Shopping & Services

On a scale of fun things to do, looking for a used car falls somewhere between undergoing anesthetic-free root-canal surgery and eating raw sand. The salesmen are sharks looking to rip you off at every turn, and the cars are gussied-up lemons waiting to explode on the Dolphin Expressway. But this is Miami, and you need a ride. Thank the car gods for Esserman International Volkswagen. Whether you're looking for a fresh new VW or a pre-owned model, Esserman is set apart by its quality sales associates, who treat customers like real people, not potential sacks of money. They put away their gimmicks and make their smiles look genuine. There's no "let me get my manager" routine here, but rather a group of people who let the quality of German engineering do most of the work for them, and they work with customers for the best possible deal on a future car, from used Toyotas and Chevys for $10,000 or less to shiny new Jettas for around $18,000.

Readers' choice: The Collection

"Today I'm going to chill in an igloo" is a phrase you probably never anticipated saying in Miami, but thanks to the Carillon Hotel & Spa, you really should. During a sultry, humid South Florida summer, cooling your blood inside an ice sculpture reinforced with three arctic mist "experiences" (in menthol, mint, and eucalyptus scents) actually sounds like a damn good way to spend a day. To do that, you'll need some serious cash: $295 to be exact. That's how much a day pass costs for Carillon's 70,000-square-foot world of relaxation and rejuvenation. But considering all the outlandish benefits that come with that pass, it seems like a bargain. You get a 50-minute tailored massage from a therapist, more than 40 fitness classes to choose from, pool access, and use of all the regular spa facilities. Try a Caribbean Monsoon (a "rain experience") or stare at the starlit ceiling and let all your worries melt away in the herbal laconicum — a warm ceramic room infused with herbs and private seating niches. There's even mindful relaxation therapy to get your brain as chill as your muscles via a soothing massage on vibrating sound tables that retune brainwaves.

Readers' choice: The Standard Spa

A short sampling of Miami's rankings in various national surveys last year: the seventh worst traffic in America, the fifth least affordable rentals, and the fourth worst place for recent college grads to move. Is it any wonder that last year, real-estate blog Movoto ranked Miami the third most stressed place in the nation? That's why you need a glorious, 50-minute massage, stat. And no one in Miami does it better than Lapis, the spa at the historic Fontainebleau resort. Soft music plays in the background while guests slip into a soft robe and rubber slippers. Before the rub begins, guests can take in the other considerable amenities, such as a swimming pool and a warm waterfall. Lapis offers various treatments, but perhaps the one that will give your muscles a workout is the "weekend warrior rehab," a combination of deep-tissue massage mixed with hot stones to "ease pain, tension, and improve mobility and range of motion." Those 50 minutes of heaven cost $165 — a hefty investment, but think of how Miami's national rankings could change if we all took a few minutes for a legit massage. America's number one Zen city, here we come.

Readers' choice: The Spa at Mandarin Oriental

Miamians aren't known for being wallflowers. So why shouldn't our fingernails match the personality of the city that birthed the Golden Girls, Tony Montana, and "surfbort." If you're looking to take that vivid loudness to a whole new level, there's one spot in town that can turn your nails into a work of art: Miami's freshly minted Vanity Projects. The salon, which was previously a pop-up during Art Basel, recently opened a full-time shop in Little River — its first outpost after establishing its street cred in Manhattan. It's easy to see why Vanity has received genuine art-world love: These guys can draw just about anything you want on your fingers. Tribal prints and talking lips? OK. Comic book heroes and attitudinal cats? Sure, why not? Vanity Projects offers custom colors, gel or regular polish, and a seemingly endless supply of inspiration for your nail art designs. Starting at $30, their work is generally priced per nail.

Wanna look like Christie Brinkley at 61 or Halle Berry at 48? Facials — lots and lots of facials — are the answer. Perfect skin doesn't come from over-the-counter creams, no matter what Big Cosmetics might want you to believe. To look firm and glowing into your later years, professional skincare is a must, and Leelou Salon and Spa is all about pampering your pretty face. Betsy, the resident facial queen, starts by analyzing your unique epidermis and adjusting as needed — because skin rarely stays the same. Try a $95 customized facial and lie back while she cleans, scrubs, extracts, masks, massages, and moisturizes your outer layer. Products and equipment are as fancy-pants as anything celebs use, and the private rooms have a spa-like vibe with soft lights and Zen tunes. You'll walk away feeling refreshed, relaxed, and, most important (particularly in Miami), ten years younger.

It's not a crime to want to look your best, particularly if it's a special occasion and there's a certain ex to impress. This is where the makeup-wielding wizards at Gee Beauty come in. Their signature "Red Carpet" service (for $60) includes 35 minutes with an artist who uses the company's beauty line to even out your skin tone, enhance your eyes, and contour better than a Kardashian. And by "better," we mean "more natural looking," because the mantra here is to emphasize each client's God-given attributes. It's why the "Secrets From the Chair" service ($125) is so great: For one hour, one of the friendly Gee gals teaches you her insider tips and tricks so you can be the pro. Then, two weeks later, you get to come in for a complementary followup where you apply your own makeup under their expert guidance. Plus, this Bal Harbour shop's beauty boutique and salon can shape and tint your brows and lashes ($20 to $35) to help round out your fabulous look.

Not many cities boast more options than Miami for a nip, a tuck, or whatever other bit of appearance-boosting magic you're looking for at the hands of a skilled surgeon. So where to get that boob job, chin lift, or butt enhancement? When talking about serious knife-work on your body, we suggest you start with "skill" as the first and really only criterion. That's why you'd be hard-pressed to find a better man for the job than Dr. Gabriel Salloum at the Miami Center for Plastic Surgery in the Design District. The center's decor is inviting and handsome, and so is the young surgeon himself, with a seductively smooth face and warm brown eyes that hint at your own aesthetic enhancements to come. More important, though, Salloum is a Vanderbilt honors grad who completed his residency at Miami Beach's Mount Sinai Medical Center and has fast earned a reputation for his techniques. For good reason, online reviews for the center rave about the professionalism, courtesy, and effectiveness of Salloum and his staff — the doctor with "gentle hands" who performed a "perfect" breast repair and provided "the nose that should have always been on my face." Consultations are typically free, and prices vary based on the procedure.

It's Saturday night, and you're on a blind date. Don't worry! It's going way better than expected. Laughter is flowing, the vibes are clicking — this thing is actually working! That's when the realization hits harder than a Tinder rejection: You forgot to shave. So much for any extracurricular activities after the bar. Listen up: There's no need for this horror story to play out in 2015. Laser hair removal has gone far beyond a craze and become a physical game-changer. Seven sessions at Ultima Med Spa is all it takes to extinguish stubborn hairs forever. If lasers zapping through your skin sounds like a painful operation, well, it usually is. But Dr. Rosa Mena works with cooling-tip technology on her lasers so you don't feel the burn. Prices vary according to the area you wish to tackle, but think of the procedure as a lifelong investment. After all, you'll never say no to another impromptu boat day or one-night stand. Thanks, science!

