Stalking Kanye West at Art Basel: Kendrick Lamar, SZA, and Lots of Naked Chicks

Last night was supposed to be a night full of celebrity stalking and creeping. We donned our camouflage gear and headed to Wynwood in hopes of catching a glimpse of an earthly god: Yeezus.

Yesterday, we told you that if you didn't see Mr. West last night, you weren't trying hard enough. But this morning, we're here to tell you that we tried, and failed - miserably.

According to a press release we received about a Flaunt magazine event, it stated that Kanye West would "participate in the performance" of performing artist and stage designer Vanessa Beecroft. We took the word "participate" to translate to "will be present at the performance," but as it seems, West's name was only attached to the project as a collaborator.

Turns out, we had our name on the wrong list. Kanye did appear in Wynwood last night, just not as advertised at MANA or for Flaunt magazine. He did, however, show up for Surface magazine's Design Dialogues, where he reportedly told the audience things like "Contrary to popular belief, I'm not in touch with my femininity," and "When I was in art school I would paint music because I could see it."

He also reportedly shmoozed with art collective FriendsWithYou, formerly of Miami, which already counts Pharrell Williams and Tyler the Creator among its friends:

We can't wait to see what a Yeezy/FriendsWithYou collaboration looks like.

Meanwhile, instead of seeing Kanye, we saw some total Nymphomaniac type stuff. Cement heads were placed in an open area of the MANA warehouse, and at 9 p.m. (two hours after the event was originally scheduled to begin), about 30 naked women covered in cement emerged. A few were wearing masks over their heads, and the rest had cement all over them, from their hair down to their toes.

Nothing was left to the imagination as the women stood there for hours. Beecroft is known for her eccentric performing style, and she often uses naked women in her pieces. Beecroft is known as a "performing artist," but the only moment she appeared with the other women was to huned in front of them and pose for pictures. Then she GTFO while the women stayed standing. Perhaps, at some point, she herself has gotten naked and covered in cement, but at last night's performance, she did not.

By 10 p.m. there was still no sign of Kanye, so we decided to make our way to the other side of the MANA Wynwood complex and get ready for the Kendrick Lamar concert. Surely Kanye might appear on stage and share the spotlight with Kendrick, right? Wrong. Meanwhile, Lamar's performance was scheduled for 10 p.m., but then it was pushed back until midnight, and then again until even later (typical Miami), so for the sake of journalism (and possibly snagging a shot of the object of our evening's affection), we soldiered on and waited.

Meanwhile, Kimye was far away across the bay, headed to a party at the Delano:

In the end, our dancing shoes burned out and we failed in our not-so-secret mission of stalking Kanye West. All we saw instead was a bunch of naked ladies covered in cement and a brief performance by Lamar's label-mate, SZA.

We'll get you next year, Kanye.

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