of sprinting, long-distance treks, and weight training. His gym even offers a pro-athlete fitness package, NFL off-season training sessions, and a wellness program designed specifically for flexibility. If all of that sounds a little intimidating, Legacy Fit is not only for the jacked-up meat heads of Dade County. Sumner's commitment to the underlying philosophy behind lifelong fitness — rather than the all-too-common Miami focus on looking hot in the mirror while doing squats — means everyone is welcome. Turn off that treadmill and run to Legacy instead.

You. This is a short story about you. You stand before the mirror and look at yourself in the buff. Where once a pale-skinned sack the color of aged notebook paper stood, now you find a glowing being bronzed for the gods. Your skin is the hue of the buttery leather of an Italian sports car. There's nary a tan line in sight. You are sun-kissed in places you didn't even know existed. Yes, you. You have gone to Miami Tan. Sure, you weren't quite impressed with the name, but once inside, you found a tidy salon with a friendly staff. There's never much of a wait for beds, and the bulbs always glow like they are brand-new. You purchased the teeth-whitening kit that activates in the UV bed as well. Your teeth are now lighter than your skin was. You have achieved optimum color all over your body. A basic bed costs just $9 plus tax (and packages start at $40), so you're still rolling in cash. You are perfect. You are invincible. No one will ever be able to hurt you ever again. Nothing stands in your way. All of your wildest dreams will come true. You will become known throughout the world, and when you die, bronze sculptures will be erected in every town square across the globe. You are bronze now, and you will be bronze forevermore. OK, maybe those last few parts are a bit much, but that is a nice tan.

Girl, I was straight tripping. I thought my man was cheating on me. His clothes always smelled fresh as hell — like springtime or something. His shirts were actually ironed. He wasn't wearing his socks three days in a row anymore. I'd go over to his place on a Wednesday, we'd dirty up those sheets, and I'd come back Friday and they'd be superclean. I knew his mama moved to Cape Coral to be with that new man of hers. I was about ready to call him out, like, "You gotta new side chick? Huh? Who's this lady doing your laundry all the time?!" I was getting all paranoid. So one night I followed him. Turns out he's just been hanging out at Big Wash. I know! A laundromat! But they've got a pool table in there! A video jukebox and videogames too! No wonder my man is there all the time. It's a good thing they have so many washers and dryers that you don't have to wait long for open ones, or else he'd find even more time to hang around in there.

Past the Cannondales and the cameras and the single Vespa that's for sale at this Wynwood pawnshop, you'll spot an object you can't find anywhere else in Miami. Actually, you probably won't notice it. "No one's asked about this since we got it a year ago," sales specialist Jonathan explains. "We used to keep buying it from this one lady to help her out, but she would always come back for it. I guess she fell on some hard times, and it's been here ever since." The object in question is a mask that looks straight out of a horror-movie costumer's closet. Although it's made of real (presumably) animal bone, it's not in the shape of any creature known to man. There are two giant eyeholes, a pair of ears, and a triangular pattern on its face. "What'll you give us for it?" Jonathan asks. "We're not even trying to make any money off it at this point." Everything else in the shop is competitively priced (a Cannondale will set you back $1,299, a 4G MacBook Pro runs $799, and that lone Vespa is tagged at $2,300). But there's no price tag on the art piece — just a great explanation for its being there. The pawnshop brokers were just trying to be nice. Imagine that.

If you are between the ages of 10 and 110 and are not pregnant, drunk, high, or chewing gum, you'll be welcome at Lock & Load, where both beginning and experienced shooters can giddily squeeze off rounds from a fine selection of 25 firearms, including fully automatic assault rifles such as the Colt M4 Commando, submachine guns like Israel Military Industries' Uzi, semiauto shotguns such as the Saiga-12, and handguns like the Glock 34. Conveniently (and somewhat curiously) located in Wynwood, this sleek, 14,000-square-foot range is open to members, regulars, walk-ins, and even hipsters. As general manager and former Miami Beach cop Mike Pryor likes to say: "Shoot first, and visit the galleries and restaurants later." (There's also a VIP room that can be booked for your bachelor and bachelorette parties, private shindigs, corporate events, and b-day bashes!) Signature packages include the $82.50, three-weapon "Cadet" combo for preteen enthusiasts; the $179, four-weapon "Scarface" bundle deal; and the $545, ten-weapon "Automatic Gratification" machine-gun experience. Oh, and a final tip from the pros: Avoid flip-flops and tank tops, cool kids. There's gonna be tons of hot brass flying 'round.

