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BEST MANIFESTO

Seth Green

BEST MANIFESTO Seth Green When we last heard from Mr. Seth Green, who was featured in last year's "Best of Miami" (see Best Place to Slow Dance), the Titian-haired star of cinema and television was held aloft by twin streams of bubbly champagne success, doing mainstream comedy in the syndicated series Greg the Bunny while enjoying artistic street cred from his appearance as James St. James in the Sundance Film Festival hit Party Monster. A frequenter of Miami Beach hotel parties -- he visited the Delano recently for a rooftop screening of Monster with costars Wilmer Valderrama and Macaulay Culkin -- Green was riding high. Then came Without a Paddle. The 2004 treasure-hunting comedy was the least funny, most boring buddy flick of all time, and sank without a trace. The cancellation of Greg the Bunny came soon afterward. Suddenly the indie darling and teen heartthrob was faced with a coppery five o'clock shadow and nothing to do but coast on his past fame. Will he bounce back? Will we ever see him again at the Shore Club or Prive? Perhaps his future is predicted in his own words. What follows, carefully culled from Green's work beginning with 1985's The Hotel New Hampshire and concluding, well, with Without a Paddle, are some of his most illuminating lines of dialogue. Sadly, Green shows himself not to be a lucid philosophe but a bit of a bruiser with an obsessive violent streak -- which may explain his affection for Miami. Here, then, is a stunning, stinging sample of the Green Manifesto: "Who could beat a night of cards, chips, dips, and dorks? Something stinks in suburbia. You nuked my brother. You took him from ögeek' status to öking' status to no status. Babe said it was good for my complexion. I swear. One out of ten. You're worse than I am, kiddo. At this rate, we might as well let that damn clown take us one by one. Yeah, and one of them better be good, Bill, because right now, you're in the lead with a pathetic three out of ten. Have you ever killed anyone? That many? Wow! Well my friend Sweet Jay took me to that video arcade in town, right, and they don't speak English there, so Jay got into a fight and he's all, öHey quit hasslin' me cuz' I don't speak French' or whatever! And then the guy said something in Paris talk, and I'm like, öJust back off!' And they're all, öGet out!' And we're like, öMake me!' It was cool. What? Are you feeding him? Why don't you just kill him? I have a gun, in my room, you give me five seconds, I'll get it, I'll come back down here, BOOM, I'll blow their brains out! I was thinking I like animals. Maybe I'd be a vet. No! Maybe like work in a petting zoo. I hate you! I hate you! I wish I was never artificially created in a lab! I haven't seen you my whole life and now you just show up and expect a relationship? I hate you. What? Get away from me, you lazy-eyed psycho! Well, to the casual observer, it would appear that you're trying to make your friend Xander jealous or even the score or something. And that's on the empty side. It's okay. I can wait. That's some deep academia there. Looks dead, smells dead, yet it's moving around. That's interesting. Yo, both of y'all. That is a öFragrance of Love' scented candle, bitch. Damn! It means I gots a 92 percent chance of embarrassing myself. Hey, birthday dude! You want some ice cream? Yeah well we weren't in hell! I mean there was this bright white light at the end of a long tunnel, right, and there was these voices, and that music ... There is something wrong with my friend, I think he smoked some nutmeg or something. I was a little bitter about the getting killed by my best friend thing but I've had time to get over it. I mean, no, I'm glad everybody's all right, but ... that was weak. How could you do this to me? On national television! Him? Look at him, he's crazy. He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. He'll kill me the first chance he gets. Siegfried and Roy are here? One of us has to be the victim, one of us has to be the witness. What kind of a witness would you make? I'm your own brother, I don't know what the hell you're saying. Hey, why don't you guys give him a break? Instead of stabbing him in the back, why don't you try showing him a little support in the front? Let's face it, humans have been mistreating puppets for centuries. It's nothing new. We lure them to our country with the tartar sauce, and the lollipops, and the empty promises of sparklers which I believe are yet unfulfilled. Tardy, you got your sparklers? The only chance we have to survive is to huddle together for warmth. I got to act tough or these people will beat up me a lot. And then he's just the media darling. He's on the cover of all the magazines. He didn't even graduate. I'm not addicted to drugs, I'm addicted to glamour. I don't even know you but I hate you too. What do you mean that's it? I'm not giving up! And neither are you! And neither am I!"

