Sports & Recreation

Greynolds has received a bum rap in recent years. True, its once-teeming bird rookery has fallen victim to marauding raccoons, feral cats, and extensive development near park boundaries. Yet this park/golf course/ picnic ground is still a magnificent oasis from hectic urban life. Dirt and paved trails meander through oak and palmetto stands. Wooden bridges cross over water and red mangroves. You can view fish jumping, birds feeding, and kids flying kites here. A large playground and a stone fort on a hill are great diversions for small children. Adults can stroll the grounds and enjoy a natural serenity all-too-often forsaken in modern living.

It's been a strange morning. The kids are bored with their video games. In fact they're bored with everything. You're about to tell them to go out and play on the expressway. You feel as though you're a candidate for the funny farm. Well, why not go to one and take the kids along? Patch o' Heaven is a twenty-acre spread where owner Elaine Spear has been breeding goats, cows, deer, sheep, and emus, among other animals, since 1983. She's also devoted to providing children with an opportunity to pet and otherwise get personal with the creatures. She offers pony rides and two hayrides per day through fields that are scattered with deer and emu. Kids fraternize with ducks, geese, turkeys, parrots, pygmy goats, key deer, and some local celebrities such as Bernina Banana Capucha the monkey and Tiffany the dancing cockatoo. The patch is open Tuesdays through Sundays from 11:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Admission is $8.50 per person or six dollars a head for student groups if you call in advance. Huddle with your gaggle and quack at the ducks. It just might keep you from quacking up.

Here you are, jammed into overdeveloped, thickly congested, air-polluted Miami, raging at the idiots around you and choking on the toxic fumes of urban life. There it is, the outback, where porpoises frolic in the shimmering flow and hawks soar against the glow of the cirrostratus. You can get there from here. First pack up your camping gear, some food and beverage, your favorite bug repellent. Next drive south to Flamingo, where the park rents canoes ($40 overnight). Reserve one of the chickees or space at the other campsites (about ten dollars in season, free during late spring and summer) along the clearly marked mangrove-lined trail leading to nirvana. Then begin paddling. Hell's Bay is heavenly, like Florida before freeways, one of the last refuges for nature lovers, a place where you can awaken to a dawn bristling with color and life (devoid of those darn humans). Be aware that canoeing this route is not an endeavor of sissies: Hell's Bay is a narrow, twisting half-day paddle from Flamingo. That's what it takes to get from Miami to paradise these days.

Feel free to frolic like the mythical gods and their favorite mortals in the Elysian Fields at Fairchild Tropical Garden. These 83 acres of tropical botanical rarities provide a delightful backdrop for your meal: flowering trees, palms, mangroves, bamboos, and vines. Throw down a blanket and become enchanted by a giant African baobab tree. Relax in the cool, moist rain forest or feast on fresh fruit near the still waters of a lily pond. A couple of caveats: 1) No grills allowed; and 2) No Dionysian-style debauchery -- kids are a common sight here. The garden is open from 9:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. and admission is eight dollars. There's no charge for children twelve years old and under. Tread lightly and don't wake the gods.

The hotshots are playing on this court, running the floor like gazelles, connecting on impossible alley-oop passes, and nailing honey-sweet jumpers that would impress even Tim Hardaway. But the action isn't quite as intense just one court over, where some tykes are swarming around a bouncing ball, occasionally heaving shots that barely reach the rim, and drawing proud applause from a few moms on the sideline. Every day at Cagni, from sunup until 10:30 p.m. when the park closes, you see the kids, the superstars, and everybody in-between. So come one, come all. Whether you want to measure your skills against some of the best playground competition in Miami or you're just looking for a way to shed those extra pounds, these four courts are the spot for you. Excellent lighting and a helpful park staff keep the peace. It's safe and fun for the whole family at this little slice of hoops heaven.

Once among the sports of the affluent, tennis still evokes images of manicured grass courts, sparkling white togs, and exclusive racquet clubs. But the era of starchy tennis "whites" is long gone. These days tennis is being embraced by the common man. And when the common man has laid out a hefty sum for a sophisticated titanium racquet that's supposed to improve his game exponentially, he wants a lot of choice and a great deal. At the Sans Souci Tennis Center in North Miami, that's what he'll get. A dozen well-maintained hard courts (and one clay court) provide a pick of surfaces available from 8:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. on weekdays and from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. on weekends. Those who can't tell the difference between forehand and backhand can take group or individual lessons from several pros. And loners who want to work on their serve have the option of whacking balls on a two-sided practice wall. All this comes for the pittance of $2.50 per hour during the day and $4.50 per hour at night, or $1 and $2 respectively for North Miami residents. First-class facilities for ordinary folks.

Ever since Cloverleaf Lanes opened in 1958, the scuffed Lustre King custom ball conditioner has been sitting there next to the cranky Art Deco vending machine that dispenses wrist supports, rosin bags, and tinfoil packets of Smooth Slide, which is guaranteed to fix sticky soles. And then y'got'chur baggies full of cracked ice floating in a thousand pitchers of beer. Y'got'chur teams of hair-netted cooks all dressed up like frazzled Little League mothers, slapping fresh meat patties on a grill, slicing tomatoes, and building $2.95 burger baskets. Y'got'chur Hank Williams, Jr., sharing jukebox real estate in the Emerald Isle Bar with Lauryn Hill and various hip-hop crews. There's also karaoke on Fridays and Saturdays. Y'got'chur pool tables, your arcade, and your video games that pay off in Bowling Bucks, which buy anything on the premises except booze and tobacco. Y'got'chur 37th Annual Tournament of the Americas scheduled for August, featuring bowlers from as many as 26 countries. They'll compete for trophies, not cash. Y'got'chur 50 lanes, all nicely rebuilt in 1997, and fancy graphics that keep your score and even show you how to make your split. And you can get your ball drilled at the pro shop.

But what you've really got is a community atmosphere full of cheerful, sweaty camaraderie that fits as comfortably as an old bowling glove. The Romaniks , who bought the place in 1977, encourage a friendly, family- run atmosphere. It's a good advertisement for Miami: a peaceful ethnic stew where everyone is shooting either for a place on the south wall's Hall of Fame or for one of those plaques scattered hither and yon that honor both living and dead local bowlers.

As a life form, humans have the singular advantage of experiencing wonderment. No, we can't flap our wings and soar into the great beyond. But we can imagine what it must be like. Thus great bird watching should combine two elements: one, the spiritual elevation of vicarious adventure, and two, birds. The well-worn Anhinga Trail, a wooden walkway stilted above the swamplands of the Taylor Slough, has oft been cited as the most reliable spot to spot the usual South Florida favorites: the gnarly, snail-eating swimmers called limpkin; the ubiquitous nonpasserine namesake anhinga; the underwater-hunting cormorants; a variety of members of the ardeidae family including the great blue heron (the largest local heron) and the virginal snowy egret; red-shouldered hawks; vultures; plus common passerines such as grackles and blackbirds. Visiting the trail at the right time (weekdays just before dawn are best) helps facilitate the experience. The crowds are thin then, allowing space for your spiritual transformation into winged freedom. While tripping thusly, just be careful not to step on any alligators.