In an unassuming shopping center in Little Havana, a tiny salon holds just a handful of chairs. Opening the front door pauses all Spanglish conversations and starts some serious stares in the sudden pin-drop silence. Simply ask for Susana Rodriguez, a 40-something Cuban woman with short blond hair who works in platform stilettos at Franci Beauty Salon. Her English is minimal, but pointing and uttering "keratin" is all that's needed if you don't habla. Rodriguez has a loyal following among her daughter's friends and their parents, and for $150 (depending upon hair length and texture), she'll soak and treat your strands in chemicals, straighten them, and dry them. It's a three-hour process for long hair, and the fumes are barely breathable. When you exit, though, not even Miami's humidity will cause your newly glossed locks to frizz.

In a just world, $50 men's haircuts would be considered a lesser crime against humanity. Who really needs to sip champagne while sitting in a vintage Italian leather salon chair while listening to indie Muzak? Celebrity co-owners or clients are not a must. Gossip is optional. The only necessity, actually, is someone armed with a buzzer and scissors who knows what they're doing, and that's exactly what the Cutting Room guarantees. As the name suggests, it's a simple room where they cut hair, and the work they do in this room is done very well. It's a humble little shop located in a nondescript office building in North Bay Village with experienced employees who have been there for years. Yes, they offer other full-service salon services like pedicures, waxing, and keratin treatments, but the place has a quaint, down-to-earth vibe. There are no pretensions here, and you're not paying extra for them. A men's short buzzcut costs just $23, and a loyalty rewards system means the sixth cut is on the house after every five visits. They can pull off the latest trends with no problem if you like, but they're not trend-chasing. They use all-American products and regularly give back to the community. Trust us: If they don't offer it, your hair doesn't need it.

Readers' choice: RazzleDazzle Barbershop

[Scene: An empty room with an old TV set.] Voiceover begins: "Are you feeling blue? Does your dull, lifeless hair have you feeling under the weather? Is your style missing a certain pizzazz? You need a haircut."

[Pan to a not-so-stylish person dressed in sweatpants about to enter Junior & Hatter]. "You've taken the plunge. You've decided it has been too long since your last haircut and you're ready for a change. Good for you!"

[Myrnelle Singh greets the newcomer.] "Oh, isn't she lovely? The first thing you'll notice when meeting Myrnelle is her smile, so infectious it's sure to make you feel as if tiny rays of sunshine are sprinkling over you. And the first thing you'll probably hear is the proper pronunciation of her name because you're likely saying it wrong. (It's pronounced mer-NEL.) You're in good, capable hands, Sweatpants."

[Sweatpants sits in the coveted black spinning chair in front of the mirror, ready to get some style]. "If there's one thing that comforts you at this point, Sweatpants, is the fact that Myrnelle has, beyond a reasonable doubt, fabulous hair. You want your hair to look like hers. Inspiration begins to shoot through you, and you want to be wild, you want to be adventuresome, you think you can pull off blue hair or a faux-hawk. Calm down, because you can't. One step at a time."

[Myrnelle snips and snips and twirls Sweatpants around until the customer becomes a different person]. "Voila! You've emerged a new, nearly unrecognizable person. You have style now. Your hair has pizzazz. You're ready to shed those sweatpants for a tasteful pantsuit. Go take a bite out of life, wild one — the world is ready to embrace the new you."

Getting your hair done in Miami can go one of two ways: Either you wind up looking like a younger version of Gloria Estefan no matter what you requested, or you find that perfect person who knows exactly what you want and always delivers. The team at Concept 5 Studio in Edgewater is definitely in the latter camp. Solange Sarria and Andino Andres are creative hair gods with their fingers on the pulse of what's trending in techniques, colors, and cuts. With an impressive portfolio of editorial and production work, they always deliver a look that's exactly like that photo you showed them, only better because it's customized to what works for you. And they do it at a price that doesn't require an Estefan-esque address on Star Island: Women's cuts start at $78, and men's start at $68. The studio's discreet location on the fifth floor of a condo is the perfect spot to sit back, enjoy the views, and await a new do.

Readers' choice: Contesta Rock Hair

Outsiders assume Miamians sport a sun-kissed glow because our city is bathed in sweet solar beams 320 days a year. But 305ers know the truth: Living in eternal summer is great, but who has the time to lie on the beach for hours every day? We do have jobs, you know. The airbrush-tan experts at Forever Tan deserve plenty of credit for keeping up our beach-look street cred. Miami's beauty-obsessed freaks get hyped up about the Brickell tanning salon because you won't find any skin-endangering UV tanning booths here, only sunless, all-natural, organic products. The process begins with a pH-balanced toner ($5) that's sprayed all over the body to prevent that orange Jersey Shore look and make your color last longer. After the toner has settled in, alcohol-and-preservative-free color comes next. There are several shades of tan to choose from, starting with clear — a colorless formula that darkens steadily over time and won't stain your clothes — to dark tropical, which provides an instant bronzed, Magic City feel. Full-body ($45), half-body ($25), and facial airbrush tanning ($10) sessions are available, as well as next-day touchups ($10). Regardless of your preference, you'll walk out the door looking like you just spent a week sippin' 'ritas on South Beach — minus the tan lines and while keeping your full-time job.

Readers' choice: Boca Tanning Club

For residents of a certified tropical paradise, Miamians sure live with a lot of daily stress. There's the omnipresent road rage, the pressure of trying to keep up with the nonstop partying, the constant battle to be beautiful, and the tough work of holding down a job to pay for that high-flying Miami lifestyle. It's enough to make you want to hit something. But before you do something dumb, put down that antique vase Aunt Fanny left you in her will. Go to SoBe Kick instead. There, you can take your aggressions out on heavy bags. Don't assume this is just a punching and kicking free-for-all (although that would work too). Some of Miami's best fitness instructors (with the sickest bodies) will show you the ropes in a series of drills that will leave you mentally and physically drained in a good way. Think of SoBe Kick as a cross between therapy (and around $100 a month, way cheaper) and one of Rocky Balboa's training montages. Who's got the eye of the tiger now, son?

Readers' choice: Fight Club Miami

Start with a healthy dose of ballet's limb-stretching, toe-punishing routine. Add a dash of the heart-thumping cardio of Pilates. And finish with a side of yoga's muscle-bending focus. What do you get? No, it's not a Geneva Conventions-breaking form of physical torture. It's actually a helluva good time and a monster workout style called barre, which emphasizes high reps of small isometric movements. At Pulse 163, the barre classes move superfast, so you're never bored while you jam to a current, upbeat soundtrack. If you begin feeling the burn a little too hot, the friendly and professional staff at this bright Malibu-inspired fitness studio is always there with words of encouragement. Even if barre isn't your M.O., Pulse 163 offers yoga and a cardio dance class called Funk Fusion. A single barre class costs $23, but if you buy a group in bulk, you can save significant cash. Prior to opening their business in September 2014, Pulse 163's two owners — Melissa Grosfeld and Hilary Kates — tried virtually every barre-style workout in Miami. They did their research, and the proof is in the tight abs and thighs everywhere in this North Miami Beach studio.

