Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson is the busiest man in Hollywood. He churns out movies faster than DJ Khaled can say, "Another one." He's the highest-paid actor in Hollywood, and he looks like he could line up for the Dolphins tomorrow at inside linebacker. He's so awesome that in lieu of calling him by his awesome nickname, people now call him by the name his mother gave him at birth, just because he asked nicely.
It's Dwayne Johnson's world, and we're just living in it.
So let's be clear: Every movie he has ever made is great. But there are levels of greatness: peak greatness, average greatness, so-bad-it-comes-back-around-to-greatness, and even "We're just calling this greatness so the Rock doesn't get mad at us." We have ranked all 31 movies that he has made according to these standards.
Don't agree with these rankings? Fight us — unless you are Dwayne Johnson himself, in which case, oh God, we're so sorry, please don't hurt us.
31. The Tooth Fairy
In this 2010 film, Johnson is a hockey player whose punishment for stealing from a kid is to be a real-life tooth fairy for a week. At some point, this premise was on paper, people read it, and everyone involved decided it was a great idea. Honestly, don't even click the trailer above; just look at that still. Look at it. We all have to start somewhere.
Box office bomb. In
29. Jem and the Holograms
For some reason, Johnson plays himself in this affront to '80s nostalgia.
This movie is about boy bands. O-Town is considered a selling point. Moving along.
Hercules has good action at times, and Johnson is pretty great in it, but overall, this project leaves a lot to be desired. Also, that beard. That beard is not real, and it shows. You would think that a movie with a $100 million budget could get better fake beards.
26. Why Did I Get Married Too?
Tyler Perry starring Tyler Perry. Screenplay by Tyler Perry.
25. Southland Tales
This little-seen movie premiered at the 2006 Cannes Film Festival. It's the tale of "an action star stricken with amnesia" and "a porn star who is developing her own reality TV project." But it wasn't set in Miami, so critics classified it as science fiction. They did not, however, classify it as good.
24. Reno 911!: Miami
Can you believe Reno 911!: Miami was ten years ago? It has not aged well, even with the Rock's, um, explosive performance.
23. G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Another movie with Johnson that seems awesome on mute but isn't even Saturday-morning-FX-worthy.
22. Race to Witch Mountain
Here's Johnson playing a taxi driver in a Disney movie. He is actually pretty great as a cabbie-turned-bodyguard. But the rest of this movie feels like it was made to be watched on an airplane.
21. Planet 51
This 2009 Spanish-British 3D computer-animated science-fiction family movie... Nope, we're asleep.
20. Be Cool
Remember when John Travolta was a bigger deal than Dwayne Johnson? In this movie, Travolta plays a street-wise mobster named Chili who does a thing that leads to a thing. Where
19. Journey 2: The Mysterious Island
Johnson taking over a Brendan Fraser franchise might never happen again, but it was a thing in 2008. Journey to the Center of the Earth made more than $240 million, so the fact that Journey 2 broke the $300 million mark should be considered a win for Johnson. But beyond the numbers, the film was just not very good. There's lots of eye candy, but Vanessa Hudgens' cleavage and Johnson's pecs can take a movie only so far.
18. Get Smart
This 2008 project stars Steve Carell, Anne Hathaway, and Johnson. Get that cast back together in 2017 and you'd have a megahit on your hands.
17. Gridiron Gang
This 2006 tale of a counselor at a juvenile detention center feels like foreshadowing, in light of Johnson's new HBO documentary, Rock and a Hard Place. Unfortunately, that context gives Gridiron Gang the feeling of being a rough first draft.
16. Pain & Gain
Pain & Gain gets a bad rap; it's not as bad as many people make it out to be. It's actually entertaining, and the Miami backdrop gives it a special place in our hearts. And did you know it's based on a New Times story?
15. The Mummy Returns
In 2001, The Mummy Returns was considered the prequel to The Scorpion King. Now it's just considered a movie you can buy at Walmart for $3.
14. Central Intelligence
You're thinking, Another Kevin Hart movie? Indeed, another Kevin Hart movie. But this movie is decidedly less shitty than you imagine. Is it good? No! Please don't tell people we said this movie is good. Is it fun enough to keep you entertained for a couple of hours? Definitely. Johnson and Hart are actually a lot of fun together, and their chemistry makes up for the crappy script.
13. Empire State
Also known as that time Dwayne Johnson hung out with millennials, this based-on-a-true-story thriller also stars Emma Roberts and Liam Hemsworth. It was not, as the millennials say, lit af.
Your kid probably loved it. And don't lie — you loved
11. The Other Guys
From the guy who brought you Anchorman and the Oscar-winning The Big Short comes this action-comedy about a pair of detectives. The only downside is that the Rock isn't one of the two leads.
10. San Andreas
It's a ridiculous movie with so many ridiculous scenes, but the CGI will keep you staring at the screen long enough to place this movie squarely in the middle of the Dwayne Johnson movie pack.
This film was right in Johnson's wheelhouse: drama, machine guns blasting, fighting, and tense looks galore. It also served as an early indication that the Rock should be referred to formally as Dwayne Johnson when he's acting.
Somehow, this is not part of the Fast and the Furious franchise. It's a totally unrelated movie in which Johnson plays a small-time criminal named Driver. Still, you can think of it as a Fast cousin, which is how it ended up so high on this list.
7. Furious 7
It's a Fast movie. We're not sure if you've heard, but they're a pretty big deal.
6. The Game Plan
It's like Big Daddy but with fewer white people! The Game Plan is a cute movie you can totally watch with your girl on a rainy day. It's also a movie you can totally watch by yourself on a sunny day because you've given up on your social life and FX is your only friend.
5. Walking Tall
Many fans consider this fun action-adventure Johnson's best film. Screw the critics who hated it.
4. The Scorpion King
This movie ranks high on the list because it's one of Johnson's breakout roles. It was certainly his first starring role. What the movie lacked in substance it made up for in holy shit, the Rock is on the big screen!
3. Fast & Furious 6
The sixth Fast movie is the third-best Johnson movie according to Rotten Tomatoes (69 percent), and we all know Rotten Tomatoes never tells a lie. As with most of the Fast movies (yes, even Tokyo Drift), there is enough actionto make them palatable, but Fast 6 also features a quality script and a solid performance by Johnson.
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The Rock just wants to open a restaurant. Stop making him kick your ass! Chances are you've seen pieces of The Rundown on FX about 75 times; it's on roughly every weekend. Rosario Dawson and Seann William Scott (AKA Stifler) somehow pair well with Johnson. But it's Christopher Walken's character who catapults this movie to the top.
1. Fast Five
Fast Five is the movie that launched Johnson to the Hollywood A-list, and it definitely cemented the Fast series as a lasting phenomenon. This project could've been just another installment of a franchise that held on too long. Instead, many fans believe it's the best of all the Fast movies, and Johnson is a major part of that achievement. He plays government agent Luke Hobbs, the bounty-hunter-turned-U.S. Marshal who gives so very few shits about anything but getting the job done and looking like a complete badass while doing it. If you're a fan of the Rock who hasn't seen Fast Five, sorry, you're not actually a fan of the Rock.