Some intransigent people are of the unwavering belief that a genuine day trip requires meticulous planning down to the last detail. For them a complete change in scenery from one's everyday surroundings is in order. We're a little more relaxed. A leisurely drive is nice. So is an alternate ambiance. But we aren't particularly enamored of rigid schedules. We prefer an unhurried, casual outing like Biscayne National Park's three-hour boat tour to Boca Chita Island, which is offered from January to April for a mere $19.95 plus tax ($9.95 for kids under ten years old). In the early afternoon, you and 47 other adventurers will zoom off in a glass-bottom boat to the 32-acre island. Owned by the wealthy Honeywell family from 1937 to 1945, it was recently listed on the National Register of Historic Places. Once you disembark a guide will chat about the history of the onetime playground for the moneyed set, that still includes ten structures built in the Thirties, coral-rock walls, and a cute but useless 65-foot coral-rock lighthouse. After all that structured activity, you're free to roam, snap photos, picnic, or just hang out. (If you dock your own boat on the key, you can camp overnight, but the facilities are rather austere.) After your brief, invigorating visit to a quieter place in time, you'll be ready to hop back into your car and return to hectic civilization.

Motorists speeding eastward on Gratigny Parkway might not know that behind the wall of pine trees to their right, mountain bikers are hard at work. If you bring your stump-jumper there, you'll find a frondescent labyrinth winding through the woods on the park's northern edge (or "undeveloped" side, as county employees call it). The course isn't hilly, much less mountainous, but it does have a sufficient number of drops and curves over coral rock and through dense flora to provide a distinctly South Floridian challenge. Maybe we should call it jungle biking. The foliage is tunnel-like in places, so don't forget to duck! The course is home turf of the twenty-member South Florida Dirt Dobbers racing team, which hosted the second round of the recent Sandblaster Mountain Bike series.

Tourist: "What's the name of that there river?" Local guy: "Pardner, that there's no river. That's a canal." Tourist: "Well, it sure in hell looks like the gol dang Mississippi." It's true. South of Florida City, a stretch of the C-111 canal does resemble a river. It even bends and flows alongside a dusty, unpaved road. Several years ago the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers tore down the C-111's earthen walls as part of an effort to restore the natural flow of the Everglades. That opened up quite a vista. The fourteen-mile, canalside pathway is called the Southern Glades Trail and it's the newest installment of the South Dade Greenway Network. Bordering farmland and saw grass expanses, it connects to three other paths that were created by the Redland Conservancy. The Southern Glades Trail has two starting points. One of them is about twelve miles south of Florida City, where U.S. 1 crosses over the C-111 canal. The other is on State Road 9336, about a mile east of the Everglades National Park entrance. You can travel on foot or horse, but we suggest biking. That way you can cover ground more quickly and likely see more wildlife. Local guy: "That there's no cute little beaver. That there's an alligator head."

After fighting traffic, crowds, and auto exhaust while pedaling through the urban jungle, you'll be rewarded with a new perspective on the city. Perhaps the best route for such a point-of-view shift starts near the Rickenbacker Causeway tollbooth. Leave your car there and head back to South Dixie Highway, then go north. Detour on SE Fifteenth Street to Brickell Bay Drive. Take a left, follow it back to Brickell Avenue, and cross the Miami River. Take the bayfront sidewalk next to the Dupont Plaza Hotel and follow it to Bayside. Work your way back to Biscayne Boulevard and continue north to the I-395 on-ramp. Use the sidewalk and the emergency lane to cross the MacArthur Causeway into South Beach. Your reward: one beer. Remember, it's a roundtrip.

You would think Miami's ample public space near the shoreline and constant easterly breeze would make kite flying as popular as Rollerblading on South Beach. Well, maybe not. But some think it's hip to sail the winds with cloth and string. A few of these aviators/eccentrics can be found showing off their kaleidoscopic flights-of-fancy Sundays on the beach at Crandon; some are employees and customers of Sky Dancers, a kite shop in Coconut Grove. Besides sending aloft their rainbow-color wonders, which come in shapes ranging from a parrot to a cube, they are also willing to share a trade secret or two with novices. Some day soon this could become Miami's next big fad, as cool as Rollerblading on South Beach. Okay, maybe not.

Its location is a study in contrasts. The hut that serves as the office neighbors the Crandon Marina boat ramp. Clean sailboats, ranging from 22 to 25 feet, are dwarfed by humongous powerboats that slide from their trailers into the water. As the wind-driven craft languish, high-pitched outboards burn fossil fuel and make waves on their way to Biscayne Bay. But to seasoned sailors, the differences serve as a noisy reminder of the therapeutic qualities of their avocation. And there's a bonus: The location allows sailors to reach the shadow of the Miami skyline in less than fifteen minutes. Rates start at $27 per hour; daylong cruises go for $129 and up. Weekend packages are also offered. Basic sailing knowledge is, of course, required. And that means more than identifying port and starboard. If you don't know more, lessons are available beginning at $35 per hour.

For four bucks you can tee off at one of the swankiest clubs in South Florida. Of course for that price you have to confine your backswing to the driving range. Or you can get really fancy and splurge for a big bucket of balls, which costs seven dollars. If that's a little steep for your working-stiff budget, check out the charge for parking: free if you avoid the valet service. Then again, considering the fortune you're saving by not joining Doral, why not hire a fellow working stiff to park your car? As you head to the range, swagger like the elite. In fact swagger more than the elite. They pay $200 ($250 in winter) a pop to play eighteen holes on the Blue Monster, the most prestigious of Doral's four courses.

After a $3.9 million renovation, International Links has easily become one of South Florida's premier public golf courses. Reopened in October 1997, it is becoming incredibly popular, thanks in no small part to the redesign of several holes, most notably number four. A monstrous par five (608 yards from the black tees, 585 from the gold, 574 from the blue, and 536 from the white), the fourth hole features a split fairway. Golfers can opt for the left fork, which runs safe but long. Or they can drive down the right side, which gets them to the hole more quickly -- only if they stay away from the six fairway bunkers that protect the hole like a father chaperoning his daughter on prom night. Then there's the green: 41 yards long and 24 yards wide, which makes for a lot of long putting and sometimes an even longer afternoon.

The mini-golf at Malibu is good. If you choose the path that leads to the castle, it's particularly fun. Then there are the batting cages, go-carts, video games, and greasy pizza. Taken as a full-day adventure, it all adds up to a rollicking good time. Want to try another location? Forget about it! Malibu doesn't really have any competition south of Grand Prix Race-O-Rama in Broward. Its only peers in Miami-Dade are, to be honest, pretty darn sad. Memo to the powers that be: More mini-golf, pleeze!