Whoever said "nothing lasts forever" has clearly never gotten a good tattoo. That's why committing to body ink is about as intense a decision as tying the knot. After all, your average Miami tat lasts a helluva lot longer than most South Florida marriages. So you probably want to test-drive that ink design before you take the plunge. That's why it's so refreshing to walk into Green Machine to encounter a touch-screen monitor loaded with a portfolio of the shop's best work. What you won't find at this sleek, clean, green (even the ceiling and floor are a bright lime) paint parlor is any flash on the walls. They keep it classy and vintage with a fuchsia Victorian couch, skeletal antlers, and an antique clock you won't need to keep your eyes on. That's because unlike other tat shops, Green Machine charges by the session, not the hour. And as far as pricing goes, it's more than reasonable, especially when you take into account every job they do here is custom. (Prices vary widely, but a recent tattoo of a decent-sized elephant set us back $90.) So bring your ideas and get ready to have some deep conversation with artist/owner James Rossi. Expect some back-and-forth as you agree on the perfect drawing; you might even get turned down. That's right. If you're trying to tattoo any area of your body that won't heal right (i.e., the sides of your fingers or palms of your hands) or want something they deem small or downright stupid, they'll send you on your way. That's because the artists here pride themselves on the work they do — and because the last thing they want is for you to cover up their work of art or have to come back to fix it in ten years. That would be tattoo blasphemy.

Readers' choice: Tattoos by Lou

"We Create Dreams & Fix Nightmares." That's the slogan of this tried-and-true parlor, which is to say there are some pretty talented artists on staff. It stands to reason that if their hands are steady enough to ink your skin in eternal glory, they can handle piercing your face, stomach, or nether region without any cause for alarm. You know they've got professionalism down pat because they've been enhancing people's lives through the magic of body jewelry for more than ten years. They recently relocated to Miami's hippest hood, and not even a move could put a damper on their thriving business. Piercings run about $50, which includes the price of quality Wildcat jewelry. So go ahead — get that belly-button ring you've always wanted but never had the courage to face head-on. If you feel woozy, you can always walk to one of Wynwood's many fine bars to drink it off.

As you pull into the parking lot, try to stifle your laughter. The sign across the street at Bird Bowl boasts "59 years of family fun," and if you have too much fun with the things you're about to buy here, you just might start a family of your own or add to the one you already have. Playthings Miami is the be all and end all of sexy toys, lingerie, accessories, games, novelties, and, of course, DVDs. Open 9 a.m. to 2 a.m. every day of the year, it's the one and only place you should head when you're looking to spice things up. You'll be floored as soon as you enter the warehouse full of scanty "dance wear," costumes, rave gear, lingerie, and other items. Do you want finger gloves? They're here. Theme suspenders? Hook 'em up. Wigs in every shape, size, and color? Let your imagination be your guide. There are even crazy contact lenses for the freak in all of us. Walk through the seemingly endless ocean of clothes, past the wall of condoms and R-rated gadgets, and (if you're 18 or older) enter the back-door NSFW arena, the space in which everything steamy and pleasurable resides. Here you'll find row upon row of pornography for whatever tickles your fancy — celebrity, Latin, gay, lesbian, vintage, instructional, Bang Bros, and everyone's favorite, "clearance." Don't be shy. Fork over $40 and the world is your oyster, or at least your rosy clam.

When you name your spirits shop after the Roman god of wine, you set the bar pretty high. Especially when you're in the middle of party capital South Beach (and let's be real — if Roman mythology were popular today, there would probably be new epic stories about Bacchus' wild nights in SoBe). Bacchus Liquors meets these divine expectations. Chicly appointed with welcoming furniture, the store offers a comfortable setting for liquor lovers to browse the extensive selection of wines and spirits from around the world. Regular free tastings and moderate prices also make this place a favorite among locals, but perhaps some of its best customers never actually set foot in the store. That's because Bacchus delivers anywhere on the Beach, and orders over $50 are always delivered free of charge. Which means you won't pay extra for the service of Mercury, the god of speedy delivery.

Readers' choice: Total Wine & More

Miami, 1954. Fidel Castro was still smarting from his failed raid on the Moncada Barracks. Mobsters still ran Miami and Havana. And in the quiet suburb of Hialeah, Lou's Distributors set up shop with a simple mission: to keep South Florida's cops and civilian arms enthusiasts stocked with the best heat they could pack. A few things have changed in the six decades since, but Lou's has stayed put and grown into one of the largest suppliers of weaponry to Miami's law enforcement pros. And it's no wonder why. In addition to the usual guns, rifles, and pistols from nearly every major firearm maker — from $3,500 Armalite AR-15s to $719 Remington 1919 handguns — there's a wide range of ammunition and all of the cases and tactical gear that your heart desires (even a Drago Sentry Pack, specially designed so you can carry your iPad alongside your concealed weaponry). If a Miami business has lasted as long as the Castro regime, you know it's here to stay.

At AAA Pawnbrokers of North Miami, you may come for the guns and jewelry, but you'll stay for the conversation. The shop, which is marked by a big yellow sign with handguns in a strip mall just off West Dixie Highway, isn't much to look at from the outside. But inside, you'll find a great selection of rifles, pistols, gold, jewelry, cameras, fishing rods, iPads, DVDs, videogames, and power washers, plus hundreds of other things you didn't even realize you were looking for. Prices vary as widely as the selection: Used handguns start around $60, rifles start about $100, and watches range from around $30 to more than $1,000. What really distinguishes AAA, though, is the staff. Customers love AAA's fair-trade policy and relaxed environment. The manager, an ex-Marine named Domingo, boasts that "jokes and wisecracks are my specialty," and he's not wrong. In a room packed full of firearms, that levity goes a long way.

"We're not just a store," Sale Rack promises customers who wander into the charming storefront on a tree-lined block near CocoWalk. "We're an adventure." Normally, that kind of sales pitch would be hyperbole, but Sale Rack is the kind of eclectic free-for-all of modern, vintage, and just plain off-the-wall that makes perusing the aisles feel like a time-warp walk on the wild side. As great as the mix of home decor, fashion, and accessories is, though, the best items in the whole treasure trove are the jewelry pieces. Nowhere else can you find such a unique mix of vintage and vintage-inspired pieces, and Sale Rack almost always offers a two-for-$10 special on clip-on earrings and cocktail rings. Plus, in the afternoon Monday through Thursday, Sale Rack associates purchase pieces from the public (by appointment only), so if you have a batch of weird garage-sale relics you're ready to pass along, you can get cash or store credit in exchange. That's our kind of adventure.

Ever seen a dinosaur head on the wall doubling as a lamp and a killer conversation piece? How about an insect-robot hybrid built from rusted old yard tools? Or a battered life-size papier-mâché kid holding a giant hamburger next to a vintage '50s pinball machine and a dentist's examination light? You'll see all of these eye-popping sights and more if you pop into Worth Galleries, a beyond-quirky antique store in a shopping center under the Metrorail overpass in Coconut Grove. Worth Galleries is like a jam-packed fever dream of an antique shop — an unpretentious, overcrowded space that makes you feel like you're hanging out at the world's coolest grandma's house. Aside from all the insane knickknacks, there's even an impressive collection of over-the-top antique lamps and European stained-glass art.

Whisper "the Redland" to most Miamians, and a few things invariably come to mind: sprawling fields of tomatoes, the alligator-choked entrance to the Everglades, milkshakes at Robert Is Here, and carne asada at Taco Morelia. But flea markets? Believe it. Thanks to Redland Market Village, city dwellers have a new reason to take a road trip down south. Not only is Redland Market Village a fine place to discover weird found objects and crazy-cheap furniture, but it's also a one-stop shop for great food and entertainment thanks to an adjacent farmers' market and regular events like vintage car shows and face painting for kids. Plus, there's a pet shop for animal lovers, as well as the usual spoils of the average flea market. But unlike most flea markets in South Florida, Redland Market Village — which has zero entrance fee — offers some of the freshest air and wide-open spaces in Miami-Dade.

