Culture

"Selfie Toaster" Lets You Eat Yourself

Remember when a piece of toast that vaguely resembled the Virgin Mary sold on eBay for $28,000? Here's some news that might make you nostagic for those days: A company in Vermont is selling personalized toaster that'll burn your selfie into a piece of bread.

That means it's only a matter of time before one of your friends "ironically" orders one. This is, after all, the city that set a Guinness World Record for selfies just a few short months ago.

See also: Miami Breaks the Guinness World Record of Most Selfies Taken in One Hour

Burnt Impressions, the company selling the toasters, was essentially born out of WTF news stories like the Virgin Mary toast -- they sell a toaster that'll create your own Virgin Mary replica. They also sell "Jesus toasters" and "rapture toasters" that depict souls floating up to heaven.

Now, they've moved on to a theme that everyone can find offensive, regardless of religion: selfies.

"You don't have to be famous or Jesus to have your face on toast!" the website exclaims. "Give us a high rez [sic] photo of a face or pet and let our toast engineers create fun breakfast memories!"

In a way, putting your photo on food is the logical conclusion of selfie culture; devouring yourself is the ultimate expression of both the narcissism and self-loathing that accompany each self-taken snapshot.

But eating your pets? That's messed up, bro.

The selfie toaster sells for $75. For that price, selfie savants, you better love charred bread as much as you love, well, yourself.

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Ciara LaVelle is New Times' former arts and culture editor. She earned her BS in journalism at Boston University and moved to Florida in 2004. She joined New Times' staff in 2011.
Contact: Ciara LaVelle