As you set out across the glassy shallows of Biscayne Bay toward the mangrove-covered humps dotting the horizon, you'll know why we continue to choose this spot for superlative snorkeling. Because the place is a national park, boat traffic and commercial activity are limited. The reefs have flourished. Tangerine-color clown fish, spectral triggerfish, and barracuda, are abundant. The snorkeling boat, run by a Hollywood company called Divers Unlimited, leaves once per day at 1:30 p.m. (For scuba divers another departs weekdays at 9:00 a.m. and weekends at 8:30 a.m.) The snorkeling trips return about 4:30 p.m. The cost of $27.95 includes rental of all equipment: mask, snorkel, safety vest, and fins.

This trail system lies in the park's Long Pine Key area, which is not a key at all. It's a wooded swath of land about two miles west of the park entrance near Homestead. The terrain here is among the most varied in the Everglades. The pines are vestiges of the woods that covered South Florida long ago. There are also hardwood hammocks, saw grass prairie, restored agricultural lands, and three small lakes. The main axis of the 43-mile network of hiking paths is the Long Pine Key Trail, where bikes are also allowed. If solitude is what you seek, take one of the offshoots. Trailheads are located at the Royal Palm Visitor Center, the Long Pine Key picnic area (about six miles from the main entrance), and at four points along the main park road.

The tall, menacing black fence stretches a long eight blocks, protecting one of this area's loveliest and best-maintained stretches of beach. At the 85th Street entrance, pay a dollar entry fee (this is a state park after all), traipse through the gate, and behold the leafy sea-grape trees, which provide refreshing shelter from the sweltering South Florida sun. Walk a few feet up the path and fire up one of the many barbecue grills. Continue a few more feet and devour your carcinogenic grub under a roofed picnic pavilion. If you refuse to walk, then run. Take a brisk jog on the Vita course. After you've cooked, eaten, or perspired, hop on the creaky boardwalk and follow the crashing sound of the waves to the inviting ocean. Behold the clean white beach, the refreshing sea, and a minimum of preening naked people.

Most Florida International University students leave campus from Friday to Sunday, which makes the place perfect for strapping on a pair of blades. Concrete was king back in the late Sixties and early Seventies when FIU was built, so there are long walkways and spacious courtyards that provide plenty of room to gain momentum. Marathoners can circle the sprawling property, which covers twenty city blocks. It's not as trendy as the Beach, but parking is easy, space is abundant, and there is no gawking audience to witness your spectacular tumbles.

Surfing in Miami? Yes, occasionally we are blessed with a rideable swell here in the land of flat seas. While our Californian, Hawaiian, and Australian counterparts search for that ever-elusive perfect wave, we spend our winters hoping and praying for a set, any rideable set. Please God, let there be a cold front! Let there be a hurricane! Let there be any sort of natural phenomenon that brings us waves! It doesn't matter how disastrous to the city, state, or continent, please! When Miami surfers' prayers are answered, the beach at First Street by Penrod's is the place to go. A few days out of the year a clean, crisp five-to-seven-foot swell that rivals a good day at San Diego's Pacific Beach pier hits First Street. Although waves occasionally break off the jetty by Harbor House on 97th and Collins, they are usually smaller and sloppier. If you are a die-hard surfer with transportation and an open schedule, head north to the Delray pier, Spanish River Beach in Boca Raton, or the Lake Worth pier. Or make a weekend trip up to Sebastian Inlet, Florida's most notorious surf spot and home to several world-class pros, including ex-Baywatch heartthrob Kelly Slater.

Canter. Jog. Trot. Okay, ready to really run? This is the path of South Florida marathoners: from Parrot Jungle north along Red Road to the footbridge, then east to Old Cutler Road, north a few miles (yes, a few miles) to Cartagena Plaza, then east almost to the water, north through Coconut Grove. Take a deep breath and follow Bayshore Drive to the Rickenbacker Causeway. The route is refreshingly scenic, backdropped by some of South Florida's most regal architecture and splendid flora, including air-cleansing and gorgeous banyans, ficus, and royal poinciana. The course is competitive, but there are enough drinking fountains to keep everybody hydrated. The best time to go: early Saturday morning, when the kind souls at FootWorks prepare icy coolers of water just northeast of Cocoplum.

Forget about chasing manatees. Skip drenching sunbathers with a watery rooster tail from the rear of your personal watercraft. And don't even think of awakening Star Island residents with that wonderful buzzing sound. All that is kid stuff. You need to take Jet Skiing to a higher level. Get out there at the mouth of Government Cut and boogie with the big boys: the cruise ships, tugboats, and speedy outboards. In 1905, when dredgers carved out the shipping lane that today parallels the MacArthur Causeway, they had no idea they had created a formidable Jet Skiing arena. But these days things have taken a turn for the fast. There's always a lot of challenging chop where the cut meets the sea (cruise ships make relatively small, though jumpable, waves). And there's a steady supply of adoring fans on the ocean liners and fishing piers. Half the fun of Jet Skiing is showing off, right?

Before tree huggers and other nature lovers quashed plans for an overseas highway down the center of Elliott Key in the late Sixties, developers bulldozed a six-lane-wide opening. When the dust settled, the key emerged as part of Biscayne National Monument, which Congress reclassified as a national park in 1980. In the years since, managers of this offshore Eden have allowed the foliage to reclaim all but one unpaved lane, which now forms a seven-mile trail. There's also a one-mile loop that slices through the hammock and turns into a boardwalk with an ocean view. If you take either path between April and June, try to spy an endangered Schaus's swallowtail butterfly along with the usual herons, egrets, warblers, and hawks. Or bring your snorkel and check out the rays, sea grass, and sea cucumbers. The best way to get to Elliot Key, unfortunately, is by private boat. The park service's boat concessionaire will take you roundtrip from the Convoy Point Visitor Center on SW 328th Street and Biscayne Bay for $21 per person, but only if you stay overnight and make reservations well in advance. Park authorities recommend avoiding the island during the summer because of mosquitoes and other insects.

There isn't much on South Beach to interest eight-year-olds. Nor is there anything constructive for your teenager to do. What to do then with the young ones when you're hankering for adults-only strolling, shopping, or lunching? The answer lies at the Scott Rakow center. It is a virtual summer camp where, for only three dollars on weekdays or six dollars on weekends (half price for Beach residents), fourth- to twelfth-graders can frolic. Among the diversions: ice-skating, swimming, bowling, basketball, and Ping-Pong. Qualified counselors provide supervision. On Sunday children of any age (including those over eighteen) can enjoy the activities. Hours are weekdays from 2:30 till 7:30 p.m.; Saturdays from 9:00 a.m. till 7:00 p.m., and Sundays from 11:00 a.m. till 7:00 p.m. A warning: Convincing the kids to leave may be difficult.