It was the 2002 romantic comedy Juwanna Mann, starring Miguel A. Núñez Jr. and Vivica A. Fox, that taught us the most important lesson in love. In the movie, Fox's character, Michelle, tells Juwanna (Nuñez's character Jamal in drag) that she wants a guy who will send her flowers just because it's Wednesday. Seriously, why do we wait until Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, or birthdays to tell those dearest to us that we love them? At the end of the movie, after Jamal's deception is revealed, he wins Michelle back by sending her flowers "just because it's Wednesday." (Fight back the tears!) We're sure that if Jamal had any say, he would have stopped by Pistils & Petals in South Beach to order the perfect bouquet. Since 1997, this homegrown shop has been spreading the love through floral arrangements — uh, "design." Why design? Because these pieces border on the traditional while displaying a modern edge. Sure, you won't pay Publix flower prices here (most arrangements cost $80 to $300), but can you really put a price on love? And if your romantic gestures lead to wedded bliss, Pistils & Petals can help you with that too. It offers an in-house event service that includes everything from conceptualization to decor.

Choosing a wedding dress is arguably the most important fashion decision you'll ever make. In your entire life. EVER. No pressure, though! But seriously, this is not a shopping process that should have any hiccups or surprises. At the recently renovated Coral Gables Bridals, the employees go out of their way to help you find the perfect gown. They'll work around your schedule to accommodate fittings and will keep on smiling regardless of how many dresses you try on or how many times you change your mind. There's a reason they've been in business since 1982 and why former brides return as mothers-of-the-bride. That reason is service. The amazing selection — from elegant designs by the Barcelona-based company Pronovias to the brilliant work of Sydney's Maggie Sottero — at prices that won't make your heart ache doesn't hurt either.

Walk up the stairs outside a restaurant run by Italian twin brothers on the Upper Eastside and you'll immediately feel sexy. Visions of naughty positions and men with dark hair and olive complexions kneading dough fill your mind. And then, when you open the door to L.A. Boudoir Miami, it all comes together. Suddenly, you've entered a different decade, one of glamor and bombshell babes. Perhaps you think of the Hollywood starlets of yesteryear or daydream about a lady's opulent bedroom where you can snoop and play dress-up with pearls, silk, and lace. This place is miles away from the Kardashians wearing latex waist trainers on Instagram for millions of "likes." Instead, exquisite vintage corsets are carefully and privately shown in this undergarment-and-under-wraps world that women hold a bit closer to their skin. You can peep playful pink polka-dot panties for less than $10 and elaborate red-and-black beaded underbust corsets for more than $100. You can find that item to make you feel as sultry as these womanly and curvaceous surroundings. In case you need more inspiration, Marilyn Monroe prints cover many of the walls. Plus, the store's owner, Lauren Arkin, is available for styling consultations if you want to do a special sexy photo shoot for the only "like" that matters: yours.

When was the last time your clothing boutique had an official mission? This little shop in the heart of Wynwood does. Founded by fashionista friends Lisa and Leilani, Mimo Market proudly espouses "the freedom and courage to express your passions and who you are." That translates into a chic spot showcasing affordable fashions like a cute maxidress for around $50 and a pleather vest for less than $100 from brands like MinkPink. Men get equal time and can find a good selection of tanks, tees, and shorts. And all the clothes have been curated to look especially at home in the mural-splashed wonderland of Wynwood (yes, we're talking about that Andy Warhol-esque fruit-print bowling shirt). Next time you spill hot sauce on your frock during Taco Tuesday at Wood Tavern, you'll thank heaven that Mimo Market is right around the corner.

Readers' choice: ALX Couture

Laure Heriard-Dubreuil is an international style icon who is consistently featured in glossies such as Vogue and Harper's Bazaar. Luckily for Miami shoppers, she's also the CEO and buyer for a high-end boutique in Miami Beach. At the Webster, her impeccable taste translates into an incredibly well-curated collection of clothing and accessories. With locations in Miami Beach and Bal Harbour Shops, the boutique is frequented by men and women searching for unique statement pieces like a suede fringe jacket by Saint Laurent (a cool $4,790) or a Balmain printed scarf (a tidy $805). Couture doesn't come cheap. Hardly anything costs less than $400 at the Webster, but even those without the cash can experience the store much like they would a fashion museum. After all, Heriard-Dubreuil is so influential that the world's top designers often create special collections just for the Webster. It's a spectacle worth seeing even if you don't plan to bust your credit limit.

Marilyn Monroe once said, "It's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring." Right on. That famous quote is featured high on Babalu's website. This boutique distinguishes itself by carrying unique, cheeky merchandise that's sometimes ridiculous, but in the best possible way — like Aaron James' book Assholes: A Theory ($23.95), a philosophical examination of what makes someone an insufferable jerk. Babalu has three locations, including a pintsize spot inside the Raleigh Hotel. The well-curated shop is a perfect fit for South Beach's fabulous locals and tourists looking to snap up hard-to-find beauty buys by brands like RMS, Ilia, and C.O. Bigelow or those seeking some color and whimsy for their home via Jonathan Adler decor. Want a fuchsia skull-shaped candle? You can buy one here by DL & CO for $45. Or how about a polka-dot wallet from Comme des Garçons for $180? Babalu is many things, but boring certainly isn't one of them.

We get you, Miami: You live on secondhand plastic glasses you found in your mom's basement or stumbled across on the beach. The fear of losing or breaking high-end eyeglass frames is too much to handle. But your cheap ways all too often lead to accepting terrible quality in your eyewear. That's why we did cartwheels when Warby Parker set up shop in South Florida. The brand has been selling designer-quality glasses since 2010 for about $100 a pair. The only caveat for Miami shoppers was that, without a local store, checking out the selection in person wasn't a feasible option. In 2012, Warby Parker opened a small shop at the Standard, and this past March, a full-fledged store dubbed the Warby Parker Annex set up in Wynwood. It's the only full-size Florida location and one of only nine stand-alone boutiques in the nation. Despite the posh feel of the store, the affordable price remains a constant. For $95 plus tax, you can leave with stylish frames, lenses included. (If your eyesight requires thicker lenses, you can ask for special thinner ones for an extra $30.) The store doesn't do eye exams, so you'll need to come prescription-ready. That's a small price to pay for awesome, affordable specs.

This is Miami, gentlemen. A well-put-together look is a must. Still, far too many men in Dade County forget the prime directive of fashion: Style looks best when it appears effortless and relaxed. Eschew those bespoke suits and high-end designs for the classic Americana and pick up your next outfit at Lost Boy Dry Goods instead. Brothers Randy and Brian Alonso, who grew up with a knack for the retail business, run the shop. Their family owns La Epoca department store downtown. But at Lost Boy, the brothers have complete control over the store's feel and vibe, which veers closer to Rocky Mountain rustic than Miami's neon glow. The store carries labels such as Scotch & Soda, Puma, Levi's, Retro Brand, and Juntos — all reasonably priced. The store's biggest draw, though, is its denim selection. If you're looking for gaudy and excessively studded jeans, look elsewhere. The offerings here are classic and flattering, in keeping with the store's Americana aesthetic. And though the menswear brought us in the door, the shop carries a fine seletion of clothes for the ladies as well.