BEST BUMPER STICKER

"To all you virgins out there, thanks for nothing."

BEST BUMPER STICKER "To all you virgins out there, thanks for nothing."

BEST LOCAL BOY MADE GOOD

Blake Ross

BEST LOCAL BOY MADE GOOD Blake Ross Kids today. If they aren't stealing cars and smoking crack, they're, they're -- why, they're building the latest, greatest Internet browser in history! While it may sound inane, make no mistake: This is the biggest browser news since Janet Reno went after Microsoft for offering theirs free with Windows 95. What's so special about a browser that a million people (now more than 25 million) worldwide downloaded it the first day it was offered? Firefox is a stripped-down-to-essentials browser that runs cleaner and faster than others, especially Microsoft's stodgy, virus-friendly dinosaur Internet Explorer. But the most remarkable thing is that it began as a ninth-grader's personal open-source project. Blake Ross, Gulliver Prep graduate and former resident of Key Biscayne (sorry ladies, we've lost him to Stanford, but you can still read his blog: http://blakeross.com), spent his extra hours "playing" with the Mozilla (remember Netscape?) browser's source code before deciding he along with others should simplify it for nongeeks to use. Indeed the browser is so simple to set up and use it's catching on with folks who can barely turn their computers on, and it's giving IE a run for its money. Good show!

Readers´ Choice: Mike Lowell

BEST KIDS' THRILL

Pelican Island Nature Preserve

BEST KIDS' THRILL Pelican Island Nature Preserve Pelican Harbor Marina

1275 NE 79th Street Causeway

Miami

305-754-9330 Although it sometimes seems the kids have become irrevocably attached to their computers and game consoles, there's still the lure of nature to snap them back to our world now and then. Pelican Island, part of the Miami-Dade County park system, is ten acres of nature preserve and bird sanctuary sitting 400 yards offshore in Biscayne Bay. It's accessible only by water, but the marina provides water-taxi service to transport boatless merrymakers. The island's facilities can be reserved, which renders it an almost private playground for a few hours (and a few bucks). What kid wouldn't put down the Nintendo to play Tom Sawyer in real life? Chickee huts, picnic tables, barbecue grills, a sand volleyball court, and trails keep the island from being totally wild, but so does the bathroom on the water taxi, if you catch our drift net.

Readers´ Choice: Miami Children´s Theater

Personal Best

Nick D'Annunzio and Tara Solomon of TARA, Ink.

Personal Best Nick D'Annunzio and Tara Solomon of TARA, Ink. Boutique public relations firm TARA, Ink. is the offspring of Miami Herald columnist Tara Solomon, who manages to be both journalist and, um, promoter. Solomon has long presided over Miami Beach nightlife and now, with fiancé Nick D'Annunzio, may be a little less visible in these parts as she jets among offices around the country negotiating the right kind of exposure for just the right clients.

The successful personal and professional merger of Nick and Tara makes complete, logical sense, between their complementary differences and all-important commonalities: The porcelain-skinned beauty born under the sign of Cancer is practical and reserved; the extroverted and tanned Leo is expansive and prone to dramatic gestures. Both are incredibly sweet, love animals, and are insanely devoted to their families. (Nick recently moved his mom from Las Vegas to Miami; Tara drives to Fort Myers to visit her relatives as often as she can.)

"We have been so blessed with our growth in Miami," says D'Annunzio. "We opened an office in Los Angeles and are doing major programs in New York City, Las Vegas, and other hot spots."

TARA, Ink. has five divisions: fashion, hospitality, beauty, real estate and design, and corporate.

Best place to take out-of-towners: The Forge -- it's a Miami landmark. It has the best wine and steak and, if it's a Wednesday night, the best party in town.

Best place for a first date: OLA. It's lively yet romantic, and the ceviche is an excellent aphrodisiac.

Best new fashion trend: Less about the glitz, more about the individual pieces and attitude. One great accessory can make an outfit.