There's something to be said for regression. When (and if) a person reaches a certain age, he or she likely begins re-enacting youthful behaviors: hanging out with the gang, playing some game or another, or killing time before time kills them. Shuffleboard, the civil sport of the retirement set, perfectly suits this enterprise, reinvigorating the mind, body, and soul. All of which is fine for the geezers of Broward, where disk-shoving can still be found on land (there's a tournament in Hollywood and courts at dozens of condos). But in all of South Florida, there is only one court maker and only one retailer of cues. Susie Day of Hollywood's Beach-O-Rama, the equipment seller, sums it up: "It's a small, little market." With the graying of America, it's about time to resurrect the dying pastime outside the world of Fort Lauderdale fogies. The best bet, if you're not just being childish and really want to get into a game of skill, fun, and patience that isn't golf, is a cruise. Most major cruise ships have shuffleboard courts where you can soak up the sun and breathe sea air while showing your stroke to a broad demographic cross section. Travel agents recommend Carnival, which has thirteen ships, all with shuffleboard. Most other major liners also feature courts. (Beware day trips like Discovery; most do not offer the venerable game.) There's one catch, though. It ain't cheap. The most affordable rate on a three-day Carnival trip runs upward of $400 per person.

Nestled along the banks of the Miami River, this remote, ten- acre park is eerily enticing. Strange artifacts leave you wondering what the designers had in mind. Concrete steps that seemingly belonged to the front porch of a house now lead to nothing; multicolor pillars stand erect on a slab of concrete; a sidewalk begins and ends in the middle of nowhere. Only the gently flowing river, the beautiful hammock, and the coconut palm clusters make sense. This is a wonderful place to sip iced tea and lounge on a hot summer afternoon.

Miami mayhem got you feeling like a wreck? Then why not take a flying leap? We've got just the place: Fowey Rocks, about six miles southeast of the southern tip of Key Biscayne on the Gulf Stream's edge. A lighthouse atop a 110-foot iron frame tower, built by U.S. soldiers in 1878, helps cargo ship captains avoid the shallow spot. Unfortunately the beacon wasn't around when the British battleship H.M.S. Fowey scraped bottom there in 1748 and sank just to the south. But if you can find a pleasure boat or a willing sailor, head straight for the submerged rocks; it's easy to drop anchor there. Once you arrive you'll find a twenty-foot-tall platform, which once served as an access dock for the lighthouse keeper. Dive in, drift over to the metal ladder attached to the platform, and climb up. At the summit you can put your family, your job, and your world into perspective. You think your life is hectic? Gaze eastward over the water and contemplate the Mexican sailors whose tanker was torpedoed by a German U-boat near here during World War II. Then put your worries behind you, leap into the void, and scream as loud as you want on the way down. (Don't worry, the water is deep enough.)

So you like to drop your top when you sunbathe, but you hate the drooling idiots who eye your bare chest as if they were schoolboys. Or maybe the plethora of plastic surgery-enhanced breasts get to you. Well, if either of the above is a problem, the beach between Fourteenth and Fifteenth streets is for you. No, we cannot promise there won't be ogling perverts or young women with ample melons, but this stretch of sand is relatively calm, uncrowded, and surgery-less. Tucked between hotel/condo row and the SoBe promenade of perfection, the area seems to draw more tourists than locals and more genuine beach-lovers than participants in the tiresome beauty scene. So relax, bare your chest, and be confident that not only will you go home sans tan line, but also sans body-image complex.

Despite the fact that he's been flying people up, up, and away in his beautiful balloons for the past 30 years, Don Caplan says matter-of-factly that South Florida is not a very good place for such activity; it's too windy, the weather is unpredictable, and mornings are usually the only time calm enough to launch. Caplan, owner of Balloonport of Coconut Grove, is one of a small number of loyal hot-air balloon captains for hire in Miami-Dade. Year after year they wake at the crack of dawn and put up with quirky weather patterns and demanding customers for an hour of magic. And what magic it is. Using the winds to take you into birds' territory, succumbing to invisible forces, you will experience flight in intimate, low-tech fashion. This Memorial Day weekend Caplan and about 30 others will take customers skyward at the Homestead Air Reserve Station in the Spitzer Dodge Sixteenth Annual Great Sunrise Balloon Race (a misnomer, as the balloons don't really race, they compete for accuracy in reaching a target). According to Caplan the past three years have provided unusually good weather. The event benefits Sunrise Community, a nonprofit organization for people with disabilities. For details call the race hotline at 305-275-3317. If you're willing to shell out about $200 to ascend 1500 feet in a wicker basket propelled by gigantic flames that shoot into a canvas balloon, you'll get the closest thing to a magic carpet ride this side of sobriety; if not, you can watch the colorful spectacle from the ground, where you belong.

The choice is obvious. Players at this sun-splashed location spike and set in a beach-volleyball paradise. Their bare feet sink deep into soft white sand while an endless parade of beautiful people ride, stride, and roll past to the west. Just beyond this pulchritudinous procession are some of the world's most photographed bars and cafés. And over the dunes to the east lies a fantastically wide ribbon of topless beach. The best in town? How about on the planet.

So okay, residents of other cities can criticize Miami for its lack of cosmopolitan cultural events, poor public transportation, and corrupt politicos. But when it comes to natural resources, other urban centers don't even come close. One shining example is Matheson Hammock Park's atoll pool, an eco-friendly swimming hole that puts chlorinated concrete boxes to shame. The atoll pool is actually a saltwater pond flushed by the tidal movement of adjacent Biscayne Bay. Surrounded by a pristine, palm-shaded beach, and blessed with a breathtaking bay view, it's a great place for just about everybody. Mothers like to bring their young children here because of its calm waters, which also make the pool perfect for lap-swimming. And it's cheap, only $3.50 per carload to enter the park. On weekends visitors can eat at the coral rock Red Fish restaurant or grab a hot dog from the snack-bar window, then settle in for some sunbathing. Take a dip in this pool on a hot day, lay back in the sand, and you'll definitely be glad you live in Miami.

Three floors of bright, airy exercise rooms chock full of equipment make this gym the county's top workout spot. An overabundance of stationary bikes and weight machines means there's rarely a delay to start sweating. Although it's located just a block from Ocean Drive, this is more than just a backdrop for Lycra-clad beautiful people with water bottles and towels around their necks: It's a mecca for the aerobically inclined. One significant perk is free parking. There are neither tip-crazy valets nor meters. And there's not one, but two lots. All classes, including spinning, yoga, kickboxing, tae kwon do, and more, are free to members. The locker rooms are clean, spacious, and include steam rooms. XS is open Monday through Friday from 6:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m., Saturday from 8:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m., and Sunday from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.