Between The Real Housewives, the gossip mags, and the paparazzi dashing around South Beach, Miami puts plenty of its dirty laundry right out there in public. Think about taking it to the Neighborhood Cleaners instead. No matter how filthy your clothes are, the crew at the Cleaners will leave your specialty button-downs and fancy gowns looking new. Care aside, the secret behind the dry cleaner's spotless rep lies with the products they use. One of the greener places around the mostly industrial neighborhood of Doral, the Cleaners is supplied by GreenEarth, "the largest brand of environmentally friendly dry-cleaning solvent," which is nontoxic, free of harsh chemicals, and gentle on clothes. The Neighborhood Cleaners also offers alterations, shoe repair, and tailoring services. The prices are reasonable — shirts start at $5.99, pants cost $6.50, and dresses vary based on length and design but typically run around $12 — and those who pay upfront receive a 10 percent discount. Free delivery to select areas, mainly around Doral, is also available. Next time you're wondering how you'll ever remove that suspicious stain from that dress your sister let you borrow, the Neighborhood Cleaners has your back — no questions asked.

Readers' choice: OXXO Care Cleaners

Being a sneakerhead ain't easy. It takes a special kind of retail addict to get in line at midnight at Foot Locker in the mall the day before a limited-edition run of Jordans drops. You don't see flossy ladies mobbing Nordstrom for a shot at a sweet pair of rare goatskin Louboutin heels, do you? Why stress yourself when there's not one, but two spots in Southwest Miami-Dade serving the really exclusive kicks. Founded by a pair of Kendall bros in 2012, the Edition Sneaker Boutique swears it will have its customers looking mad ill from head to toe. For starters, the Edition is the official U.S. authorized retailer for Miami Heat star Dwyane Wade's signature shoe, Way of Wade, by Li-Ning. "The only other place to get them is on Li-Ning's online store," says Edition co-owner Nick Chang. "We have been selling Wade's shoe since we opened, but it took us about a year and a half to get the account." Now's that what you call reppin' the 305. Chang, 18, teamed up with his buddy, Michael LoBue, 20, to open their first location on SW 136th Street three years ago. "We just want to help the sneaker community out here by bringing something to Kendall," Chang says. "There were no stores really selling exclusive sneakers here. Before, you had to drive 20 to 30 minutes to find a good sneaker store." Chang, who purchased his first pair of exclusive kicks (the DMP Raptor Jordan 7s) when he was 13, says the Edition also carries Asics, Nikes, and Jordans, as well as popular streetwear such as 10 Deep, Billionaire Boys Club, and local brands Lyfe Brand and Miami Native. And the prices, ranging from $70 to $320, won't burn a hole in your paycheck or allowance. The stores have also held special events with Heat players such as James Ennis, Mario Chalmers, and Udonis Haslem. "We are opening another store in Doral in November," Chang says.

Readers' choice: FootWorks

In an endless sea of chain department stores, Capretto Shoes is one of Miami's few shops where shoe lovers can still buy local. Even better, this South Miami store has a smartly curated selection of designer women's shoes — including familiar names like Jimmy Choo, Prada, and Balenciaga — set in a beautifully decorated modernist salon. You can also snag a designer handbag while you're there, and Capretto sells its own label alongside iconic designers such as Valentino. The shop must be doing it right, because Capretto opened its doors in 1983, which, by Miami standards, makes it an historic landmark. Capretto isn't a discount outlet — that perfect design by Alexander Wang, Fendi, or Gianvito Rossi doesn't come cheap. But the budget-conscious can wait for Capretto's sales and score last season's lines at a serious discount.

Chaos theory: a mathematical field of study, most famously backed by Jeff Goldblum's character in Jurassic Park. Also, it's an apt description of what you'll encounter on a typical Saturday morning at Red White & Blue Thrift Store. Thousands of shoppers jostle and carom among the hundreds of racks jammed with every conceivable clothing item, all priced to fly off the shelves. Viejitos grab guayaberas by the handful, hipsters flip through faded rec-league baseball T-shirts, moms force kids' feet into Velcro slip-ons, and young Republicans grab pinstriped three-piece suits. And you know what? It's beautiful. There's no better representation of Miami in all its diverse, bananas weirdness than the bargain-mad crowd understandably crashing through Red White & Blue's gates every weekend.

A funky bass groove kicks into gear. Wide-legged orange polyester pants fill your vision. You feel your cranium and — is that an Afro? It's not your imagination or an accidental trip into a hot-tub time machine; you've just walked into the '70s-inspired section of Fly Boutique, where wrought-iron chandeliers, tufted velvet sofas, and midcentury lamps transport shoppers to another era. Of course, you don't have to hang out in the Carter administration. Fly offers more than ten decades' worth of vintage goods, many from a variety of designer labels. There's a $650 Devi Kroell python handbag, a $120 pair of 1950s paisley Evins shoes, and a '70s Christian Dior chain belt. Talk about a time warp.

There's a reason Fashion Week jets south from New York City to South Florida to show off the latest in designer swimwear every year: In the Magic City, swimwear is serious business. And Mermaids Swimwear is a store that understands that swimwear is central to the social fabric of our fair city. The store — which owner Jessica Sierralta opened in 2000 in South Miami — offers pieces by major designers such as Mara Hoffman, Kai Lani, and Acacia. From bikinis to monokinis, flattering one-pieces, and fashionable cutouts, Mermaids carries just about every style of swimsuit, while also understanding that swimwear is a total look. After all, you can't show up at a Miami Music Week pool party in only a swimsuit. So Mermaids also carries a selection of shoes, including pretty Cocobelle gladiators and supercomfortable Havaiana flip-flops, tote bags, and coverups. Prices vary widely, with swimsuits running $100 to $300 or more and shoes $32 to $150.

Marie Antoinette lilac-and-cherry-blossom lavatory mist. Essential oils and perfumes imported from Farmaceutica di Santa Maria Novella, the world's oldest pharmacy in Florence, Italy. Wavertree & London black-fig natural-oil scented soap. No matter where you turn, there's a gem waiting at the Olfactory Company. Though the name suggests the Coconut Grove shop is all about the smell, your eyeballs get a great workout too when you step into the Florentine Plaza storefront. It's like walking into a labyrinth of curiosity, where you'll find everything from Mr. Bean air fresheners to vintage ceramic Chewbacca plates ($75) to edible rose petals and loose-leaf tea collections (about $12.50 for three-to-four-ounce tins or bags). Trinkets and oddments aside, the Olfactory carries a vast collection of European chocolates and old-fashioned candies, as well as plenty of past-century toys such as puppets and wooden Czech playthings. But these purveyors of fine goods frequently change their inventory. So although you can always expect to find knickknacks of all sorts, you never really know what treasures you'll stumble upon next.

Putting a word like "genius" right there in the name of your shop is a bold maneuver, but for a decade, Genius Jones has been living up to its moniker by stocking products that make Miami parents' jaws drop in amazement. The philosophy at this Design District shop is that kids' products can be both functional and beautiful. Take, for instance, the sleek white "Elephant" crib ($718): This modern piece can be assembled in ten minutes (take that, IKEA!), and when you don't need it, it can be easily disassembled and stored in small spaces. When you stare at the strollers (which range from $470 to $,1399), you'll wonder when this high level of technology came to the baby genre. But don't quake at the learning curve, because the employees are experts when it comes to demonstrating how to use the gear. Genius Jones is also a great place to find out-of-the-box baby gifts such as onesies with slogans such as "my mommy has more tattoos than your mommy," and "#dontdropme," which cost $24 each. And though the goods are for children, adults will definitely have more fun shopping here. It's truly genius.

