Remember when a piece of toast that vaguely resembled the Virgin Mary sold on eBay for $28,000? Here's some news that might make you nostagic for those days: A company in Vermont is selling personalized toaster that'll burn your selfie into a piece of bread.
That means it's only a matter of time before one of your friends "ironically" orders one. This is, after all, the city that set a Guinness World Record for selfies just a few short months ago.
Burnt Impressions, the company selling the toasters, was essentially born out of WTF news stories like the Virgin Mary toast -- they sell a toaster that'll create your own Virgin Mary replica. They also sell "Jesus toasters" and "rapture toasters" that depict souls floating up to heaven.
Now, they've moved on to a theme that everyone can find offensive, regardless of religion: selfies.
"You don't have to be famous or Jesus to have your face on toast!" the website exclaims. "Give us a high rez [sic] photo of a face or pet and let our toast engineers create fun breakfast memories!"
In a way, putting your photo on food is the logical conclusion of selfie culture; devouring yourself is the ultimate expression of both the narcissism and self-loathing that accompany each self-taken snapshot.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
But eating your pets? That's messed up, bro.
The selfie toaster sells for $75. For that price, selfie savants, you better love charred bread as much as you love, well, yourself.
Send your story tips to Cultist at firstname.lastname@example.org.