It's been a strange morning. The kids are bored with their video games. In fact they're bored with everything. You're about to tell them to go out and play on the expressway. You feel as though you're a candidate for the funny farm. Well, why not go to one and take the kids along? Patch o' Heaven is a twenty-acre spread where owner Elaine Spear has been breeding goats, cows, deer, sheep, and emus, among other animals, since 1983. She's also devoted to providing children with an opportunity to pet and otherwise get personal with the creatures. She offers pony rides and two hayrides per day through fields that are scattered with deer and emu. Kids fraternize with ducks, geese, turkeys, parrots, pygmy goats, key deer, and some local celebrities such as Bernina Banana Capucha the monkey and Tiffany the dancing cockatoo. The patch is open Tuesdays through Sundays from 11:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. Admission is $8.50 per person or six dollars a head for student groups if you call in advance. Huddle with your gaggle and quack at the ducks. It just might keep you from quacking up.

Here you are, jammed into overdeveloped, thickly congested, air-polluted Miami, raging at the idiots around you and choking on the toxic fumes of urban life. There it is, the outback, where porpoises frolic in the shimmering flow and hawks soar against the glow of the cirrostratus. You can get there from here. First pack up your camping gear, some food and beverage, your favorite bug repellent. Next drive south to Flamingo, where the park rents canoes ($40 overnight). Reserve one of the chickees or space at the other campsites (about ten dollars in season, free during late spring and summer) along the clearly marked mangrove-lined trail leading to nirvana. Then begin paddling. Hell's Bay is heavenly, like Florida before freeways, one of the last refuges for nature lovers, a place where you can awaken to a dawn bristling with color and life (devoid of those darn humans). Be aware that canoeing this route is not an endeavor of sissies: Hell's Bay is a narrow, twisting half-day paddle from Flamingo. That's what it takes to get from Miami to paradise these days.

Greynolds has received a bum rap in recent years. True, its once-teeming bird rookery has fallen victim to marauding raccoons, feral cats, and extensive development near park boundaries. Yet this park/golf course/ picnic ground is still a magnificent oasis from hectic urban life. Dirt and paved trails meander through oak and palmetto stands. Wooden bridges cross over water and red mangroves. You can view fish jumping, birds feeding, and kids flying kites here. A large playground and a stone fort on a hill are great diversions for small children. Adults can stroll the grounds and enjoy a natural serenity all-too-often forsaken in modern living.

Feel free to frolic like the mythical gods and their favorite mortals in the Elysian Fields at Fairchild Tropical Garden. These 83 acres of tropical botanical rarities provide a delightful backdrop for your meal: flowering trees, palms, mangroves, bamboos, and vines. Throw down a blanket and become enchanted by a giant African baobab tree. Relax in the cool, moist rain forest or feast on fresh fruit near the still waters of a lily pond. A couple of caveats: 1) No grills allowed; and 2) No Dionysian-style debauchery -- kids are a common sight here. The garden is open from 9:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. and admission is eight dollars. There's no charge for children twelve years old and under. Tread lightly and don't wake the gods.

The hotshots are playing on this court, running the floor like gazelles, connecting on impossible alley-oop passes, and nailing honey-sweet jumpers that would impress even Tim Hardaway. But the action isn't quite as intense just one court over, where some tykes are swarming around a bouncing ball, occasionally heaving shots that barely reach the rim, and drawing proud applause from a few moms on the sideline. Every day at Cagni, from sunup until 10:30 p.m. when the park closes, you see the kids, the superstars, and everybody in-between. So come one, come all. Whether you want to measure your skills against some of the best playground competition in Miami or you're just looking for a way to shed those extra pounds, these four courts are the spot for you. Excellent lighting and a helpful park staff keep the peace. It's safe and fun for the whole family at this little slice of hoops heaven.

Once among the sports of the affluent, tennis still evokes images of manicured grass courts, sparkling white togs, and exclusive racquet clubs. But the era of starchy tennis "whites" is long gone. These days tennis is being embraced by the common man. And when the common man has laid out a hefty sum for a sophisticated titanium racquet that's supposed to improve his game exponentially, he wants a lot of choice and a great deal. At the Sans Souci Tennis Center in North Miami, that's what he'll get. A dozen well-maintained hard courts (and one clay court) provide a pick of surfaces available from 8:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. on weekdays and from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m. on weekends. Those who can't tell the difference between forehand and backhand can take group or individual lessons from several pros. And loners who want to work on their serve have the option of whacking balls on a two-sided practice wall. All this comes for the pittance of $2.50 per hour during the day and $4.50 per hour at night, or $1 and $2 respectively for North Miami residents. First-class facilities for ordinary folks.

Ever since Cloverleaf Lanes opened in 1958, the scuffed Lustre King custom ball conditioner has been sitting there next to the cranky Art Deco vending machine that dispenses wrist supports, rosin bags, and tinfoil packets of Smooth Slide, which is guaranteed to fix sticky soles. And then y'got'chur baggies full of cracked ice floating in a thousand pitchers of beer. Y'got'chur teams of hair-netted cooks all dressed up like frazzled Little League mothers, slapping fresh meat patties on a grill, slicing tomatoes, and building $2.95 burger baskets. Y'got'chur Hank Williams, Jr., sharing jukebox real estate in the Emerald Isle Bar with Lauryn Hill and various hip-hop crews. There's also karaoke on Fridays and Saturdays. Y'got'chur pool tables, your arcade, and your video games that pay off in Bowling Bucks, which buy anything on the premises except booze and tobacco. Y'got'chur 37th Annual Tournament of the Americas scheduled for August, featuring bowlers from as many as 26 countries. They'll compete for trophies, not cash. Y'got'chur 50 lanes, all nicely rebuilt in 1997, and fancy graphics that keep your score and even show you how to make your split. And you can get your ball drilled at the pro shop.

But what you've really got is a community atmosphere full of cheerful, sweaty camaraderie that fits as comfortably as an old bowling glove. The Romaniks , who bought the place in 1977, encourage a friendly, family- run atmosphere. It's a good advertisement for Miami: a peaceful ethnic stew where everyone is shooting either for a place on the south wall's Hall of Fame or for one of those plaques scattered hither and yon that honor both living and dead local bowlers.

As a life form, humans have the singular advantage of experiencing wonderment. No, we can't flap our wings and soar into the great beyond. But we can imagine what it must be like. Thus great bird watching should combine two elements: one, the spiritual elevation of vicarious adventure, and two, birds. The well-worn Anhinga Trail, a wooden walkway stilted above the swamplands of the Taylor Slough, has oft been cited as the most reliable spot to spot the usual South Florida favorites: the gnarly, snail-eating swimmers called limpkin; the ubiquitous nonpasserine namesake anhinga; the underwater-hunting cormorants; a variety of members of the ardeidae family including the great blue heron (the largest local heron) and the virginal snowy egret; red-shouldered hawks; vultures; plus common passerines such as grackles and blackbirds. Visiting the trail at the right time (weekdays just before dawn are best) helps facilitate the experience. The crowds are thin then, allowing space for your spiritual transformation into winged freedom. While tripping thusly, just be careful not to step on any alligators.