With 30 years of retail greatness, this family-owned-and-operated boutique is no secret. Yet there are still those among us in Miami who have never experienced the sheer bliss of finding the perfect retro bathing suit or vintage hat. At Miami Twice, you can feast your eyes on the fashionable finds from all the best-dressed eras the modern world has ever known. Why go to that '20s-themed party in a cheap, tacky flapper getup from a chain costume outlet when you can grab a fringed frock and elbow-length gloves that will last longer than that Halloween hangover? The best kind of costume is the one that doubles as actual streetwear, and we all know the '60s will never go out of style. If you're looking for something "now," the front of Miami Twice comes stocked with airy designs every lady should own. In the middle, you can find retro items — things that look old but are actually new — and the back holds all of the real vintage gems. We don't know who the connect is, but Miami Twice has the finest and most enviable collection of garments we've ever seen. Besides the clothes, there are sunglasses, accessories, purses, shoes, corsets, knickknacks, sewing machines, boas, scarves, and even vinyl records if you need some mood music to go with that magical gown. The quality of everything is outstanding, and there's a classic costume section for those looking for a more traditional Halloween feel. But we say go all out and do it right. This isn't Forever 21, so expect to pay realistic vintage prices. Fortunately, Miami Twice has a layaway program if your wallet screams at your costume's cost.

Don't be deceived by the small size of the Bazaar Project — this Design District boutique's inventory is huge and packed with treasures that'll make the perfect gift. Yeliz Titiz, the owner and designer of the jewelry line Sura (which is sold here), is an avid traveler with an eye for unique art, fashion, technology, and home items. You'll find plenty of evil-eye charms from her native Turkey, including a large glass aqua version ($62) that makes for a distinctive wall hanging. Decorative throw pillows by French artist Alexandre MS ($90 to $175) are a stunning combination of photography and interior design. He takes photos of various scenes of beaches, mountains, and other locales and then prints the images on pillows for a unique statement look. Whether your budget is $30 or $300, Titiz's globetrotting stash of curiosities ensures you won't leave empty-handed or disappointed.

Even though it happened more than three decades ago, the sad truth is that far too many Miamians who aren't in the know hear "Dadeland Mall" and think of the infamous 1979 Cocaine Cowboys shootout in the food court. That's tragic, because these days, Dadeland Mall is one of the finest retail establishments not only in Miami-Dade but also in the nation. Get yourself lookin' fresh at the state's largest Macy's, grab some high-end electronics at the Apple or Microsoft store, and chow down at the Cheesecake Factory or the new Aoki Teppanyaki. In the newly completed south wing, a slew of fresh options includes Tesla Motors, Fit 2 Run, Porsche Design, Urban Outfitters, Bobby's Burger Palace, Aroma Espresso Bar, and the mall's latest edition, Texas de Brazil. There's luxury galore for the high-rollin' set and myriad mall favorites like Spencer's for the rest of us. With 166 stores and a constant rotation of special events, there's always something to see and do. Being a mall rat has never been better.

Readers' choice: Aventura Mall

Miami and Versace are as cosmically linked as any designer and any city on Earth. True, the label's founder, Gianni Versace, is Italian by birth. But it was Miami where he found his muse and made his legend with a beachside villa — and an infamous death at the hands of a serial killer on Ocean Drive. So it's no wonder that the outlet of Versace Home that opened in the Design District last year is the best embodiment of both the town and the designer: rich fabrics, gilded woods, ceramic leopards, and inconceivably elegant leather couches. It's as if a Jennifer Lopez red-carpet dress exploded and reformed itself into furniture. In short, it's the perfect Miami aesthetic, a deep commitment to classic gaudy that hints at self-awareness. The pieces are all so expensive that Versace Home doesn't even bother with price tags (if you have to ask the price, you can't afford it), but a trip to the store is worth an hour or so of your afternoon anyway. There's something sublime about ogling the furniture of the ultra-rich, and Versace Home is as escapist as it gets.

That gaping, empty space on the west side of your living room has been taunting you for months: "Fill me," it says. "Fill me." Don't panic. Even if you're light in the wallet, there's a place where you can peruse acres of Lucite coffee tables, fly '80s lamps, retro-chic couches, and every other home decor you can imagine — most of it priced under a couple hundred bucks. That's thanks to the good people at the Miami Jewish Health Systems Thrift Store (once known as the Douglas Gardens Thrift Store), a mainstay for five decades in Brownsville. Items are almost always in near-perfect condition, and delivery costs only a small fee. Plus, those dollars you drop are for a good cause: Profits go toward charitable missions at the Miami Jewish Health Systems.

Between Amazon undermining brick-and-mortar book shops and major chains like Borders giving up the ghost, you might be tempted to think the era of bookstores is behind us. You'd be wrong. Bookstores aren't dead. They just need a little tweaking. A greater sense of community, perhaps, and a lower price point — starting at free maybe? And hey, a few boozy beverages on the side couldn't hurt. That's the model of Bookleggers, a monthly get-together that gathers book lovers to swap their tomes in fun locations around Miami. Founder Nathaniel Sandler (an occasional New Times contributor) calls it a "community mobile library," offering one free book to first-timers. But any good dealer will tell you the first taste is always free; once hooked, voracious readers will return again and again with books from their own libraries to trade for new-to-them novels — or, failing that, with cold hard cash. (You can buy a book for $2 at any Bookleggers get-together.) Bookleggers pop-up locations are all part of the fun. Its second anniversary was a cultural affair at Downtown Art Space; bars such as Gramps and the Broken Shaker have hosted other appearances; and for the O, Miami festival this year, it set up shop at Collins Park so readers could bring their dogs along for the ride. Try having that much fun clicking around Amazon.

twitter.com/bookleggers

Readers' choice: Books & Books

Like other postal locations, the lines are long and the pens mysteriously disappear from the counters at the Miami Beach Post Office. But instead of having to endure petulant eye-rolling and foot-tapping in line, customers can enjoy awe-inspiring art deco design. The symmetrical, cylindrical structure and large, rectangular windows are characteristic of post-Depression-era style. Inside, the forest-green art on the ceiling makes everyone glance up upon arrival (don't trip on the inoperable fountain in the middle). Along the back wall that houses the P.O. boxes, three New Deal murals, painted by artist Charles Hardman in 1940, depict Spanish conquistadors like Ponce de León and de Soto fighting Floridian tribes. Yeah, you can get your stamps here, but this post office is more like a free museum than a government agency.