The floors are tiled. The walls are wood-paneled. And there are many maroon doors, all numbered, from 1 to 10. These could be the basement offices of part-time faculty members at some community college. But what's up with all that moaning? Is it the audible expression of higher minds at work? The sound of curious human creatures plunging for knowledge? Well, sorta. It's porn. This is Adult Video World. And these rooms are 50-cent-per-minute "private viewing booths," where self-educated professors of the pornographic arts are carefully analyzing 60 channels' worth of cinematic smut, refreshed on a weekly basis as part of this institution's ongoing "XXX video arcade" program. Of course, if one prefers to pursue his or her masturbatory endeavors in the comfort of a home study, AVW also boasts a library of 6,000 DVDs, catalogued according to genre — from young or old to chunky, lesbian, and classic — all available "for rental and sale at great prices!"

In any neighborhood, there's always that one badass cat that's either missing a tail, has a sixth claw, or rocks some gnarly battle scar that attests to a defining life experience. That cat — everyone knows — owns the hood. So on Calle Ocho, it's best to afford the same respect to El Gato Tuerto: the "one-eyed cat" in Spanish. While it's not clear whether the eponymous feline lost its eye in a street brawl or from tainted moonshine, its compromised depth perception surely complicates driving. So, in good faith, the kind folks managing the store offer a booze-delivery service for a small fee. If you've had too much to operate heavy machinery and you want more alcohol, they understand that's up to you. They're happy to keep you safely off the streets and the liquors flowing into the wee hours. Open until 1 a.m. daily, they've curated a nice supply of crème liqueurs, craft beers, and plenty of rum for any budget — whether you're a strapped, ramen-noodle-eating college student or some bourgie accountant in a thousand-dollar suit.

The most common modus operandi for intoxication in Miami may be molly and hard liquor, but there are still those who'd rather take their time and enjoy their drink. There's scarcely a brew or barreled concoction better suited for the task than a nice bottle of vino. If you're the type who likes to peruse a sizable cellar of wall-to-wall wine in search of the perfect vintage, Old Vines Wine & Spirits is a place you need to visit. The owner of this wine store, Alejandro, has made a name for himself as a friendly and exceedingly knowledgeable connoisseur and purveyor of fine wines. The selection in his store ranges from $8 to $255 (for a bottle of Tempranillo) from various vintages and wineries and every other variation of fermented grape you could hope to find. Old Vines specializes in Spanish wine, but its selection is nothing shy of replete with international flavors, from Argentina to Australia and Sonoma to South Africa. Let the kids have their molly. Get high on grapes and let Alejandro be your dealer.

Little Havana Cigar Factory is a good place not only to buy a cigar but also to smoke one. Sure, the cigar might technically be imported from the Dominican Republic thanks to that pesky embargo. But considering it's rolled in-house by a Cuban expert and situated across the street from the old men playing dominos at Máximo Gómez Park on Calle Ocho, it's as close to a Cuban cigar as those jerks in Washington will allow. With its front door slightly ajar, the aroma of artisanal cigars will lure you into the polished-wood store. Sit on the leather sofa, enjoy a complimentary cafecito, and let the upbeat Caribbean tunes transport you across the Florida Straits. The shop carries a wide range of brands — from rare breeds such as Padron Family Reserve No. 45 Naturals at $263 for a box of ten, to a lower-key package of Camacho Criollo Figurados for $135 — and also sells pipes, humidors, and cutters, along with books, paintings, and port wine to lavishly complete any man cave. But considering the perfect tobacco-soaked vibe right here on Calle Ocho, the folks at Little Havana Cigar Factory can't promise you'll ever want to leave.