Some intransigent people are of the unwavering belief that a genuine day trip requires meticulous planning down to the last detail. For them a complete change in scenery from one's everyday surroundings is in order. We're a little more relaxed. A leisurely drive is nice. So is an alternate ambiance. But we aren't particularly enamored of rigid schedules. We prefer an unhurried, casual outing like Biscayne National Park's three-hour boat tour to Boca Chita Island, which is offered from January to April for a mere $19.95 plus tax ($9.95 for kids under ten years old). In the early afternoon, you and 47 other adventurers will zoom off in a glass-bottom boat to the 32-acre island. Owned by the wealthy Honeywell family from 1937 to 1945, it was recently listed on the National Register of Historic Places. Once you disembark a guide will chat about the history of the onetime playground for the moneyed set, that still includes ten structures built in the Thirties, coral-rock walls, and a cute but useless 65-foot coral-rock lighthouse. After all that structured activity, you're free to roam, snap photos, picnic, or just hang out. (If you dock your own boat on the key, you can camp overnight, but the facilities are rather austere.) After your brief, invigorating visit to a quieter place in time, you'll be ready to hop back into your car and return to hectic civilization.

Motorists speeding eastward on Gratigny Parkway might not know that behind the wall of pine trees to their right, mountain bikers are hard at work. If you bring your stump-jumper there, you'll find a frondescent labyrinth winding through the woods on the park's northern edge (or "undeveloped" side, as county employees call it). The course isn't hilly, much less mountainous, but it does have a sufficient number of drops and curves over coral rock and through dense flora to provide a distinctly South Floridian challenge. Maybe we should call it jungle biking. The foliage is tunnel-like in places, so don't forget to duck! The course is home turf of the twenty-member South Florida Dirt Dobbers racing team, which hosted the second round of the recent Sandblaster Mountain Bike series.

Tourist: "What's the name of that there river?" Local guy: "Pardner, that there's no river. That's a canal." Tourist: "Well, it sure in hell looks like the gol dang Mississippi." It's true. South of Florida City, a stretch of the C-111 canal does resemble a river. It even bends and flows alongside a dusty, unpaved road. Several years ago the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers tore down the C-111's earthen walls as part of an effort to restore the natural flow of the Everglades. That opened up quite a vista. The fourteen-mile, canalside pathway is called the Southern Glades Trail and it's the newest installment of the South Dade Greenway Network. Bordering farmland and saw grass expanses, it connects to three other paths that were created by the Redland Conservancy. The Southern Glades Trail has two starting points. One of them is about twelve miles south of Florida City, where U.S. 1 crosses over the C-111 canal. The other is on State Road 9336, about a mile east of the Everglades National Park entrance. You can travel on foot or horse, but we suggest biking. That way you can cover ground more quickly and likely see more wildlife. Local guy: "That there's no cute little beaver. That there's an alligator head."

After fighting traffic, crowds, and auto exhaust while pedaling through the urban jungle, you'll be rewarded with a new perspective on the city. Perhaps the best route for such a point-of-view shift starts near the Rickenbacker Causeway tollbooth. Leave your car there and head back to South Dixie Highway, then go north. Detour on SE Fifteenth Street to Brickell Bay Drive. Take a left, follow it back to Brickell Avenue, and cross the Miami River. Take the bayfront sidewalk next to the Dupont Plaza Hotel and follow it to Bayside. Work your way back to Biscayne Boulevard and continue north to the I-395 on-ramp. Use the sidewalk and the emergency lane to cross the MacArthur Causeway into South Beach. Your reward: one beer. Remember, it's a roundtrip.

You would think Miami's ample public space near the shoreline and constant easterly breeze would make kite flying as popular as Rollerblading on South Beach. Well, maybe not. But some think it's hip to sail the winds with cloth and string. A few of these aviators/eccentrics can be found showing off their kaleidoscopic flights-of-fancy Sundays on the beach at Crandon; some are employees and customers of Sky Dancers, a kite shop in Coconut Grove. Besides sending aloft their rainbow-color wonders, which come in shapes ranging from a parrot to a cube, they are also willing to share a trade secret or two with novices. Some day soon this could become Miami's next big fad, as cool as Rollerblading on South Beach. Okay, maybe not.

Its location is a study in contrasts. The hut that serves as the office neighbors the Crandon Marina boat ramp. Clean sailboats, ranging from 22 to 25 feet, are dwarfed by humongous powerboats that slide from their trailers into the water. As the wind-driven craft languish, high-pitched outboards burn fossil fuel and make waves on their way to Biscayne Bay. But to seasoned sailors, the differences serve as a noisy reminder of the therapeutic qualities of their avocation. And there's a bonus: The location allows sailors to reach the shadow of the Miami skyline in less than fifteen minutes. Rates start at $27 per hour; daylong cruises go for $129 and up. Weekend packages are also offered. Basic sailing knowledge is, of course, required. And that means more than identifying port and starboard. If you don't know more, lessons are available beginning at $35 per hour.

For four bucks you can tee off at one of the swankiest clubs in South Florida. Of course for that price you have to confine your backswing to the driving range. Or you can get really fancy and splurge for a big bucket of balls, which costs seven dollars. If that's a little steep for your working-stiff budget, check out the charge for parking: free if you avoid the valet service. Then again, considering the fortune you're saving by not joining Doral, why not hire a fellow working stiff to park your car? As you head to the range, swagger like the elite. In fact swagger more than the elite. They pay $200 ($250 in winter) a pop to play eighteen holes on the Blue Monster, the most prestigious of Doral's four courses.

After a $3.9 million renovation, International Links has easily become one of South Florida's premier public golf courses. Reopened in October 1997, it is becoming incredibly popular, thanks in no small part to the redesign of several holes, most notably number four. A monstrous par five (608 yards from the black tees, 585 from the gold, 574 from the blue, and 536 from the white), the fourth hole features a split fairway. Golfers can opt for the left fork, which runs safe but long. Or they can drive down the right side, which gets them to the hole more quickly -- only if they stay away from the six fairway bunkers that protect the hole like a father chaperoning his daughter on prom night. Then there's the green: 41 yards long and 24 yards wide, which makes for a lot of long putting and sometimes an even longer afternoon.

The mini-golf at Malibu is good. If you choose the path that leads to the castle, it's particularly fun. Then there are the batting cages, go-carts, video games, and greasy pizza. Taken as a full-day adventure, it all adds up to a rollicking good time. Want to try another location? Forget about it! Malibu doesn't really have any competition south of Grand Prix Race-O-Rama in Broward. Its only peers in Miami-Dade are, to be honest, pretty darn sad. Memo to the powers that be: More mini-golf, pleeze!