For most Miamians, photography has become synonymous with selfies. Aim, filter, upload, and — bam — you're a portrait-maker! But some people, like the staff at WorldWide Foto, still hold the art and practice of photography sacred. Open in Miami since 1978, WorldWide Foto is like taking a trip to those hallowed pre-Instagram days. The no-frills store is stocked with vintage cameras and digital devices, and it's a go-to for film enthusiasts. In fact, it's one of the very few places in Miami to buy different film for that Pentax or Yashica, plus developers, toners, fixers, and other supplies. If by chance WorldWide Foto doesn't carry a certain product, the knowledgeable staff goes above and beyond to find and order it for you. They can handle questions from experienced photographers, and although it's frequented by professionals, the company fosters photography interest at all skill levels with its friendly, welcoming attitude. If you don't know how to use that charger, filter, or even video tools, you can bring in your own equipment to ask questions. Unlike shopping online, WorldWide Foto allows you to try out its equipment before buying. And though you might get that film processed cheaper at a Walmart lab, places like those don't know squat about photography. Log off Instagram for a minute, grab that Nikon, and learn something about real photography at WorldWide Foto.

The hardest part about working from home is being stuck in the same residential box day in and day out. Sometimes you need to break free, but it's difficult to find the right spot to muscle through the day's to-dos. Coffee shops are full of overcaffeinated blabbers screaming into their cell phones, and restaurants do their best to hustle you away from your table to keep customers rolling in. At the newest outlet of the Café at Books & Books, situated amid the inspiring architecture of the Adrienne Arsht Center for the Performing Arts, none of those concerns applies. It's a restaurant, true, but it's also a bookstore. Thinking, working, creating, and meeting like-minded individuals is encouraged and celebrated here. You can sit inside and enjoy the A/C, or head to the back patio for a table, some of which even have electrical sockets right next to them — score! If you get hungry, there's a great menu of food, teas, and coffees to keep you going through the hours. Need a break? Peruse the captivating literature selections, relax in a comfy chair, and waste a few hours in the latest Murakami. The good folks at Books & Books simply want you to enjoy the space, and that's something any laptop lackey can appreciate.

The only thing radder than Team Iguana Sports' logo — a totally gnarly, ripped green lizard dude shredding on a board — is the selection of mountain and road bikes priced to hit the road around $700 and up. This shop on the northern edge of Miami Beach is jam-packed with custom-painted skateboard decks and neon accessories, pro-quality bike shoes and helmets, and racks and racks full of cycles. Whether you're looking for a bike to get you to Publix and back or you're plotting a course through the French Alps, Team Iguana has you covered. The biggest attraction of all, though, is the shop's owner: Ron is the definition of cycling passion, an idiosyncratic big-talker who loves nothing more than telling tales from the road and getting you ready for your own bike adventures.

Readers' choice: Mack Cycle & Fitness

It takes a certain amount of confidence to dub your car wash simply "The Car Wash." Not Miami Car Wash. Not Shiny Wheels. Not Old Joe's Soapy Auto Emporium. Just The Car Wash. It implies you might as well be the only car wash in town, the only car wash people will ever need. For a decade, The Car Wash has been just that to its legions of customers. The lines of cars regularly seen under its familiar purple canopy attest to that. A conveyor glides vehicles through a touchless automatic wash, which features windows so you can keep an eye on your ride, and then efficient employees detail them outside by hand. Guests, meanwhile, can wait inside a clean, air-conditioned café adorned with the artwork of Stephen Gamson while enjoying coffee, juices, snacks, and free Wi-Fi. The best part is that this wash won't break the bank. Basic service starts at just $10, and specialty options such as leather cleaning and seat shampooing are available at affordable prices.

You're on your way to a friend's house for a little get-together. You're bumping tunes and feeling good, but you gotta stop at the gas station right quick. You've got three-quarters of a tank in your ride, and your friend riding shotgun is all, "What's the deal, bro?" Clearly, your friend has never been to Coral Gate Mobil before. It's cool. Tell your friend to take a deep breath as you walk through the doors and into the most exciting gas-station shopping experience of your life. Need beer for the party? Why not impress the guests with something from this one-stopper's extensive selection of craft and local brews, maybe Oberon or Terrapin, Santo or Cuvée des Trolls. Did your host ask you to pick up some noms? Tear your head away from the fine wines and order something from the in-house organic deli offering scrumptious and nutritious sandwiches for $7.99. Screw it — you might as well pick up a fresh, cold-pressed juice ($8.99) while you're at it, or a smoothie, or some boxed water, or some quinoa snacks. Um, dude, is this still a gas station? It must be. There's a groovy car wash outside, and people are pumping gas. Who would have ever guessed all of this was in here?

Readers' choice: Europa Car Wash & Cafe Chevron

Tony Saladrigas is the kind of guy every car owner wishes he knew. Just west of downtown, the 55-year-old Cuban American runs a Meineke garage, which he bought 12 years ago. If your brakes are squeaky or don't work correctly, he'll fix 'em — and take half off the cost of the brake shoes and pads when you print out the coupon. He can repair almost any problem with any car — except maybe a Lamborghini — or refer you to the right alternative. And he can do it fast. For a regular oil change, Tony or one of his three co-workers will have you out in just 15 or 20 minutes. The cost is only $29.95. Most comforting of all, he's a mechanic you can trust. And that's about as easy to find in Miami as a needle in a snowbank. The shop is open from 7:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Friday; Saturday hours are 7:30 a.m. to 4 p.m.

The rides are killer, but this is a limo company: You already knew it'd be rocking some sweet wheels. What makes Majestic Limousines a cut above the rest are the men and women who pilot those rides. Their kind, professional, and in-the-know demeanor makes these drivers perfect for handling grade-A celebrity clients (like Madonna, who they say they picked up during her last visit to the Magic City) or just you and your friends when a special event arises. Based in the breathtaking Biltmore Hotel, Majestic Limousines is ready and willing to escort you around town and even point out a few landmarks. Need a car for a wedding? Corporate or business event? Heading in or out of the airport? Just want to show off that big promotion or milestone birthday? Call for a free quote or check one of the special offers online. Cars are available in as little as one to two hours, and payments can be made conveniently online. Rides are made hourly or as directed in everything from a Lincoln Town Car to a Mercedes-Benz, Cadillac sedan, Suburban, or, of course, plenty of stretch limos. You can even go all out with a Hummer limo, but at that point, maybe just get the minibus. Hummers start at $175 per person per hour, and regular stretch limos come in at $95 per person per hour.

Amid the constant construction, the traffic chaos, and the fast-paced power lunchers stands one of Miami's littlest pet shops — StarDog — where the benefits are anything but small. Established in 2011, StarDog is a family-owned dog specialty store packed with high-quality organic and all-natural foods (they've got cats covered too). Though plenty of Miami stores cater to organic food preferences, StarDog matches them in selection and beats them in both price and service. The shop carries dry, canned, raw, and freeze-dried food and treats from brands like Acana, Orijen, Earthborn, Stella & Chewy's, and others at decent prices. A 16-pound bag of Stella & Chewy's freeze-dried duck dinner patties costs $28.50 — a full eight bucks cheaper than the nearest competitor we could find. Adding to StarDog's cost-effective appeal is free same-day delivery to Brickell, downtown, midtown, and Coconut Grove — available on all orders placed before 8 p.m. Shoppers also have access to trusted supplements, dental care items, grooming products, and flea and tick controllers. The store is stocked with dog outfits and toys as well (as any Miami shop should be), but more important, StarDog has a friendly, knowledgeable staff — including its hands-on owner — ready to answer questions and help you make the best choices for your pet.