Best place for cocktails: SkyBar.

Best reason to stay in Miami for the summer: Nick: The heat. It's so sexy.

Tara: More time to check out Miami museums and thrift shops.

What are the new party trends of the future? Things are getting more exclusive, but also events are moving into huge mansions. South Beach nightlife is invading all areas. Look at condominium marketing and their events. The big clubs are not as huge as they used to be. It's more about the restaurants and lounges. Lots of indoor/outdoor spaces like Pangaea, SkyBar, Sanctuary, and Sushi Samba.

Will karaoke still be around? Forever, promise or threat!

Where do you see the public relations business in the year 2025? In 2025 TARA, Ink. will have world domination. With as many offices as the Gap has stores ... just kidding. I think we will still be securing Paris Hilton to attend events, and maybe her unborn children Newark Hilton, Airport Hilton, and Baghdad Hilton. I think the world of celebrity will continue to affect PR. We see that across the board. All clients want some type of partnership with celebrities, whether it's to wear their products or attend their events.

BEST BUILDING LOBBY

Miami-Dade County Courthouse

BEST BUILDING LOBBY Miami-Dade County Courthouse 73 W. Flagler Street

Miami Most folks who stumble through the metal detectors at the Miami-Dade County Courthouse probably have a lot more on their minds than reveling in the gorgeous architecture. But ignoring such beauty is practically criminal. (Not to worry; this is the civil courthouse.) Architects August Geiger and Albert Anthony Ten Eyck Brown (true name) designed the Neoclassical edifice in 1925 after a Miami population explosion rendered the two earlier courthouses too small. Over the years, wear and tear and the addition of an enclosed air-conditioning system detracted from the spacious atrium that once welcomed the courthouse's clientele. When necessary renovations progressed slowly owing to lack of funds, the legal community, led by the Dade County Bar Association, came together and raised enough money to finish work on the lobby. Thankfully they kept the air conditioner, but the false ceiling was removed to reveal the breathtaking two-story atrium. If you stand in the center circle of the tiled floor, you not only get a great feel for it, but you also avoid the ghastly Sixties attached rooms. Delicately carved sea serpents, cupids, and nudes grace the brass elevators. Look just above them to see delightful dolphins swimming in the mosaics. Larger mosaics that depict ships circling the state seal are attached to the ceiling at the entrances. Renovations to other sections of the building should continue for about two more years. Oh! Don't forget to leave your sidearms at home.

BEST LAWYER

Richard Scruggs

BEST LAWYER Richard Scruggs In the corridors of the Miami-Dade State Attorney's Office, some people are calling Scruggs the "Greatest Ass-Kicker of All Time." It may take a bit more time to see if Scruggs, special assistant to State Attorney Katherine Fernandez Rundle for public corruption, is worthy of the exalted title. After all, he's been a state prosecutor since only 2003. Prior to his current gig, though, Scruggs had plenty of experience kicking ass. He served under three U.S. attorneys -- Roberto Martinez, Thomas Scott, and Guy Lewis -- in a variety of capacities, from major crimes to public corruption. In 1990 he won racketeering convictions against Miami cult leader and black supremacist Yahweh Ben Yahweh and six disciples. Scruggs led prosecutions against the wealthy African hustler Foutanga Dit Babani Sissoko and drug-dealing fight promoter Willy Martinez. He also spent several years working for U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno as a special assistant for intelligence issues. In 2000 Scruggs left the U.S. Attorney's Office to run the local branch of Kroll Associates, the international security and investigations firm. But then he confided to his old friend Trudi Novicki, a former high-ranking assistant state attorney, that he wanted to return to criminal prosecution. Novicki alerted Rundle, and it didn't take long to recruit Scruggs as her special assistant. By 2004 he was very busy as the lead prosecutor in a sprawling public-corruption case at Miami International Airport. Among the nineteen people arrested so far are several with political connections to two prominent black politicians: county Commissioner Barbara Carey-Shuler and former Miami Commissioner Arthur Teele. Scruggs recently won a felony conviction against Teele for threatening a cop, and is now preparing to take him to trial on corruption charges.

Best Of Miami®

Best Of Miami®

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