As you set out across the glassy shallows of Biscayne Bay toward the mangrove-covered humps dotting the horizon, you'll know why we continue to choose this spot for superlative snorkeling. Because the place is a national park, boat traffic and commercial activity are limited. The reefs have flourished. Tangerine-color clown fish, spectral triggerfish, and barracuda, are abundant. The snorkeling boat, run by a Hollywood company called Divers Unlimited, leaves once per day at 1:30 p.m. (For scuba divers another departs weekdays at 9:00 a.m. and weekends at 8:30 a.m.) The snorkeling trips return about 4:30 p.m. The cost of $27.95 includes rental of all equipment: mask, snorkel, safety vest, and fins.

This trail system lies in the park's Long Pine Key area, which is not a key at all. It's a wooded swath of land about two miles west of the park entrance near Homestead. The terrain here is among the most varied in the Everglades. The pines are vestiges of the woods that covered South Florida long ago. There are also hardwood hammocks, saw grass prairie, restored agricultural lands, and three small lakes. The main axis of the 43-mile network of hiking paths is the Long Pine Key Trail, where bikes are also allowed. If solitude is what you seek, take one of the offshoots. Trailheads are located at the Royal Palm Visitor Center, the Long Pine Key picnic area (about six miles from the main entrance), and at four points along the main park road.

The tall, menacing black fence stretches a long eight blocks, protecting one of this area's loveliest and best-maintained stretches of beach. At the 85th Street entrance, pay a dollar entry fee (this is a state park after all), traipse through the gate, and behold the leafy sea-grape trees, which provide refreshing shelter from the sweltering South Florida sun. Walk a few feet up the path and fire up one of the many barbecue grills. Continue a few more feet and devour your carcinogenic grub under a roofed picnic pavilion. If you refuse to walk, then run. Take a brisk jog on the Vita course. After you've cooked, eaten, or perspired, hop on the creaky boardwalk and follow the crashing sound of the waves to the inviting ocean. Behold the clean white beach, the refreshing sea, and a minimum of preening naked people.

Most Florida International University students leave campus from Friday to Sunday, which makes the place perfect for strapping on a pair of blades. Concrete was king back in the late Sixties and early Seventies when FIU was built, so there are long walkways and spacious courtyards that provide plenty of room to gain momentum. Marathoners can circle the sprawling property, which covers twenty city blocks. It's not as trendy as the Beach, but parking is easy, space is abundant, and there is no gawking audience to witness your spectacular tumbles.

Surfing in Miami? Yes, occasionally we are blessed with a rideable swell here in the land of flat seas. While our Californian, Hawaiian, and Australian counterparts search for that ever-elusive perfect wave, we spend our winters hoping and praying for a set, any rideable set. Please God, let there be a cold front! Let there be a hurricane! Let there be any sort of natural phenomenon that brings us waves! It doesn't matter how disastrous to the city, state, or continent, please! When Miami surfers' prayers are answered, the beach at First Street by Penrod's is the place to go. A few days out of the year a clean, crisp five-to-seven-foot swell that rivals a good day at San Diego's Pacific Beach pier hits First Street. Although waves occasionally break off the jetty by Harbor House on 97th and Collins, they are usually smaller and sloppier. If you are a die-hard surfer with transportation and an open schedule, head north to the Delray pier, Spanish River Beach in Boca Raton, or the Lake Worth pier. Or make a weekend trip up to Sebastian Inlet, Florida's most notorious surf spot and home to several world-class pros, including ex-Baywatch heartthrob Kelly Slater.

Canter. Jog. Trot. Okay, ready to really run? This is the path of South Florida marathoners: from Parrot Jungle north along Red Road to the footbridge, then east to Old Cutler Road, north a few miles (yes, a few miles) to Cartagena Plaza, then east almost to the water, north through Coconut Grove. Take a deep breath and follow Bayshore Drive to the Rickenbacker Causeway. The route is refreshingly scenic, backdropped by some of South Florida's most regal architecture and splendid flora, including air-cleansing and gorgeous banyans, ficus, and royal poinciana. The course is competitive, but there are enough drinking fountains to keep everybody hydrated. The best time to go: early Saturday morning, when the kind souls at FootWorks prepare icy coolers of water just northeast of Cocoplum.

Forget about chasing manatees. Skip drenching sunbathers with a watery rooster tail from the rear of your personal watercraft. And don't even think of awakening Star Island residents with that wonderful buzzing sound. All that is kid stuff. You need to take Jet Skiing to a higher level. Get out there at the mouth of Government Cut and boogie with the big boys: the cruise ships, tugboats, and speedy outboards. In 1905, when dredgers carved out the shipping lane that today parallels the MacArthur Causeway, they had no idea they had created a formidable Jet Skiing arena. But these days things have taken a turn for the fast. There's always a lot of challenging chop where the cut meets the sea (cruise ships make relatively small, though jumpable, waves). And there's a steady supply of adoring fans on the ocean liners and fishing piers. Half the fun of Jet Skiing is showing off, right?

Before tree huggers and other nature lovers quashed plans for an overseas highway down the center of Elliott Key in the late Sixties, developers bulldozed a six-lane-wide opening. When the dust settled, the key emerged as part of Biscayne National Monument, which Congress reclassified as a national park in 1980. In the years since, managers of this offshore Eden have allowed the foliage to reclaim all but one unpaved lane, which now forms a seven-mile trail. There's also a one-mile loop that slices through the hammock and turns into a boardwalk with an ocean view. If you take either path between April and June, try to spy an endangered Schaus's swallowtail butterfly along with the usual herons, egrets, warblers, and hawks. Or bring your snorkel and check out the rays, sea grass, and sea cucumbers. The best way to get to Elliot Key, unfortunately, is by private boat. The park service's boat concessionaire will take you roundtrip from the Convoy Point Visitor Center on SW 328th Street and Biscayne Bay for $21 per person, but only if you stay overnight and make reservations well in advance. Park authorities recommend avoiding the island during the summer because of mosquitoes and other insects.

There isn't much on South Beach to interest eight-year-olds. Nor is there anything constructive for your teenager to do. What to do then with the young ones when you're hankering for adults-only strolling, shopping, or lunching? The answer lies at the Scott Rakow center. It is a virtual summer camp where, for only three dollars on weekdays or six dollars on weekends (half price for Beach residents), fourth- to twelfth-graders can frolic. Among the diversions: ice-skating, swimming, bowling, basketball, and Ping-Pong. Qualified counselors provide supervision. On Sunday children of any age (including those over eighteen) can enjoy the activities. Hours are weekdays from 2:30 till 7:30 p.m.; Saturdays from 9:00 a.m. till 7:00 p.m., and Sundays from 11:00 a.m. till 7:00 p.m. A warning: Convincing the kids to leave may be difficult.