It's not often you run into someone with a Southern accent in Miami, which is ironic considering geographically we're about as Southern as it gets without sailing into Key West. But Dr. Steve Woodby isn't your average resident of the 305. He's all about common sense, charming colloquialisms, and a refreshing restraint with the prescription pad. Growing up on an East Tennessee farm, he decided at the tender age of 6 to become a vet. Fast-forward to now, and he's been healing dogs, cats, rabbits, ferrets, and other critters in South Florida for more than three decades. He's reasonable, realistic, and totally honest, which are key factors when dealing with your beloved fur kids. Unlike other vets, he won't overprescribe, overbill, or overreact, and that's a combo you're not likely to find elsewhere.

Cage-free ain't just for chickens. If your vacation is plagued by pet-abandonment guilt, there's an Old West-style oasis where Fido can feel at home on the range. Dog Dude Ranch removes the typical isolation that comes with boarding, beginning with a doggie meet-and-greet to determine which group is best for your pooch based on size, age, and temperament. Once dogs are grouped, they get to go hog-wild on more than two acres of private, fully fenced land in Miami-Dade's horse country. At the ranch, mutts enjoy hours of socializing, exercise, and play with their fellow canines, all without fear of too much Miami heat and sun. Shaded spaces are abundant, plus mist sprayers and wading pools provide a cool, wet diversion. Plus, whether it's playtime or naptime, dedicated "rangers" keep an eye on all the animal friends, which include chickens, horses, cats, and even a potbellied pig. When your bud is dog-tired from all the fun, he has the option to sleep with others or alone in the climate-controlled stables, where classical music keeps everyone relaxed. Dog Dude Ranch is open seven days a week, even on holidays, and offers a pet shuttle service for pick-up and drop-off weekdays at Bayfront Park. Boarding, including daycare, costs $40 per 24 hours or $50 if you'd like your dog to have a private room. Several add-on options are also offered — 30-minute one-on-one personal playtime ($15), 30-minute long-hair coat brushing ($10), and a flea/tick bath (if seen on arrival, $15), though a departure bath ($15) is mandatory. Your dog will most likely be crazily happy and covered in mud, after all. As for grub, you can get Dog Dude Ranch food for $2 per meal, or you can stick with your dog's own food served per your instructions. Medical services are also available if needed, and the ranch welcomes everyone, from tiny teacups to seniors and pups with special needs. If you're still unsure about enrolling your best friend in this doggie summer camp, you can bring him in for a free meet-and-greet sniff session and even a free day of daycare by signing up online.

You know that old saying "If you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas"? Well, it's especially true in Miami in the summertime. And you don't want to find yourself lying next to Fluffy and watching those vermin leap off his fur into your bed. Luckily, the Pet Mode is here to help. Less like a dog groomer and more like a quaint little fur salon, the Pet Mode will have your Chihuahua that likes to roll in cat poop smelling like the princess you want her to be. Got a poodle that looks like a sheep? Pet Mode will shear him down to a respectable pedigree worthy of a seat at any Parisian bistro. They even groom cats, so when Mr. Winkle is keeping you awake choking on hairballs, take him in and they'll fix him right up. Baths start at $30 — a small price to pay when you think that creature is sharing your bed at night. The Pet Mode also does doggie-sitting and overnight boarding — in case you need some alone time with another biped. Of course, a clean dog needs a bunch of accessories, so peruse the boutique for a good selection of everything from beds to treats to blinged-out collars.

Some people can see into your soul and know everything about you without ever having spoken to you before. Things like your relationship with your estranged father, or the family heirloom you recently got that has a mystical history. Alexis Reyes is one of those people. Believe it. She's been clairvoyant since childhood and later found her life purpose: helping others see what they cannot see for themselves. That's a feat she attempts ten times a day (her strict limit on how many appointment she'll book). For $60, you get unlimited access to her powers for an hour. Think you can stump Reyes? Unlikely. Police have even sought her help with disappearing acts (not the magical kind). Remember the young woman who went missing during Art Basel 2014? Reyes had a hand in uncovering her whereabouts. No crystal balls or gimmicks here. Just you, a deck of Spanish-language cards, and your spirit entourage that Reyes communicates with to let you in on what they're not sharing.

The French know romance. They also know chocolat et vin. So it was entirely à propos when Frenchmen and restaurateurs Cory Finot and Claude Postel, the duo that's also behind Buena Vista Deli and Buena Vista Bistro, opened Buena Vista Chocolate & Wine in 2013. This NE Second Avenue shop's bonbon cases are filled with saffron-infused and merengue-topped chocolates made according to ancient family recipes inherited from Postel's ancestors, who once crafted candy for the kings and queens of France. However, it is the 100 or so bouteilles de vin lining the store's shelves that les ivrognes chics would call dessert. Some shoppers might complain about the limited selection, but Finot and Postel have conscientiously created a collection of fine French and American wines — Bordeaux, Merlots, Cabernet Sauvignons, Pinot Gris, Sauvignon Blancs, champagnes — for either after-work sipping, dinnertime drinking, or pairing avec les chocolats. And unlike a lot of other booze boutiques, Buena Vista has decent prices. Get a bottle a day starting at $10 or quelque chose de spécial for $400. Oh, and Buena Vista Chocolate & Wine is open late, till just two hours before minuit. You know, in case of an unexpected rendezvous romantique.

Hall and Oates. Guava paste and pastelitos. Little Havana and cigars. Some pairs are just natural. All it takes is a quick cruise on SW Eighth Street to see why that last marriage has been so enduring, and nowhere is the love affair more evident than at Top Cigars. Here, the wooden shelves are lined bottom to top with boxes of rolled tobacco — whether you're into maduros or claros or prefer toro over robusto, Top Cigars has options for days. Next to the storefront window stands a domino table whose every seat is occupied by someone clacking down tiles while rolling fresh stogies. Ah, it smells and sounds like home. The average cigar costs about $10, and if paying in cash, you can usually negotiate a deal.

Readers' choice: Little Havana Cigar Factory

You've socked away some money and rebuilt your credit after spending like Paris Hilton on a bender in your younger days. You've even decided Miami is where you want to put down roots. Congratulations — you're officially a grownup. So prove it. Buy a house. Here's the catch: The rest of the world is also looking, and many of these people have a cool million in cash. Foreign buyers have driven up the cost of housing in Miami. This has made the Beach impossible, Coconut Grove impenetrable, and Brickell laughable (that's the bank laughing — not you — when you tell them you want a mortgage on a $500,000 one-bedroom on your $40,000 salary). Are your dreams of house parties and gardening shattered forever? Should you move to (gasp) Broward? There is one option: El Portal. This tiny village that covers a canopied swath of land from 85th to 90th Street just west of Biscayne Boulevard has a history that dates back to the 1500s (yes, the 1500s!) and was incorporated in 1937. Lush with 75-year-old oak trees and native plants, the town has about a thousand single-family houses and bungalows. There's a nature trail, a Tequesta Indian mound, and peacocks. Chances are you'll share your backyard with butterflies, blue jays, and raccoons. In the evening, a walk through the Sherwood Forest section is accompanied by a chorus of frogs, geckos, and night birds. It's just like Coconut Grove — without the astounding price tag. The current average sold home price is $323,557, according to Realtor.com. That means you can get a house for the price of a condo in other parts of Miami. Add the fact that the neighboring MiMo District is on an upswing, with restaurants like the Vagabond and Loba opening and Phuc Yea moving in, and you have a home you can afford in a neighborhood on the way up. Don't thank us for the real-estate tip. Just invite us to the housewarming party.