There's something to be said for regression. When (and if) a person reaches a certain age, he or she likely begins re-enacting youthful behaviors: hanging out with the gang, playing some game or another, or killing time before time kills them. Shuffleboard, the civil sport of the retirement set, perfectly suits this enterprise, reinvigorating the mind, body, and soul. All of which is fine for the geezers of Broward, where disk-shoving can still be found on land (there's a tournament in Hollywood and courts at dozens of condos). But in all of South Florida, there is only one court maker and only one retailer of cues. Susie Day of Hollywood's Beach-O-Rama, the equipment seller, sums it up: "It's a small, little market." With the graying of America, it's about time to resurrect the dying pastime outside the world of Fort Lauderdale fogies. The best bet, if you're not just being childish and really want to get into a game of skill, fun, and patience that isn't golf, is a cruise. Most major cruise ships have shuffleboard courts where you can soak up the sun and breathe sea air while showing your stroke to a broad demographic cross section. Travel agents recommend Carnival, which has thirteen ships, all with shuffleboard. Most other major liners also feature courts. (Beware day trips like Discovery; most do not offer the venerable game.) There's one catch, though. It ain't cheap. The most affordable rate on a three-day Carnival trip runs upward of $400 per person.

Nestled along the banks of the Miami River, this remote, ten- acre park is eerily enticing. Strange artifacts leave you wondering what the designers had in mind. Concrete steps that seemingly belonged to the front porch of a house now lead to nothing; multicolor pillars stand erect on a slab of concrete; a sidewalk begins and ends in the middle of nowhere. Only the gently flowing river, the beautiful hammock, and the coconut palm clusters make sense. This is a wonderful place to sip iced tea and lounge on a hot summer afternoon.

Miami mayhem got you feeling like a wreck? Then why not take a flying leap? We've got just the place: Fowey Rocks, about six miles southeast of the southern tip of Key Biscayne on the Gulf Stream's edge. A lighthouse atop a 110-foot iron frame tower, built by U.S. soldiers in 1878, helps cargo ship captains avoid the shallow spot. Unfortunately the beacon wasn't around when the British battleship H.M.S. Fowey scraped bottom there in 1748 and sank just to the south. But if you can find a pleasure boat or a willing sailor, head straight for the submerged rocks; it's easy to drop anchor there. Once you arrive you'll find a twenty-foot-tall platform, which once served as an access dock for the lighthouse keeper. Dive in, drift over to the metal ladder attached to the platform, and climb up. At the summit you can put your family, your job, and your world into perspective. You think your life is hectic? Gaze eastward over the water and contemplate the Mexican sailors whose tanker was torpedoed by a German U-boat near here during World War II. Then put your worries behind you, leap into the void, and scream as loud as you want on the way down. (Don't worry, the water is deep enough.)

So you like to drop your top when you sunbathe, but you hate the drooling idiots who eye your bare chest as if they were schoolboys. Or maybe the plethora of plastic surgery-enhanced breasts get to you. Well, if either of the above is a problem, the beach between Fourteenth and Fifteenth streets is for you. No, we cannot promise there won't be ogling perverts or young women with ample melons, but this stretch of sand is relatively calm, uncrowded, and surgery-less. Tucked between hotel/condo row and the SoBe promenade of perfection, the area seems to draw more tourists than locals and more genuine beach-lovers than participants in the tiresome beauty scene. So relax, bare your chest, and be confident that not only will you go home sans tan line, but also sans body-image complex.

Despite the fact that he's been flying people up, up, and away in his beautiful balloons for the past 30 years, Don Caplan says matter-of-factly that South Florida is not a very good place for such activity; it's too windy, the weather is unpredictable, and mornings are usually the only time calm enough to launch. Caplan, owner of Balloonport of Coconut Grove, is one of a small number of loyal hot-air balloon captains for hire in Miami-Dade. Year after year they wake at the crack of dawn and put up with quirky weather patterns and demanding customers for an hour of magic. And what magic it is. Using the winds to take you into birds' territory, succumbing to invisible forces, you will experience flight in intimate, low-tech fashion. This Memorial Day weekend Caplan and about 30 others will take customers skyward at the Homestead Air Reserve Station in the Spitzer Dodge Sixteenth Annual Great Sunrise Balloon Race (a misnomer, as the balloons don't really race, they compete for accuracy in reaching a target). According to Caplan the past three years have provided unusually good weather. The event benefits Sunrise Community, a nonprofit organization for people with disabilities. For details call the race hotline at 305-275-3317. If you're willing to shell out about $200 to ascend 1500 feet in a wicker basket propelled by gigantic flames that shoot into a canvas balloon, you'll get the closest thing to a magic carpet ride this side of sobriety; if not, you can watch the colorful spectacle from the ground, where you belong.

The choice is obvious. Players at this sun-splashed location spike and set in a beach-volleyball paradise. Their bare feet sink deep into soft white sand while an endless parade of beautiful people ride, stride, and roll past to the west. Just beyond this pulchritudinous procession are some of the world's most photographed bars and cafés. And over the dunes to the east lies a fantastically wide ribbon of topless beach. The best in town? How about on the planet.

So okay, residents of other cities can criticize Miami for its lack of cosmopolitan cultural events, poor public transportation, and corrupt politicos. But when it comes to natural resources, other urban centers don't even come close. One shining example is Matheson Hammock Park's atoll pool, an eco-friendly swimming hole that puts chlorinated concrete boxes to shame. The atoll pool is actually a saltwater pond flushed by the tidal movement of adjacent Biscayne Bay. Surrounded by a pristine, palm-shaded beach, and blessed with a breathtaking bay view, it's a great place for just about everybody. Mothers like to bring their young children here because of its calm waters, which also make the pool perfect for lap-swimming. And it's cheap, only $3.50 per carload to enter the park. On weekends visitors can eat at the coral rock Red Fish restaurant or grab a hot dog from the snack-bar window, then settle in for some sunbathing. Take a dip in this pool on a hot day, lay back in the sand, and you'll definitely be glad you live in Miami.

Three floors of bright, airy exercise rooms chock full of equipment make this gym the county's top workout spot. An overabundance of stationary bikes and weight machines means there's rarely a delay to start sweating. Although it's located just a block from Ocean Drive, this is more than just a backdrop for Lycra-clad beautiful people with water bottles and towels around their necks: It's a mecca for the aerobically inclined. One significant perk is free parking. There are neither tip-crazy valets nor meters. And there's not one, but two lots. All classes, including spinning, yoga, kickboxing, tae kwon do, and more, are free to members. The locker rooms are clean, spacious, and include steam rooms. XS is open Monday through Friday from 6:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m., Saturday from 8:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m., and Sunday from 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.